Goodbye is only a prolonged Hello

Whatever. 


It sucks.  Today we said goodbye to our loved and needed AuPair, Julia.  She has 2 weeks of fun and traveling the parts of the US that she hasn't seen yet, before she goes back to Germany and our family is left one person short.  Julia has been amazing this year.  I really don't know how I would have gotten through this difficult year without her.  My work life was insane and my emotional life was dangling by a thread, and she really was a type of glue and consistency, constantly full of kindness, helpfulness, and encouragement.  She has a knack for being just what we need when we need it. 


My heart breaks for her and the kids.  They are so in love with each other.  They have a special bond that could not be any sweeter. 


In a final moment today, before we left the house,  Addie gave Julia one of her bear-bears and made her promise to think of her every night when she slept with it.  Addie has 4 bear-bears, it might seem like a lot, like she had one to spare, but bear-bear is her best friend, her comfort, her playmate.  To give a bear-bear to Julia (even if it was admittedly the one that she like the least) it was touching.  Julia burst into tears with the biggest smile on her face.  Julia's friend Micah and I did too because it was just too cool of a gesture.  I told Lawrence the story in the car, and even his eyes filled with tears as he thought about it.

I told Lily that I feel bad for Bryson, because he doesn't know what is going on, and he says "Buh-Bye Jew-a" but he doesn't know that it is goodbye for a very long time, that the next time he sees her won't be in a few hours or days.  Lily said, "I feel really sad for everyone, especially myself".  :) 


This is awesome.  And it's hard.  We now have 2 girls who will forever be part of our family due to this program.  But starting over fresh, with a broken heart each year...well...it just sucks.  I can't say it more eloquently than that.  It sucks for them and for us.  We will move on and we will have each other.  I heard Julia say to Bryson, the LOVE of her life, the other morning, "Who's smile will brighten my days, and start them off right when I don't have you?"  And I know she means that with her WHOLE heart.  


We will be taking a year or so off the AuPair program and hiring a nanny who won't live with us.  We've founds someone sweet and special that we are really happy about.


Saying goodbye to an AuPair isn't like saying goodbye to a childcare provider though.  It's like saying goodbye to a family member.  The sadness doesn't come just because of the job there is to fill, it comes from losing the genuine love that we have for each other.  Knowing that the person caring for the kids loves them and us as much as we love her.  


Julia is an incredible person.  She is 20, and she is mature, smart, godly.  She will go so far in her life.  Her future is wide open and I'm so proud of the person she has become while she is here.  She has been so open to every experience, and blessing have poured down on her.  And on us.  I know she has so much to look forward to, and the next chapter of her life can't start until this one ends. 

But.


I'm just sad that I don't get to see her everyday anymore.

"Goodbye, Goodbye, to you and you and you..." or, "We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship..."

"Bryson, do you want to hold my hand?"

One last picture-Bryson kicking Addie in the head...

A

We love you "Jue-a"!!!

Julia's pictures of beauty

Here are a few great shots that Julia has taken of the kids recently. Plus a few she took while skiing with Lily and Lawrence on Mount Hood, using her new photography skills from the class she is taking. 
You guys, these are taken with a point and shoot! 
Loving it.

Walk a Thon

Addie is in the purple shirt black pants
Addie and Luca
Snow cones, Addie, Luca, Poopy Boy
Addie and Luca just starting out

Addie had a Walk a thon this morning and Lily had her Jog a thon. I couldn't be two places at the same time during the 20-30 minutes when they walked/jogged, so I decided to go to Addie's. I was feeling bad about missing Lily's but Lawrence made me feel better by reminding me that this is the first of many many many times I'm going to have to choose one child over another and let someone down. And it will only get worse when Bryson is in school too. Huh, gee thanks babe!

I was glad I went to Addie's walk-a-thon. She has felt very important having school 2 days a week and this walk a thon was very important to her. She and Lily were giving each other tips about running vs walking and pacing yourself this morning that cracked me up. She was so cute, she ran almost the whole time. She knew just what to do from watching Lily the last two years I guess, and she was ready for her time. As we walked up, one girl named Kiera ran up and said, "Addie!" and they came together waving both hands and then interlocked fingers once they were chest to chest. It was very sweet for me to see an interaction like that for her, she is forming her own relationships outside of the ones I create for her.

She ran and ran and ran. Stopped when it was time for them to make the mark on her back to track her laps, and then ran and ran. Once she stopped at the water bottle section to give her name and collect her water bottle. I marveled at how amazing it is to see her independent of her sister, outside of our house, especially. I was just a parking lot away, but I imagined if Lily was there, holding her hand and giving Addie's name for her in order to get the water.

Addie's best friend at school "coo" as she calls it, is Luca. We are friends with his parents, but they had only hung out a few times before school started. During the middle of the walk, they started to hold hands, totally without coaxing. Addie did take off running a few times while Luca was walking, she was sweaty and red faced, she really took this thing seriously.

At the end they got snow cones, Addie's was orange, one boy pooped his pants while he sat next to Addie eating his, Addie ran the most by far of any girl, 24 laps around the parking lot, all in all, a pretty good start to the day!

Today is Julia's 20th Birthday, so while I'm getting set to work and start closing the quarter, they are baking mondel bread and cupcakes downstairs, yummy, it's making me hungry. We are having a big party for all the Au Pairs tonight at our house. Happy Birthday Julia, thanks for all you do for us!!

Julia has arrived

Julia, our new German AuPair, arrived last night around midnight. Right now, she and Sabine are downstairs and the girls are laughing and having fun with her. I can hear giggling and laughing, and the occasional shriek of Addie or Lily saying, "JULIA!!!" Bryson is napping and they are waiting for him to wake up to go to the zoo.

Thanks for all the kind words yesterday. Sometimes I just stress out, feel overwhelmed to a point of being incapable of accomplishing much.

I felt very at ease as soon as I met Julia, she is kind and sweet and very enjoyable to be around. The kids were drawn to her immediately, though they are still doing that weird, roll around on the ground/act kind of crazy to show off thing in front of her.

Sabine moved all her stuff to the play room and we marvel at the HUGE mountain of stuff that a girl can aquire in just one year, as she wonders how in the world she will fit it in to her two suitcases. And the rules have changed. Julia was only allowed to bring one suitcase! Julia loved her new room and the girls made her a welcome sign plus Lily made some cool little butterflies to hang around. I ordered prints of a bunch of pictures of her friends and family that she had sent and hung them on her bulletin board.

Anyway, after a nice drive home from the airport and chat, and a glass of water, we both collapsed into bed after 1am. Bryson woke at 5, I fed him and Lawrence got up with him. THANKFULLY. So I got to sleep in until 7:30 after that.

BIG THANK YOU TO CARRIE FOR YOUR COMMENT YESTERDAY! So needed!

2 parties and 2 goodbyes ahead. I can do this! But first, some coffee...

Winds of change

Things will be changing again today.

I'm tired, and overwhelmed, and excited, and scared, and nervous, and sad, and happy.

I'm even a little superstitious I think. On the day Sabine arrived, Lawrence lost his job. On the day Tamara started as our nanny before that, I broke my foot. Both knocked us off our feet for 3 months. Pun intended. Heh. I'm downright scared of getting a new person to care for our children! :)

Julia comes today, I pick her up tonight at midnight. Sabine will still be here until Tuesday. Five more days. It's bizarre that this year went so fast. And what a year it was.

We lost a job, and got a job, and had a baby, and made it through a pretty life changing year. Nothing earth-shattering, but hard and different and great for us, nonetheless. It's nothing that hundreds or thousands of people aren't going through right now. And we had this girl, this young woman, who arrived, and lived with us, and experienced it all with us. Typical American life? The ups and the downs. She knows us. She KNOWS our kids. She was an extension of us and our love, discipline, and even frustrations with them. And at times, with each other. She was easy and kind and respectful. And she loved us. And we loved her. Love. Past and Present.
And future.

And now things will change.

A new girl, a young woman, is coming today. And she is going to experience the ups and downs of this year with us. We don't even know what they are yet. And I'm sure we will love her and she will love us. She will come to know us and vice versa. And it will be totally different, and totally great, and another chapter in our life.

With this change comes uneasiness for me. I'm happy about it, I'm sad about it. The beginning of one thing stems from the end of another thing.

And on top of it all I've got a lot on my plate. So I'm a little overwhelmed. To give you an idea. As I said before, Julia arrives tonight, tomorrow I have financial statements due to Mr. Gates, who, you know, just invested a lot of money into my little company, then I will food shop for the parties I am throwing this weekend. Yes, plural. On Saturday, my brother, Matt will arrive, we will prepare for Sabine's going away party and Julia's goodbye party. There are 29 people expected. At my house. Which is, by the way, messy and covered with smokey and sandy laundry from camping last weekend and swimming this week. And toys and towels and WEEDS in the backyard. On Sunday, I will say goodbye to Matt and then host a baby shower for my friend Shawna, together with her mom and another friend. On Monday, it's back to work for me, where the hardest worker in my staff is on vacation for 2 days. Tuesday I take Sabine to the airport at the crack of dawn. And somewhere in there I will get to know Julia and teach all the ways of the Herman house and family. And I haven't added Bryson to the handbook, yet, but I should since he requires the most time and effort. Other than Addie who has been nearly impossible as of late.

So my blog is run-on. And my heart is excited and sad. And my party might not be in an immaculate house. Or in a weedless yard. And the food might just be the basics. And the baby shower games might be played on regular paper rather than fancy paper. And the brownies made from a box. And the gift bought on the way. And I will meet my work deadline somehow, I always do. And Julia will be great, the kids will love her, they will give her a hard time at first, but they will love her. And Sabine's family can't wait to see her again. And Matt will be okay. And he WILL come home. And I have some of the best friends and women in my life, family too, some who live far away and support me no matter what. Who let me have that big long cry I needed to have on the phone rather than in their arms. And isn't it fun to be at the other end of THAT call. And, oh yeah, there is a vacation planned this month.

So if I can just make it one week. Things will settle and I can "relax".

And at the heart of it all, I have my Lawrence, my Lily, my Addie, & my Bryson. They are the faces that make the winds of change more carefree and full of hope of happy days to come.

Welcoming Julia

This is a little late, but I want to introduce you to our new Au Pair who will be joining our family, all the way from GERMANY, in August, Julia!

I'll admit that I've been delaying writing this post because it is hard to talk about how excited we are to meet our new Au Pair without lots of sad feelings coming up about how much we will miss our current Au Pair. Even though this is all part of the hosting Au Pairs process, and you know the program is a year, and you know you will say goodbye, and you know you will say hello. It's that you don't know how you will feel it in your heart, the way you will feel after you have welcomed someone into your home and accepted them as a member of your family, for a year. How nice it is to have someone who lives with you and truly loves your children, who cares for them, and for you. Who supports your role as a mother and who is really an extension of the care you provide for them, not a replacement or care giving facility. She is a friend, and a family member, a care giver, and a big sister. This program is amazing and unique and so much more than I'd ever expected it to be, it really is.

Some of you know by now that Sabine, our "Bean-Bean", has decided to go back to Germany in August after finishing her year as our first Au Pair. We had invited her to stay a second year or even six more months, but she has decided to return to school in Germany and that starts for her at the end of August. (Insert many tears from me here! And many smiles and cheers from her family at home!!) We love Sabine - and it'll be hard to say good bye, it'll be hard to watch the kids say goodbye, and I'm sure I'll have a post later on this summer how bad I am at saying good bye to people I love. But for all that there is to be sad about, there is a lot to be happy about as well. We have four more weeks (as of today, GULP!) with our Bean-Bean, and we plan to really make the most of them. Summertime is upon us and that's when the fun really happens in Portland! (Okay, I'll admit I started this post 2 months ago, and at that time it was May 10 and we still had 3 months left! :) )

Sabine's hard decision left me (and Lawrence) with another hard decision. The next matching search was ON. I found myself for weeks finding many good Au Pair candidates, but not "the one". I was getting discouraged thinking that I might have to settle in one way or another. Then all at once, I got TWO great applications. Then I had TWO great interviews, and TWO great sets of answers to all my hard questions. Already, I could see how both of these girls could fit and add value to our family and provide excellent care for our kids. But finally we went with our deep down gut feeling, and the Au Pair of the two that Lawrence was more at ease talking with, Julia! (Consequently, the runner up was also named Julia, also 19, and also from Germany!) As soon as we made a decision, it was clear to us in so many ways that it was the right one, and even now as I re-read her application and her experience today, I'm more and more sure of what a wonderful year we have ahead.

We are so excited about Julia and how great she will fit into our family. I'd like to share something out of her application that really won us over (in addition to all the emails and skyping!) and that keeps sticking in my head. This is what the person at the agency who first interviewed and then recommended Julia to become an AuPair said about her as a summary:

Working with children and people, Julia is in her element. She never stops to acquire new ways of advancing children and helping them to find out their talents and strengths. Julia is patient, caring and a very comfortable personality. She is very creative in entertaining and leading children, is able to lead groups and is able to motivate and inspire them.

She has a a lot of experience in working with children at all age groups, having responsibility and working independent. Julia has listed a lot of qualities an Au Pair should have and in my opinion, she has all of them! Julia is not only a very friendly and warm-hearted person, she also has a very strong character and very good values. She is very responsible and mature and can cope difficult and stressful situations with her experience and her calm and reasonable kind.

Um, yeah! This is EXACTLY the feeling we've gotten from her, she has the perfect mix of experience and personality, of morals and humor. This summer she has gained additional experience by working with and driving handicapped children. She LOVES music and is in a band, she plays guitar, the trumpet and sings, she is very dedicated to her church in Germany, particularly the music and children's programs, she has so much experience working with large groups of children, from babies to teens. She's a great driver and has lots of experience driving kids and has taken a few driver safety/first aid courses. She has cared for families with up to 5 children and in each one, there was an infant to care for as well as older children to keep busy and entertained. Each of these families listed as a reference raved about her and stated that she "felt like a member of the familiy". Perfect.

Oh - I can't tell you what a difficult decision this was. Julia made it a bit easier. As any parent out there who searches for child care knows, it's hard to know or feel if you are doing the right thing. And finding the right Au Pair for your family takes this to another level, because you are choosing someone to live in our home as a family member for one or two years AND one that will be solely responsible for your kids. After Lawrence and I made the decision that this Julia was our next AuPair we've both had a lot of peace about the decision. We KNOW we made a good decision and that she was meant to be our next AP. And it's rewarding for us to see the positive impact we get to have on a young girl's life by providing her the opportunity to live with us, perfect her English, and gain a lifetime of memories. Not to mention deal with the craziness that is Us on a daily basis! :) Yep, THIS is America! :)

We will miss our Sabine, but we realize that Julia is not a replacement for who Sabine is in our lives, but just another wonderful addition; another caring girl to bring into our children's lives; another positive role model for the girls and another fun haver. She will be good at some of the same things and good at some different things too. We will try and share all the same things that we've shared with Sabine, and we hope that she will share some of herself with us with us too, just as Sabine has done. And this will make the change, just a little bit easier and a lot more fun.

But most of all, our kids will have yet another person who comes into their lives and their 'family' circle extends a little more. And Germany becomes even more ingrained in their little hearts, somewhere that they have never been, but where they will always have great connections, as well as a place to go.

Go Germany!!!

Well, had Germany won today, this would have been a lot more fun to post, but even though they didn't my kiddos geared up with Sabine to support her team and home country!

You can just FEEL the love and excitement!

Love you Bean Bean!

Happy Birthday Sabine!!

Today is Sabine's Birthday. (That's our German AuPair, "Bean-Bean")

We had a party for her yesterday and she had a picnic out at Washington Park with her friends. While it threatened to rain, it didn't, (she says that the weather is always nice for her birthday in Germany, and we were happy that Portland didn't disappoint!) A wonderful day was had by all. The girls ended the evening by watching the sunset and sitting by the fireplace outside. Her friends made her such a special birthday video, and I was so touched at how awesome their gift was (so was she). We are so happy that Sabine is in our life, and all these girls are in her life!

Our girls made cupcakes with Bean - Bean.

Bryson celebrated by eating his first rice cereal, and loved it.

Fun Videos from yesterday:

Addie waited for about 30 minutes at the table drooling over the cupcakes she and Lily helped make.

We got 22 candles on her cupcake. Fire hazard? Yes. Make a WISH!



Sabine has added so much to our family over the last 9 months and we adore her. She honestly makes our family better and our house more fun! We are so happy to tell her that we love her and celebrate her special day here in the US!

We love you Bean-Bean!!!

Love,
All five of us!!

Hitting the slopes

LILY AND BEAN BEAN SKIING



I mentioned a few posts ago that last weekend Lawrence took Sabine and Lily skiing. Here are the videos and pics as promised!

Sabine is here!!

Our new Au Pair, Sabine, arrived from Germany on Friday. After months of choosing the perfect Au pair for us and then months more of staying in touch, getting to know each other, it is hard to believe that the day actually come. And can you believe that the NIGHT before I still had a million things on my to do list that were left to finish until the next day. Things like wash the bedding from my in laws visit, almost 2 weeks prior, putting shelf paper in her dresser, moving our skiing stuff out of her closet, printing some of her pictures to hang on her bulletin board, cleaning her bathroom. Things that could have been done for weeks. But actually, if you know me, you know that I always have a million things to do that don't get done until the last minute.

Well we got a bit of bad news on Friday morning (more on that later) and it threw my day off, exhausted me a little bit emotionally and long story short a week later she still is sharing her closet with my snowpants...but her bedding and bathroom are clean and she loves her room, so I'm not a total failure.

Sabine had a great week at Au Pair school and she had fun on her NYC tour, though it was too short. It was only 4 hrs and even 4 days isn't enough to see all you'd want to in New York. But she got a taste and knows that she wants to go back to see more now.

When she arrived here she was a little shaken from some serious turbulence. We were happy to see each other, and then both went straight to bed once we got home, we were beat.

On Saturday we did the FAAN walk (another post) and Sabine came, we weren't sure she'd want to with all the travel and jet lag, but she said she felt great and joined right in. She squeezed between the two girls in their car seats, since we hadn't moved seats around yet in the trailblazer. It ended up being a great opportunity for her to bond with the kids on the way to Vancouver.

They absolutely love her. I'm so glad we skyped all those times because they felt as though they knew her and were only shy for a few minutes. When they woke in the morning, they could not WAIT for her to get up.

We are having fun getting to know each other. She speaks wonderful English, but it takes some time for us to always understand each other. Mostly because we don't know how the other describes something like a garbage disposal or a cell phone charger. The words don't translate exactly. Then there is the fact that she has never heard of Budweiser! :) And in Germany women put Sprite in their beer. Ewe! :) Ruining perfectly good beer???

Anyway, we are all having fun with it. Lawrence and I have a very sarcastic sense of humor. That also doesn't translate. Like today when I told her to throw a fax machine out the window (she didn't). She did laugh hard when I told her to put it on Lawrence's pillow.

On Sunday we relaxed a lot and it was a good thing because Sabine seemed to be getting a bit of a cold and wasn't feeling great. Even though she didn't think the jet lag affected her, I think that it did affect her body by hitting her with a stuffy nose and sore throat. Josh, Shawna, & Rachel came over for a BBQ and to welcome her. On Monday, she also wasn't feeling good. It was our anniversary (another post) and she was scheduled for her first day, and a long day. She is such a trooper. She has great work ethic and really powered through, even showing unending patience for the kids, while both Lawrence and I were home training her. She also went to the park with the kids and Lawrence. He has been making her drive whenever they go anywhere and she is definitely a good driver. Then you read the post below about the Rose baby and how Monday finished up! :)

Last night we went to Jeremy and Jennifer's for a BBQ, she had a great time, and that is when all the Budweiser talk came up because she brought 2 beers for Lawrence, one from Germany one from Poland. Lawr split them both with Jer, his partner in beer tasting. Jeremy works for Budweiser and couldn't believe she didn't recognize the can. He was asking all these hard differences trying to figure out things in Germany that were not like the US and vice versa. She was a great sport and a great help with the girls, even though she was not "on duty". We are both figuring out how she fits into the family and how it works when she is on duty but we are home and how it works when she is with us but not on duty. So far, it is going better than I could have hoped.

Today Katy came over to drive them all to ballet, and apparently the girls gave her a little harder time with Katy there too. But Sabine and Katy had heard A LOT about each other and really were glad to get to meet. In the afternoon Sabine and the girls had a great time, including ice cream for snack because it was such a HOT day. Tonight Lawrence had a Hood to Coast meeting and Sabine and I got to chat over dinner after the kids were in bed. Then we got her set up to download pictures and set up Skype on the home computer with a new webcam with microphone. It was a busy night, but we had fun. Thanks to my brother Matt who spend about 45 minutes on the phone and skype with us to get it all figured out. He must think I am SUCH an idiot sometimes, but I think he likes how much I need his help for computer type stuff.

There are many things that Sabine does, little things, that show us we made a perfect decision of who to ask into our home for a year and care for our kids. She shows so much respect and consideration, she is caring with the kids, she can be firm with them when needed, and she is an extremely hard work. She also did a lot of homework reading the family manual I wrote from her and when she pulled out her copy I could tell she'd gone through it with a fine tooth comb. It's hard to describe how you will know if someone is going to be a good fit for your family. Because you don't. But there are so many little things that are NOT annoying and that are NOT invasive and that show what a quality person she is. YAY! So much of my anxiety about this has melted. We have also let her know that she is doing this a very hard way to start off, trying to establish control with both parents at home. I think the next 2 days she will be all on her own and it will be easier with the kids.

For now, there is a lot to do! She still is far from self sufficient as far as driving directions and getting to school, making friends, getting her Oregon drivers license and Social Security Card. But this is a list, one you mark of and go through. These just take time to accomplish and we can do it. While I feel that there is a lot for us to do, and I feel like I keep telling her, we will get to that later, I'm so glad that the important stuff, the stuff that is much much harder to take care of, is going really smooth and easy.

Tomorrow we are going to Music in the Park and Sabine might get to meet another Au Pair from Germany who has been here for two months and lives near the park we are going to. Then this weekend she gets to go to the Beach for her first Au Pair meeting. It will be a great chance for her to meet some other Au Pairs in Portland as well as see the Pacific Ocean!!

In this post, I've listed THREE other posts to come. How will I ever get caught up? Probably won't and you'll say, where is that post on her anniversary that she mentioned six months ago. Hey, my Au Pair needed to learn to work my washing machine so that she could help me with some of my burden...OKAY!!!???? I'm doing my best and for now, it seems good enough...