Early to Rise

I've been reading a lot of good stuff lately.  All of my Amazon reviews in 2013 have been 5 stars.  

I love the path that life takes you on.  I love that books are a vice that you never have to try give up.   I love that there are people who are put here for the purpose of helping other people see life in a way that can help them become who they want to be.  Who can help them believe that there is more to life than the daily grind. 

Over the past few months I’ve come across several of those people, via books, and podcasts, and growth groups.  

And people, my cup overfloweth.  Wait, is that the saying?  

I'm on day 12 of an early to rise challenge.  A simple little thing that is really rocking my world.  And instead of thinking of how I can get out of it, I'm trying to think of ways I can get up even earlier, and fit more stuff I can do during this new found "me time".  

IS this even the same me?  Who has been a snooze button addict since the beginning of time?  Who calculates the minutes in arguing rationalization each morning, negotiating a one less shower or breakfast out of the deal?  Who is the biggest NOT morning person I know?  

It's just such a good time.  Sure, I'm more tired at the end of the day.  But I'm ALONE.  And when the kids get up, I'm pleasant.  Our time together is spend on them, not on me.  I'm already up and caffeinated.  The get up at the same time but somehow we have double the time together before I have to go to work.  AND I've been introduced to the coolest app yet.  Sleep Cycle.  I love getting woken by a smart alarm that knows when I am in a light sleep.  

I've gotten more than a few eye rolls in my life.  You know, for all the self-help books.  But I don't care.  I know who I want to be.  I know other people have really good ideas of how to get there.  I know that seeking wisdom is a critical daily decision of successful and fulfilled people.  I know if I keep working and keep searching and keep striving, I'll get there.  I'll keep getting there.  My soul is full and happy and...full.  

And, Lord love me, I'm a sucker for a 30 day challenge.  

I can do hard stuff.  And if I can do THIS, then maybe, just maybe, I can do anything!  

How exciting is that? 

My buddy and me

Father's day this year was a MAJOR fail at our house. In order to not drum up more sour feelings, I'm going to leave it at that. All around cruddy day. Soo....

With our anniversary on the horizon as the next time I could replace that sourness, I wanted to plan ahead. Something really special. Something that would be super cool for Lawrence and I to do together, to celebrate us, and really have fun. Not just dinner or a drink, but something different and special.

So when I got a Groupon deal in early July for a 4 hour sea kayaking class, I knew I had just found my anniversary gift. As our anniversary neared, things were getting crazy. Life felt really stressful and so we decided to celebrate on our Tuesday night anniversary with a beer and nachos at the new Big Al's that was in it's Grand Opening a mile from our house. And we scheduled our "real" anniversary kayaking celebration for last weekend.

Every time we have plans away from the kids on the weekend I get anxious. Especially when it is during the day, before bedtime. I spend enough hours away from them while I am working during the week; I really feel like I can't afford any time away during the weekend and I stress out getting ready to go. My partner in crime, aka Lawrence, stays cool, calm, and collected and usually even finds a few minutes or thirty for some Sports Center, while I'm scrambling around in shear panic. :) Then of course once we do have an actual date, I'm refreshed, and I remember that I need to do things alone with Lawrence more often. But it's hard to do that. To make time for that. And usually our dates are set up because someone has invited us to an adult only event, a going away party, birthday party, football game, concert, etc, etc, and much of the time is spent with the guys doing one thing and the girls talking about another. We spend the drive in the car together and then our date turns into a "see each other in passing" kind of thing. And since we are SO Dave Ramsey, we rarely do out to dinners, just the two of us.

So this sea kayaking class. It was more awesome than I could have imagined. Even though I was anxious when we left, we had a blast, and when we came home we made a big family pancake breakfast dinner, and the kids had a great afternoon with Julia, they were happy and excited to see us. And I didn't feel guilty, I felt good.

We weren't together the entire time, but it was just us with 2 guides and 10 strangers, for four hours, doing something new and cool and outside and active and together. Something that we couldn't, wouldn't, wish we'd brought the kids too. We went 9 miles in the Willamette River around Ross Island and saw the city (of Portland) in a totally new and interesting way.

Lawrence is kind of a bossy teacher, and it reminded me of our early dating days when he'd try to instruct me on how to (snow) ski better, totally out of love. But my know-it-all-this-is-good-enough-self, hates that. So I chuckled inside when I yelled at him, "I KNOW!"
as he suggested I hold my paddle with my thumbs pointing a different way or what ever. The river was so peaceful, so there were long periods of time of no talking, being alone with our own thoughts, working hard the whole time. It reminded me of us. What we are like when the busyness of every day life and the tasks involved with carrying and caring for 3 young children aren't there to distract us from each other, from us. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE that distraction. We love how involved the other is our children's lives. We look at the other being a present parent and love more for it. It's not that we want to be away from the work that children bring. It's that last weekend when we were, I felt reconnected and rekindled and reminded. He is my buddy, he is fun, he is my best friend. When we get away to realize that, we come home and model that we are more than just teammates working for a common cause. Mommy and Daddy are in love, they are friends, and they go out and come home and are even more fun to be with because they have each other as a partner in this life. It's pretty cool.

Day 8 - habits

This picture of Addie having the time of her life doesn't have much to do with this blog post topic. But I think a post with a picture is better than a post without a picture. And it makes me happy. And that's sort of the point of everything...


Today is day 8 of blogging even though I'm officially done with this round of 7 blogs in 7 days. It is also day 8 of my 2nd round of the 30 day shred. I haven't actually completed day 8, but I will. I will.

I started my first round of the shred back on Feb 1 when I was on my maternity leave with Bryson, at 7 weeks postpartum, my goal was to be out of maternity clothes by the time I returned to work, when he would be 13 weeks old. I completed the goal with energy to spare. I came back to work in regular people clothes and with a renewed sense of purpose for finding 20-30 "me time minutes" each day for working out. I scaled back my every day regiment to 5 days a week rather than 7, you know, to be realistic that off days would be necessary. I was pleasantly surprised by my good can-do attitude and the energy I had. I loved the fact that I did have days where I wasn't begging for a nap 30 minutes after waking in the morning. Better than that, working out had become part of my day, part of my week, in a way that I hadn't experienced since college. There wasn't a question of IF I would workout but WHEN. But then mid - May some deadlines came crashing down. I took a week off, but I got back on. For one week. Then another week off. Then it got nice out and I didn't want to work out to a DVD. I was sick of looking at Jillian's mug. Lawrence hurt his shoulder and stopped with his work out regimen. Every time I set a goal all summer long, I couldn't stick to it, even for a week, and gave up. I was annoyed with myself, but felt pretty good physically and emotionally so my motivation evaporated.

Over the summer, I was active, I certainly didn't put myself back into maternity clothes. But I'm not feeling great. My energy and mood have been pretty zapped. Yes from a sick baby, and lots of activities, work deadlines, mothering 3 kiddos, nursing, and trying to keep all the balls in the air. But, note to self, this is my life. This is what it will be like for the foreseeable future and beyond. So I have to find a way to keep fitness as part of my life. I remember feeling like I didn't need a nap, but I don't remember WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE again. I need it back. And it's worth it to me to get it back.

After blogging each day for 8 days, I'm in the habit of getting some pictures uploaded off the camera, coming here, writing about something. After working out for 7 days (8 at the end of today), it is starting to feel more like a WHEN not an IF. But my energy isn't quite back yet. Last night when I started the DVD (well actually my DVD is lost at the moment so I'm using Comcast on Demand - Exercise TV style, until my new one arrives from Amazon) at 9pm after a little push from Lawrence who is proud of me for wanting to get there again, I REALLY didn't want to do it. And I dialed it in a little bit. But it was good. I got sore and sweaty. And more important I moved one day closer to the point of habit again.

And maybe, just maybe, I have more of an addictive personality than I think. I'm kind of an all or nothing girl. (Shoulda known that based on the binge drinking in college!) And if this case "all" can be a half hour a day of working my body hard in exchange for more energy. Then by all means, get me addicted. One day at a time, (wait, doesn't sound quite right...).

Interestingly enough none of my goals this time are physical. Actually none of my goals are mental either. There are no goals really, except to just do it. Every day for 30 days. And I'm just doing it, one day at a time. No matter what.

I want this habit back. And I wanna be hot and energetic when I'm 60, so that Lawrence and I can have fun together doing stuff that isn't easy with 3 young kids. We keep saying that, during these weeks of divide and conquer parenting. When do I get to connect with my teammate and partner again? But the good news is, I recently realized it's when Lawrence is 60, not me, I'll still be a spry 55 and a 1/2 when the kids are graduated from High School. And who knows - I have a glimpse of a day sooner than that when we could be active as a family and I might not be carrying somebody. One can dream. In the meantime, I don't want to rush it. I love this age, and this age, and that age. I am enjoying these days of busy, and blowing kisses, and carrying, and caring for. I just wanna wish for a nap a little bit less. I'll do it, I'll get there. I always do.

blank in the city too

Lily: Mommy did you have fun last night?
Me: Yes!
Lily: What movie did you see?
Me: (pause) um, "In the City Too"
Lily: Oh, what is it about?
Me: It is about 4 really good friends who go on vacation together and get married and have babies
Lily: Oh, in the city too, hmm, that sounds pretty cool, maybe one day I can watch it.
Me: Maybe when your a mommy.

:)

Anyway, Sex and the City 2 was just what I needed in my entirely overbooked week, it was an over the top, unrealistic, politically incorrect, reunion of 4 of my favorite characters. I remember seeing someone describe the first move as a warm bath and a glass of wine with old friends. Exactly. Who cares about the lousy reviews, or what the critics say. This was a great movie if you are a raging fan like me. I will say, the ladies are AGING and that's weird. Not really. But if they are getting older so am I. Gasp. But the 2 cosmos before hand, the great company of friends, and the "sparkle" of the movie had me smiling most of the way through.

Favorite Line: We made a deal ages ago...men, babies, it doesn't matter, we're soul mates.

The 8:15 showing put me home at about midnight and kids started waking at 4am this morning. So needless to say, I'm a little tired.

But it's Friday...
I can't wait to spend Memorial Day weekend with my kids and my husband and Sabine and my mom and my brother and aunts, uncles, and cousins. Oh, and that starts TODAY.

Yay!

A weekend of heart

My breakfast....
Sweet sisters at Lily's school party

What a weekend. I'm not sure where to even start. I guess the beginning is probably a good place.

On Friday I went to Lily's Valentine party at school, and as usual, she was the most awesome big sister ever. She and Addie didn't leave each others side. Being around the house so often I forget how much they love each other when it's them and the world. I was in bed by 9pm because last week was a really exhausting week. Bryson has been up about 3x a night, starving. He's only napping for 45 minutes, so that means no naps for me. My knees have been killing me from the 30 day shred. In general just exhausted. Then he woke up FOUR times to eat that night. It might not have been so daunting except that Lawrence, Lily, & Sabine were waking up bright and early on Saturday morning to go skiing and I'd be on my own with him and Addie for a very busy Saturday. I kept the wakeups and tiredness in perspective because...

On Saturday I went to a funeral for an 8 month old daughter of my friend, Kim. Julia's celebration of life was absolutely beautiful. Probably the most touching funeral I've every been to. Her mama, Kim, actually spoke about Julia's little life, and I can't describe how moved I was by the whole service. I cried and cried and cried for a baby I barely knew who made such a big impact. Her four year old brother got up to say something, he talked about loving and playing with Julia, and I could barely catch my breath through my tears. The pastor's words and songs were so comforting, and it was obvious he had come to love this little girl and this family so much. Kim, as always, encouraged me to have more love and faith, and as I've said before to enjoy each and every moment I am given with my children as a gift. She lifted her hands lovingly to God for giving her the gift of Julia and changing them all forever.

I could have slept for days after I got home from the funeral - but that's not my reality - having that fresh and emotional perspective from the funeral gave me the energy to get through the day and afternoon paying attention to the little moments. Laughing and snuggling with Addie and watching Bryson as he discovered the mobile above his changing table. I also marveled at there perfectly made little bodies, and held them close as they took in each breath.

When Lawrence came home, everyone was excited. Lily and Sabine had done REALLY well skiing and they had photos and video and stories to tell. Both impressed by skiing so well, really turning and slowing and doing the chair lift very very well! My friend Shawna came over when I went to the funeral and Addie had a lot to tell about getting to play with Shawna. The girls danced and laughed and hugged and SCREAMED like they hadn't seen each other in years. Addie is a totally different kid without Lily. She behaves better and is a little less crazy. She loves to be the helper and she ANSWERS FOR HERSELF even, without big sis stepping in nonstop. But she also looks for her, waits for her, and misses her terribly.

Shortly after they came home, I pumped a bottle, got dolled up and Lawrence and I left to go to a 40th bday party of our good friend. It was so fun, we really had a blast without the kids. And it was easy because they only live a few blocks away. It is our 2nd 40th bday in a few months and we can't believe that we are in the season of 40th bday parties!!!! It seems like just yesterday everyone we knew was celebrating 30...

Today - Valentine's Day - the day everyone on FaceBook seems to love to hate - was so nice and relaxing. We did nothing, we stayed in PJs all day. We gave little to each other. Just hung out and rested and enjoyed the love of our family.

We decided to give the kids a few of our favorite books. Mine was The Pokey Little Puppy and Lawrence's was Ticky Ticky Tembo. We got Lily some BOB books from Powell's (used level one set for only $14!!!). I could write a whole other blog on her and reading. But Today SHE TOTALLY got it. She read me two of the books and was sounding it out all on her own. It was awesome. If you asked me when she was two (when she was writing her name and knowing all letters, lower and caps), I would have told you she'd be reading at 3 but for some reason she has been hesitant and every time we work on it, she gets crazy and silly and stops trying. I haven't pushed her, but I've known she could do it for well over a year, maybe 2. And today, SHE DID IT. So it was really exciting for me. And for her! She was so proud of herself, and so confident as she sounded each word out and then amazed said the word quickly as she knew what it was. I know this 'clicking' will make me happy many many many times in her smart little life. It already has as she can add and subtract and divide in her head like no other pre-ker I've seen! I enjoyed it so much today.

I have more to say and more pictures to post, but I need to go dream feed Bryson (who by the way is TWO MONTHS OLD today!!!) and it is almost 11pm, so it's time to post.

Happy Valentine's Day. Today and every day, I really love this life and the people in it.

I was going to post the link to last year's valentine's pictures and letters because I think it is fun to do, but we had 4 vday posts! I forgot that Lawrence did a "guest blogger" thing! I just re-read them and they are SO SO sweet. Man I love my man! :) The link below takes you to Feb 2009 archive, which contains an entry for out of the past, or Lawrence's 2008 vday poems to his three girls. Anyway, you have to scroll down so see the Vday stuff. But SO sweet!

http://hermanfamdam.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html

Waiting for Cohen

We went to a baby shower for our wonderful friends, Nichole and Rob, on Saturday night. Their friend's, Sean and Darcy, hosted it at their home and it was wonderful. Hands down the best baby shower I've been too. Men were invited to, so it was a little more of a party celebration rather than a shower, but they got showered with lots of great gifts and lots of love from their friends and family, and that's what it is all about!

Nic looked absolutely beautiful, she does have the glow. Her due date is April 28. She is smiley and her usual positive wonderful self. Rob is a cute proud daddy to be who still thinks he won't be changing any diapers, ha. Lawrence doesn't understand why men don't want to change diapers. He says it is the one part of parenting that is cut and dry. There is a beginning and an end, along with a sense of accomplishment, all within a relatively short period of time. There aren't that many things you can say that about in parenting! Josh and Shawna (and Rachel) came over to watch our kids for the evening while we went out and enjoyed some adult time (at a baby shower, how ironic!). Lawrence couldn't keep away from the yummy dessert table Darcy had set up. His eyes almost popped out of his head when he found a brownie on a stick.

I think Lawrence might have also got roped into doing Hood to Coast again this year as Rob's replacement. I told Rob not to stop training even if he doesn't do it. He said the sweetest thing, "I'm training for Cohen, not for Hood to Coast". Ahh. Lawrence said he was doing the same thing, that he didn't want his belly in the way when he bent down to put on snow boots. Good job dads, getting healthy for their babes! :)

These photos don't show the masses of people and love they had, there must have been 40-60 people there. It was a very fun night for a very fun couple.

Cohen Dean we can't wait to meet you little guy!

Poor Griz

Tonight the University of Montana Grizzlies played in the National Championship in football. Alas, they lost. It got me to thinking about 1995 and one of my favorite days in Montana. They did win the Championship that year (Nearly impossible to believe that it has been 13 years since then, nearly). That whole year in fact was just incredible. My first apartment on 711 Palmer Street. Will and Dawn moved to Msla too, and were in the dorms. Griz Nat'l Championship. My first year single and in college, full of fun. It wasn't until the next year when I actually learned the rules to football, but I loved going to the games with my new roommates who made a big fun deal of it. In 1996 - My friend Aimee's dad was disabled and her parents had a skybox. Now when you go to school in Montana you learn to watch football in COLD weather. For example, this last week the Griz practiced for their title game in minus 5 weather. Walking across campus in minus 40 with wind chill was not uncommon a few times a winter. So parents with a sky box in Missoula was a major find! What's not to love when you are 19. Aimee's dad and his old men friend welcomed us with free warm food and free beer and the rules to football. Wait a minute! So you get four tries to go 10 yards? And that's that? Why oh why didn't someone try to explain that to me earlier than on the verge of my 20th birthday?!?!? No wonder it was no fun to watch guys smashing into each other not going anywhere hearing long division or multiplication or whatever other numbers were flying- 1st and 10, 2nd and 4, 3rd and 15! The first number is the try they are on out of 4 and the second number is how many yard to go to get another try? That is HONESTLY incredible, what a great game.

All my girlfriends were diehard football fans. Loving whatever team there dad loved! So for Robin and Dawn that meant the Griz, hands down. Dawn also loved the Cowboys, Jeni Flynn loved the Broncos. At the time, I didn't know why I didn't love anybody, and I certainly didn't understand my roommates did.

It was this year-2008- during football season that I got it. I mean I knew that people, in general, became aligent fans with their dads, but I didn't know why. Until I saw Lily in Lawrence's nook on a cool but sunny September morning waiting for the Buckeye kickoff. She felt so important under the weight of his arm while he described who they should throw the ball to. She looked up at him with her eyes dancing with excitement as he included her in one of the most important things to him. As he burst with pride when she yelled O-H-I-O and she called red 'Scarlet' instead of red. That's why. That's why little girls love football. In the midst of a broken foot, and what I felt was a bit of a broken home (in my laid up opinion)...I got it. Their love was so indescribable.

Addie does the same thing for him, if only a touch. There's a touchdown and she does hands up, TOUCHDOWN. And he melts with the biggest and most beautiful smile on his face. She, too, will always watch football and think of her daddy with admiration, and love him as she roots his team on in later years.

College football Saturdays have become something I love love love at our house. Lawrence is so happy, we have friends over, he entertains, cooks, he is at his best. I eat, drink-coffee in the morning, a few beers in the evening--I can thank his dad for his love of sports. Some wives find it annoying to have sports fanatic husbands, but not me. I never worry if he'll find something to talk about with a newly met friend's husband. It's one of the few times outside of our family life where I see him truly passionate about something. He's extremely enjoyable to be around while sports are on. I can tell that he loves me more because I love him for it. And I do, and I'm not just saying that to try and be a cool wife. But it doesn't hurt that he things I am one for it, though.

He's definitely adopted the Griz since we met. He really loves them. He loves Old Griz. He loves Monte. He loves Missoula. He loves Paul Parsons. He knows the coach's name, and where he came from (Colorado I think), he knows how many rushing yards Reynolds averaged this season. His sports trivia in general is fantastic, really, uncanny.

Griz football, and seeing the stadium the last few weeks on ESPN has been very nostalgic for me. With both my girls getting free T-shirts from Monte's kids club. (Ordered by the loving husband) A few weeks ago, on TV, the sun started to set over Washington-Grizzly Stadium, and the field was partial sunny and partial shade. I could see the frosty breath of the fans. My stomach turned. In a good way. It was an incredible slash weird memory of being freezing cold in the stadium as the sun set and barely being able to see the field from the bright glare. And by the way, not having a CLUE what the rules were to this game. :)

Anyway, that's my ode to the Griz. Good try boys, even though you didn't win it's been fun getting to catch 6 games this year and one in person even. It's been fun for Lily to recognize our mascot and know that this is my team as opposed to thinking all football belonged to Lawrence. It was fun to take my friends to a game at PSU, and share something sports related that my husband and I really cared about together. It's interesting how a sports related post also turns to a good daddy/family post. There are moments in our life where I imagine myself as a little girl with a dad as great as Lawrence-what that would have been like for little girl Jenny, and it reminds me how lucky my little girls are. It's always so easy to recognize the things you aren't doing right, and unfortunately it's even easier to recognize the things you think that he isn't doing right. But how blessed we all are, and how important it is to realize it when you see things going very, very right. Those are the things I want to ingrain in my heart forever about the childhood of my babies.

(All pictures on this post are courtesy of our last visit to Missoula, Montana for homecoming in 2003.)