7 blogs in 7 days. Day 1 - That other side of the aisle...the other side of "that generation"

Last year I copied my blog friend Aimee after she did 7 blogs in 7 days. It was great, I cleared out all of my draft posts from summer and before in order to make way for new fall fun. This year we decided to do it again together. I thought we started tomorrow. Ah well, I've been known lately for my dropping the ball...In other news, I also started another 30 day shred today. So it's day 1 all around for me...

Don't forget some comment love to help me keep up with my 7 and my 30! :)

A few weeks before vacation I did all the school shopping for the Lily and Addie's school supplies. I was quite proud of myself having it all done and organized a month in advance, since the past two years I was not nearly as on top of things and was stuck searching for a glue stick anywhere in the greater Portland area. Luckily last year it was only for Lily. This week Lily starts Kindergarten and Addie starts preschool and their backpacks have been lugged around full of their complete supply lists for days.

The thing that I wasn't on top of this year was the school clothes shopping for Lily. This always throws me for a loop when we have a vacation scheduled for the end of summer. I spend the weeks before vacation shopping for clearance summer-y outfits or on-sale swimsuits going out of season. This year, I also kind of put it off knowing that we had a lot of cute summer dresses that only needed a few sweaters and some leggings with Mary Janes that would 'fall' them up and carry her through the first few months of school. I also thought I would find said leggings and sweaters with a quick trip to Target. On Labor Day.

Addie is thoroughly stocked as far as clothes go. In fact she always has been. Besides her sister's ample wardrobe to pick from, she also isn't really growing and at 3 years old just fits into 2T nicely (and even 18month - for shorts / skirts, for that matter), and she has the hand me downs from the 3 Rose girls. But Lily doesn't have any older girls feeding her with their cutie outgrown hand me downs, and she keeps getting taller and taller. And her feet, dear lord her feet! Today I bought her 3 pairs of shoes and 2 of them, get this are SIZE ONE, in Women's. WOMEN'S! My five year old!

Anyway, mostly she is in size 6 for clothes and most of her existing pants are size 5T, a tad short and they "rub" a little. Today I ran to Target to get her a few more pairs of leggings, a couple of sweaters, and some jeans. Target is close and easy and I always can find something priced well for cute stuff. Not. Today. First of all, she has moved from the "Toddler/Baby Girl" section to the "Girls" section. I'm on the right side of the aisle, not the left. And I LOVE the left side.

First since Addie was born I could ALWAYS find them a matching outfit. Size Newborn and 3T dresses, no problem. Need 12-18month and 4T matching Easter Bunny Jammies, I have six to choose from. Matching sisters is not only something that they love, it's something I love. They look so adorable all matchy match. But now they are in a different size bracket, maybe forever. Until they are in their 20s. Yikes. Second, everything costs at least $10 more for big girl rather than little girl. Third, I simply do not like most of the clothes in the BIG girl section for a six year old. Unlike the LITTLE girl section where it is hard to find something that is not simply adorable. Granted I was only looking at Target, I haven't looked at everything that is out there, but I guess I'm just annoyed that I have to try harder to find cute things for my cute daughter. Clothing her has been so easy. It all looks so good on her and when I'm discouraged about not being able to find something for me, I simply buy a basic tunic T and some stretch pants or a skort and she looks adorable. For under 15 bucks. No more. I just looked at Old Navy online and I did LIKE some of the things in her size, but they were like $25-30 for ONE item. It's not that I'm cheap, it's just that I'm used to being able to cloth my LITTLE girl for very little money and I want her to still be a LITTLE girl, but instead she is a BIG girl. When she was a 5T, $100 would honestly buy at least 10 items, more with my smart shopping. Now as a size 6, it buys 4 items, if I'm lucky, at a discount store. Darn.

Not to mention, she still acts like a LITTLE girl. She wanted each and EVERY pretty thing she saw today. I was actually forced to buy a LITTLE girl style pink butterfly sweatsuit that was a little too big for her, made by Haines for $5.99 because it was so soft that she did not want to take it off. I figured she could wear it after some rainy soccer games this winter when it is freezing out. She also BEGGED for some pleather stretch pants, which I did let her try on in the wrong size so that I could blame the size rather than my strict-no-pleather-under-my-roof-rule that Stacy and Clinton have instilled in me. Heh. She just liked them because they were so SHINY. I almost wanted to buy them, but not for $19.99, just to see the look on Lawrence's face when he pulled out her new Kindergarten hooker-wear. It also seemed like one HOT new style (for big girls) is a dress that is T-shirt on top and prom dress from the 80s on the bottom. Of course Lily loved these. Comfy shirt, poofy skirt, what's not to love. Luckily they were short sleeved and I convinced her that we were only looking for long sleeves. I steered clear of a whole section because I spotted a long sleeved tutu goth outfit that I knew she would love due to the tulle and glitter and the black unitard thingy. There was one ugly shirt that she touched the glitter/guitar/peace sign front to "ooo and ahh" and then said "ugh" instead. "Nope," she said matter of factly as she held up her three glittery fingers. "Glitter" she showed me. Sidenote: Lawrence has a REAL issue about glitter and how it gets everywhere, and Lily is so sweet and conscientious about it, even though she loves glitter. Seriously, I sighed relief as I smiled at her sweetness. It's not that she is in charge of what we buy. I can still talk her into and out of anything that I want her to get. But I did want her to pick some stuff and I expected a much more fun mother / daughter shopping trip. Don't get me wrong, she had a blast. But I...just felt old and sad that I didn't like the clothes that were available for her.

And I chuckled at myself at the way I'd categorized our whole life because I couldn't go to Target the day before school starts and find everything I wanted for the first few weeks of school for fifty bucks. By the way, they DID have the leggings I wanted for $4.99, it's just that they were out. So, of course it is the end of the world, right?

Lily is just so sweet and smart and compassionate and strong willed and naive and funny and bossy and worldly. We've worked really hard for the things that are important in life to us to be important to her. Family, friends, love, teaching, God, learning, respect, work-ethic, fun, and boundaries. We are about to enter a new season of life where she goes off to school, and not preschool that we are opting for but one where she rides the bus and kids might be mean and she is entering the school that continues for then next 13 years. It's different and it's exciting and it's sad.

I know all of you moms out there who have kids that are 8-9-10 and into the teenager years are laughing at me, like, "ha, you just WAIT!". And I know. I know I have a lot of school shoppings and first days ahead of me where it doesn't go down the way I'd hoped. I know that a day might come where I BEG for that t-shirt on top and prom dress on bottom outfit + leopard print leggings. I know that there are many days ahead when I'll have to let go of her wardrobe in order to hold tighter to our relationship. It's just that we aren't there yet. And it makes me sad as I think about heading there. My big girl is still only 5. And she acts that way, and I treat her that way.

So I don't wanna dress her like she is 6.

The Birthdays

May 1 -

Happy 2 year anniversary to Rob and Nichole. Happy 1st Birthday to Cohen Dean, Rob and Nichole's son. Can't wait to celebrate with you little buddy!

May 1 is also the 4th birthday of my new loving and caring friend, Jenn's twins, Grace and Jacob! Her husband wrote a great tribute to fatherhood and parenthood that left me with a big smile. How true it is! Enjoy! Click HERE.

April 7th - Remembering Maddie. And Waiting on Baby S...

Today is important for two reasons. Two very different reasons.

Today it has been one year since seventeen month old Madeline Spohrs passed from her mother's arm. One whole year. I'm am so sad for Mike and Heather. So sad and so grateful. Heather's blog has taken me on many highs and many lows, and I've appreciated my own children, the little moments, the hard moments so much more because of her words and her raw and honest grief. I've snuggled a little longer. I've loved a little sweeter. I've held on a little tighter. I wasn't going to read Heather's blog this morning before writing this, but I did. And now I'm sitting here in tears because of the sadness she's feeling, and the sadness I'd feel if my two girls were to never know each other. And for the joy that I feel for my healthy children and my happy life. Through Heather's blog, I found Sally, and eventually Margaret...someone who has also become very dear to me. I loved Heather's post today because she knows that Maddie has touched millions of people in her short life time. Maddie has changed lives that she never knew. I hope we can all say that about our lives when they are over.

The second reason today is special is for a happier occasion. It marks the due date for another dear friend, Lynnette. Lynnette and her husband, G, have been praying for a second child since before we started thinking about having Addie. Almost four years now. Their wish to give K a little brother or sister has taken them on a long and winding journey, and they've trusted God and His plan for their family. Lynnette's faith and desire to follow that plan has been a true encouragement to all of us who know her. She is a beautiful wife, mother, friend, and sister. And today, after 4 long years of praying for this child, wanting him/her so much, but deciding to be happy with whatever God chose for them, her son or daughter is due to be born. I'm lucky and blessed to have worked with Lynnette for that past 8 years, we've shared in so many joys of motherhood, working, pumping, venting, laughing, crying together. In some ways she has been my sanity, especially in the early years of new motherhood. She has been a great inspiration to me in many ways to be more selfless, to let go of things that I cannot control, and to ignore things that do not matter. The baby that Lynnette will deliver within the next week (we hope!) is so lucky to be loved and raised by this mother and this father. So much love awaits.

Please join me in praying for a healthy and safe delivery for Lynnette and baby S and a smooth transition as their family of 3 becomes a family of 4. Lynnette and G take on a lot of responsibility caring for other members of the family, and I pray that time, health, and space will allow that they can nurture their own new little family as K becomes a big sis; while they continue to meet the needs of other loved ones.

Please pray for peace for the Spohrs family, as they reflect on this day, let their hearts be filled with the happy memories of Maddie's goodness and sweetness, and let their minds forget the horror etched from the hospital bed a year ago when she took her last breath. Let them feel Maddie's presence, and may they dream of her tonight.

Let us all reflect on the year that has passed. Look forward to the warmer springtime that gives new life and a fresh perspective to all our trials. May we be strong, wise, and positive in our daily roles. I hope you can be joyful in your day and may you find peace in your sorrows. There is so much goodness for us all, don't move so fast that you aren't able to see it. I encourage you as I remind myself.

When it rains it pours

So many times I wonder how much more we can take. Not we the Herman's but "we" as people I know or sort of know or pass on the street or ride next to on the max. Bad things are continually happening to people. And it's hard to see or care other people's struggles as we look so closely at our own.

But not for me.

I feel and worry and obsess about the pain of other people. I mean I really FEEL other people's pain. I wonder how I can manage to complain about my own difficulties in my wonderful life while others are suffering losses and pain that I pray I will never know.

As you know - the blog world has led me to Heather, and Sally, and Anissa, and Jennifer. I've also found a new friend in Margaret. There is something about reading about the raw emotion and pain each of these people are going through that almost brings me to my knees with sorrow, but also with gratefulness. A busy working mom shouldn't have time to think about these things, especially when I have so many friends in real life who rely on me. But I do. And I don't know how to change that about myself, and I guess I don't really want to either. Of course I read funny blogs too, like Lindsey and Kristin and Mommy Spills. Not every day. Not every week. But I find a connection with moms with lives outside of my own. There is a connection of strangers who relate to each other and who are open to share their lives...

One of my new blog friends lost her newborn son last year - and she is raising her two daughters - and working through a marriage - all while figuring out a life of constant grief. I could see a change in her voice as she started to be open to the possibly of joy for this holiday season, after suffering swine flu while mourning the one year anniversary of her son's passing. She made a decision that she was ready to stop feeling so bad and find a way to feel better. At least some days. And then her husband lost his job. And not just her husband. Her father and brother in law and their good friend. All lost their jobs as of Dec 15, a large part of their support circle. I'm crushed for her. Not because I know how hard it is when a husband loses a job emotionally and not because they have to worry about keeping a roof over their head instead of what gifts to spoil their girls with. But because WHY HER? WHY NOW? She was JUST getting back on the road to positive mental thinking. And I'm worried about her spirit being crushed. I'd like to think that this is nothing compared to what she has already endured but at the same time, I wonder if she just wants to curl up in a ball and give up. I don't know her, but I don't think she'll do that. After all, she's got two beautiful girls to get up for each morning. She's got a son in heaven who needs her to put one foot in front of the other each day. I just wish, with my whole heart that she didn't have to worry about her husband's (and FIL and BIL's) job right now. She writes her story because "every life leaves something beautiful behind", and she does a really good job of honoring her baby boy while working through how to outlive your child.

And I think, we only had to worry about one lost job and an unemployment hearing, and it was only 2.5 months, and we are SO so so lucky. We made it through this "disaster" and it while it was inconvenient and stressful, it was also just that. It did not happen while I was trying to keep my heart in my chest. We kept our spirits up and it was the only thing on our plate that was a loss.

I think about how Nancy endured Ryan's injury in Iraq, just 4 years ago. How she held on tight to hope, never gave up, wrote his story beautifully, and now has an amazing life she could have never imagined. How her friend Dena's nightmare started a year ago, losing her husband Rob to the war, an incredible man, and how she is doing her best, making the best of it - because that's what you do when you have 2 little girls depending on you. Her faith is inspiring to me.

These women, wives, mothers, daughters, have captured my heart. I have never met them, but I care about them. I'm not sure what purpose it plays in my life. I'm not sure how I am put here to help or encourage any of them. But I am sure that I'm not wasting my time or my heart, caring about them and praying for them.

I've told you how my good friend Robin lost her brother almost two years ago. And how I've mourned with this beautiful family as they struggled. Now Bronson is being honored in the Rose parade this year, the two year anniversary of his death, because his lost life gave life to 6 strangers. ~I also have to mention my friend Kim, whose baby Julia is the light of their life. Their plans were changed forever when they found out at 20 weeks about her heart condition, plus many other complications. But here she is 6 months old, and they got to see a smile. Kim's positive attitude and faith also amazes and encourages me. Last year at this time, Kim and I sat at a baby shower brunch as she told me her biggest worry about life with 3 kids was how she could continue her morning run with all three of them. How life has changed, and what a blessing Julia is, as she is, as long as they get to keep her.

God gave me a very big heart. And He gave me a very blessed life. And He blessed their lives too, even in their tragedies, He gave them a story to tell, a legacy to carry on, a too-short-life's memory to honor. So each day they wake up and they carry on, one foot in front of the other, until they remember their blessings and they get a little skip back in their step.

For whatever reason, every step of their journey is beautiful to me, and I am blessed through their struggles. I wish that these were not the circumstances for them, but they are, and through the world of blogging, they are touching lives. Ones who can relate so closely and so dearly, and ones who can't. People like me who are more grateful every day, thanks to them.

What is blessed? It's the ability to count your blessing. It's being able to look at the good in your life even during the hard times. It's remembering the goodness that surrounds each of us.

Thank you ladies for being amazing and beautiful and inspiring. My life is forever changed because of the things you have endured. Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

Oh, MckMama, you do make me laugh

Remember when we all prayed for Stellan a few weeks ago? And it was a miracle, his very risky ablation worked? And how we all cried tears of Joy for this mama whose heart was on her sleeve?

Well, I just LOVED her post today, I LOVED reading that things like this happen to us all. HAHAHAHA. Oh daddies, you are so lucky to have us...and it's okay if we are the only ones who know it! Maybe that's the way it should be.

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/11/small-victory.html

Praying for Stellan

Please pray for MckMama this morning if you feel touched by this. She is a fellow blog mama that I don't know personally but whose story is touching. She is an amazing mom, has four children, and the youngest (one-year-old a week ago) is in Boston this morning having heart surgery. It was scheduled for tomorrow - after a scary week in the PICU at their home hospital - but they had to rush it all today because when she took him off of the meds yesterday to prepare for tomorrow, he crashed. So she is there, alone, waiting for her husband to arrive. Pray for Stellen's little body (particularly his valves and nodes behaving the way they hope and staying strong), MckMama's peace, the older three children understanding and care, and for Dr. A & his team's skills and wisdom.

Once again, my heart is heavy to hear the burdens of a mother I don't know, and a little boy fighting who I will never likely meet. Reading about this roller coaster they are on is hard, but her openness and faith is inspiring. Please, God, I beg along with her to let Stellan live!

Blog: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/MckMama

7 blogs in 7 days - day 6 - Maddie

Maddie.

This is a blog I wanted to start on 5/7/09. This is a blog I haven't finished because I feel that I can't eloquently do it justice. This is a blog about a little girl who I never met, and never will, but one who I shed tears over several times a week.

I started reading this blog sometime toward the beginning of the year, when I started writing on blogspot and realized there were a plethora of mom blogs that I could relate to and loved. Heather Spohrs was a first time mom who had the funniest observations about life with a toddler when I "met" her. She always had me laughing and nodding. I wanted to be her real life friend. She had a daughter that was a few months younger than Addie who was born premature (her water broke at 19 weeks and Maddie was born at 29 weeks after 10 weeks of bed rest and no good news from the beginning of the pregnancy). She had to endure a lot but by the time I found her blog, she was finally in the safe zone, with a lot of medical hassles related to Maddie's chronic lung disease due to her premature birth and rough first few months. But Maddie was a healthy and vibrant little girl, to say the least. I also particularly enjoyed this blog because her husband, Mike, kept a dad blog. And it was fun reading about things in the same household from the male prospective.

At the beginning of April Heather wrote of an April fool's joke on her dad and Maddie enjoying big girls playing softball at the park. Then on April 6 Maddie got admitted to the hospital because her oxygen numbers were low. When I logged in on April 8 to check in on my friend and her little girl- no go, I couldn't get on to the blog. I didn't think much of it, until I read on another mom's blog that Maddie had passed away. All over the blog community there were tributes to Maddie but no one seemed to know what happened. I was crushed, and I certainly wasn't the only one. Heather's blog readers from all over have supported her in many ways, and I'm not the only one grieving with her day after day. So many, just like me, have never met this family that they care so much about.

That was 5 months ago. And I've been wanting to write my tribute to Maddie ever since. And I haven't found the words. A lot has changed since then. In fact, Heather and Mike started trying to make Maddie a big sister before she passed. And they found out after, that they did, and that Heather is pregnant. Reading daily about Heather's raw grief and truth in the roller coaster life that she is living, gives so much prospective to my own. To my own healthy, living children, to my own healthy pregnancy. I cry with her not understanding how she bears it. And I know she doesn't either...just barely getting through each day, most of the time.

At first I felt a little embarrassed by how the tragedy of someone I never knew could affect me this much. On a daily basis. I think of Heather every single day, for five months. I worry about her on the days she doesn't post. Lawrence always thinks I take on the worries of too many people, and I know I do. But this is different than most, maybe because I can't do anything to help her. I'm not taking on her burden as my own, just really hurting for a fellow mom. I haven't been able to get this family out of my mind. And I cherish my own more every time I read a post of Heather's. I'm thankful for the bedtime battles she wishes she was having, I'm thankful for the misbehaving that she should be correcting. And I'm thankful for the meltdowns that she'd love to be ignoring. Of course, every kiss and every word and every "I love you mama" melts my heart, and I remember that I'm blessed to get each one of these. Yesterday I talked of doing a better job tomorrow. I'm blessed to have a tomorrow to do better, but none of us know how many more we will have. A daily reminder of a grief stricken mom helps me to remember that and do my best even better. Heather would love to wake up with poopy face marks on her white comforter.

I know that through the link on my side bar, many of you have started reading Heather's blog. And you have been drawn in by her the same way that I have. She is a wonderful mom, and I pray that her little "Binky" will be born full term, safe and sound. But she's got a ways to go, and the road is not easy, it is a high risk pregnancy, and she's struggling through each day to find hope while still freshly mourning the light of her life. And although Binky could never replace Maddie, I'm so thankful that Binky has given them something to live for.

Now that I've finally written this blog. It still isn't enough. There are no words to express how much I hurt for this mother that I have never met. I can only pray and hold my breath and keep reading about her journey while I savor my own.

http://friendsofmaddie.org/

What I've become.

Some times as a mother you have the hardest time dealing with yourself - at the reality of becoming what you promised you would "never become". It is your past self criticizing your current self. I think about this all the time, how my past self doesn't know $h*t! :)

My friend, Carrie's blog is TOO good this morning, I just had to share!

On another note. I'm SUPER excited to go see Dooce's book reading!

dooce.com

She wrote this.

It's my hell week at work, tomorrow is the quarterly closing, so I'll be missing a few bedtimes and become out of balance like I always do at the end of a quarter/beginning of the next, but I'm excited to take Friday off work because Lawrence's brother, mom, and nephew are coming in from NJ for two days!

Blog about our fun filled weekend, complete with awesome pictures to come!