Faith vs Fear

A friend asked me to guest blog for her 31 blogs in January series.  I said yes a few weeks ago as we caught up for 2 hrs on the phone in a LONG overdue conversation.  Then on Tuesday she texted me to see if I'd commit to Sunday.  This Sunday.  Like today Sunday.  Well, crap, I didn't want to!  

And I had a million reasons to say no.  
1.  The kids were on snow day number 9 (unprecedented for the Portland area!)
2. I had only been to the office 2 days so far since Dec 22, 2016, due to snow and holidays.  
3. January is a super busy time for an accountant, especially one in management.  
4. I still have employee reviews to deliver.
5. My kids are driving me crazy and everyone is stir crazy and I can't leave the house and I'm trying to reconcile excel schedules with kids just making noise and picking on each other because they don't know what else to do. 

So I waited until Wednesday night, after I had been to the office for one day and felt mildly better about catching up on my job.  I usually LOVE working from home, but I had never been happier about getting a day in the office.  Until 

6. All the rain melted all of the snow and our gutters are frozen and so the rain dumped in and our basement started leaking, and estimate #1 says $14K to repair properly to ensure it doesn't happen again.  

But instead I texted back and said yes.  Yes, I can write a guest post for you.  

Because the truth of the matter is if I don't set a deadline, I'll never have the time, there will always be things that are more important.  But you know what?  I want to write.  I want to practice writing again.  And if I would have pushed her off until next Sunday, I would have shipped it off to her Saturday night/Sunday morning at 2am, like I did in the wee hours.  

It was hard to write.  I felt clumsy and too worded.  I was sharing some personal victories and tips and waking up early, and not drinking or being on FaceBook.  It was hard to press send.  I didn't feel like it was good enough for her beautiful blog.  I didn't feel like I had enough to offer.  I felt insecure all night.  Until I got a text today where she said she "loved it"!  

It inspired me, it reminded me. Both of my love of writing and I encouraged my self in the topics I wrote about.  Articulating my "why" made a big difference for me.  

This morning in church, the story of Abraham and Sarah was shared.  How they are really the ultimate story of faith.   God made them big promises about the nations and gifts he would give them.  He didn't tell the how, why, when or where!  And they just dropped everything, in ultimate faith, and they went (Gen 12).  But we barely get into their journey when Abraham becomes afraid and tells Sarah to act like his sister instead of his wife, and if backfires and she gets taken into the Pharaoh's Haram and Abraham gets rich from it,  God shows up for them, even though they were not faithful, he gets them out of the situation and even let's them keep their riches.  But can you imagine how Abraham felt?  Knowing he basically gave his wife to another man out of fear, potentially giving up all the nations and the promises, out of fear.  Can you imagine what a dumba$$ he felt like?  And this is like 5 minutes after JUST DOING THE THING THAT REQUIRED MORE COURAGE AND FAITH THAN ANY OTHER THING.  And then that is the story, the bigger story.  Of Abraham and of the whole Bible, and of every story.  Fear vs Faith.  Which will we choose?  Which will I choose.  

But fear...dang it.  It gets us.  It's at the heart of nearly every problem, weakness, sin.  

We make bad family, financial, relational, professional decisions because we are so afraid.  

The bible says fear not.  Do not be afraid.  

I was afraid to even write that paragraph above.  I'm clearly not a bible study writer or teacher.  And I'm basically just paraphrasing what the paster said this morning, with much more elegance.  Who do I think I am, re-telling it? THEN, when I overcame that fear, and kept typing, fear told me that people were going to judge me for being so religious, for writing about the Bible, for sharing myself or my beliefs at all.   But that's just what fear wants me to do.  Be silent.  Fear knows that God has a plan for me, and he wants me to share myself.  To feel known and seen and loved.  Fear doesn't want those things at all for me.  

Faith though, faith wants me to be empowered and brave and trusting.  Faith says that it will be the adventure of a lifetime, not a comfortable adventure, but a meaningful adventure, one where I feel loved and whole and worthy.  

When I think about a life free of fear, I imagine TRUE FREEDOM.  So I'm going to keep my eye on the prize.  

I've had a few fearful days, paralyzing days, days where I felt doom and gloom seeping in.  

But every good story has a villain.  And only because of the villain do we get to truly experience the power of God, the love of God, the goodness of God.  God.  

Faith says he'll be there for me.  When I trust Him bravely, but also when I blow it big time.  In the meantime, putting myself out there is a small step.  

Thank you Dawn, for asking me to step out into your space, to share myself.  You gave me a gift to push past fear and get back to what I love to do, which is share myself unapologetically as I write my story.  

Two apples

Getting out of the house on a Monday morning is no small feat.  Addie left mad at the world because I somehow lost her jog-a-thon envelope that I have never even seen.  Bryson wanted me to read him a lego magazine comic, but of course I didn't have time for that, so he slinked away and said, "That's okay, I'll just look at the pictures for now".  I let him watch Curious George to ease the guilt, just a little.  I could have had time, I thought, if I didn't need to eat, and wipe the counters, and make some coffee.  All in all, we got out of the house by 8:15 after I ransacked three cupboards through piles of papers tucked away during house showing with no sign of that damn jog-a-thon envelope and got Bryson to school by 8:25.  Beds made, laundry in hampers, cushions smoothed, hair cleaned off bathroom surfaces, sinks cleaned, toilets doubled checked for flushing, all just in case someone wants to look at our house to maybe buy it today. 

I got to school and Bryson's teacher asked me if we brought in two apples.  We did not.  Nor was it on my radar.  I asked her if I could bring them in on Wednesdays, she said that by Wednesday they'd be made into applesauce, today was for cutting them up and tasting.  She said I could bring them in after school when I picked him up.  But after school he goes to daycare, and I get home at 6pm at the earliest.  I left and thought about how I could get those apples to her after school.  Call our nanny, call another mom from the class? I ransacked my brain, trying to think if I knew about this at some point or not.  I could imagine a cartoony calendar, one from a month ago. Where was that thing now?  How could I let this happen.  I beat myself up most of the way home to get the apples. 

It's not the end of the world, you know.  

My friend is mourning the loss of her father
My friend is watching three of her kids thrive in health, and one in multiple therapies to regain mobility
My friend is worried that her marriage is hopeless
My friend is trying to understand her son's debilitating anxiety.
My friend is a newly single mother, worried that she cannot do it alone
My friend is pushing through the pain of her foster children.
My friend was in a car accident
My friend is worried about her mom's chemo treatments
My friend is struggling as she watches her daughter not recover well from surgery

I forgot the apples.
I had time to go home and get some and drop them off.
I still got to work on time.
I emailed the jog-a-thon team, new form will go home tomorrow.  
What is my problem then? 

My life with it's little blips each day is okay.  It's better than okay.  Today, I don't have any of those worries that I listed above and people I love have those, and that is a blessing.  Bigger than a blessing.  My day will come with some life shattering worries, I'm sure of it, but today was not that day, and if I pretend that it is, then I am a liar and a thief of my own time and joy.  

I will not let the liar into my head who tells me I am a failure because I forgot to bring some fruit to preschool.  Or that a mad kid over a lost fundraiser form determines my worth.  That my struggles are big or real, in the way that they have the power to take away my victories.  I will not let two bad apples rot away the tree full of good apples.  

I have to proactively work at this thinking.  We all do.  For some reason, it doesn't come naturally, not unless you practice it.  To wake up each day and remember to listen for the Voice of Truth over the lies of the busy and condescending world.  Each day starts anew, you have to remember again and again and again, until you are weary wondering how many times you have to learn the same lesson.  But then, there isn't a better feeling than feeling perceived failure pushing you down, sinking lower…only to remember the brightness of the good truth, and to feel your heart raising up, the fog lifting, the truth about who you are and what matters carrying you high.  

So today started with a feeling of defeat, but then, then I remembered.  

And now my heart soars with gratitude.  

summer of 2014 and the run on story of ours

The summer is coming to an end.  In fact, I sit here on Friday at 5pm, Labor Day weekend in front of me, and I cannot believe 1. The summer is over and 2. All of the awesome stuff we got to do this summer.  

June: 
We finished up baseball season and the school year on June 13th, it was both girls first year in Softball and that kept us VERY busy.  Lily had a great coach who gushed on and on about each kid, including mine at her team party, leaving me feeling so grateful for coaches and this one in particular.  A wiffle ball game of parents vs kids ended with LOTS of super fun laughs and some really good new friends.  On the first weekend after school we celebrated Father's Day, and then the kids and I headed out of town  to visit my college roommate in Spokane.  We went to Riverfront park and Silverwood amusement park, but perhaps the biggest highlight for me was just spending a week with my kiddos together with Robin spending a week with her kiddos, doing life together for a few days.  As soon as we arrived home, ran in the twilight run (girls got 1st and 2nd in their age group for the 5K), then bright and early went to the airport the next morning because Grandma & Grandpa Herman and cousin Tyler came for 2 weeks!  Bryson went to a VBS camp the first week, and the kids had an amazing time together. They went to Multnomah Falls, OMSI, berry picking, and to lots of parks in there area.  We did our best to show Tyler a fun Oregon summer experience. Addie had her "tag" Hot Wheels birthday party with some school friends and their families at Cook Park.  We got to celebrate Addie's 7th birthday together before they flew home on the red eye.  

July: 
We spend fourth of July weekend at home for the first time in years, watched fireworks at THS and went to a local small town parade.  It was fun, but nothing compared to Shake the Lake, we definitely don't want to miss the 4th at Wallowa Lake again anytime soon.  We received news of a great opportunity and made the decision to put our house on the market because a friend is selling her house in a location that would be perfect for us, she's giving us first dibs.  We did some minor stuff in the yard and around the house to get ready to go on the market, and then headed to the Blue Mountains for the Blanchet family reunion at Red Bridge state park.  The weather was perfect this year and the kids had so much fun with their cousins.  They have developed a super close relationship with my cousin Grace's boys, Colton and Caleb, and they were inseparable all weekend.  Camping keeps getting to be more fun as the kids get older.  It's still a lot of work, but nothing like it has been for the past 9 years! Four of the Herman's headed home, and Lily went to Joseph for two weeks with my mom.  Addie and Bryson had VBS camp while Lily went to Chief Joseph Summer Camp and spent a bunch of time with my friends and their kids.  I loved it for her!  I loved it for me, I went to CJSS when I was a kid and have great memories there, it was so nice to see Lily get a slice of memories of Joseph in the summer.  We had one weekend at home, while our house went on the market, so we stayed out quite a bit.  We went to see Planes 2, had a BBQ with the Ornelas Family, and rode bikes at Summerlake Park.  On Tuesday night we packed up to drive to Joseph.  This would be our kids first time at Chief Joseph Days, and of course we could not WAIT to see Lily.  As soon as we pulled up at about 11pm, she dove into the car to hug us all.  Reunited and it feels so good! 
We went to the Rodeo, played at the lake, the kids were in the Kiddie Parade (got second place as Cat in the Hat and Things 1-2 come to CJD), we had my 20 year HS reunion at Vali's, watched the grand parade, had my 20 year HS reunion at the Joseph City Park with families, and more fun at the Lake.  We drove home on Sunday tired and happy.  No rest though, the girls started soccer camp first thing on Monday morning! 

August: 
The first weekend of August Lawrence got a job offer (he had been looking since May for something with more opportunity), and this was a VERY happy way to kick off the month.  We stayed home that weekend and IT WAS SO NICE to have a weekend at home. We found time for a BBQ with our friends the Smith's, which we had been trying to schedule since school got out.  We shopped for Bryson's wedding outfit and a few school clothes, then we went to the Tualatin Crawfish festival and ran into some new good friends on accident, which was awesome.  Then Addie and Lawrence got to go to the Thorns (Portland's professional women's soccer) game, after I got my first church going in all summer!  The kids had 4 straight days of swim lessons from my friend Kim, and it did wonders for each of them.  Addie gained so much confidence and they were all putting their face in the water effortlessly (something that has been a challenge).  Enough of this relaxing stuff, Lawrence had his last day of work on August 8, took off half day, and we were off to go camping.  We were supposed to go camping with the Ornelas Family at RAAB campground, but they had a family medical emergency, so at the last minute we changed plans and went to Swift Forest campground in Washington near Mt. St. Helens with our newish friends the Schlichting Family (they have kids Addie and Bryson's ages and she was my postpartum nurse with Bryson!).  Lawrence borrowed kayaks from a friend and we LOVED this campground and the lake, it was so nice.  Lily paddle boarded on a piece of wood for a long time, it was so much fun.  Bryson and their little boy Paul got to be good friends and they just had so much fun.  On Sunday we packed up and stopped in Hood River to pick up a few forgotten items (somehow we messed up on packing for this long trip) and we got lunch at the Brewery there and then headed over Mount Hood to Central Oregon and Lake Billy Chinook at Cove Palisades State park.  It was so incredible.  The weather wasn't great, too hot, too rainy, too much lightning, but somehow we just had the time of our lives.  We met new friends at the campground across from us, and the dad was from New Jersey, so instant connection, we had a great time with them.  Wednesday we headed back to Portland so we could pick up Julia from Germany at the airport. What a beautiful reunion it was.  Time for another quick and long overdue BBQ with the Jordan family (Addie's BFF).  No rest though because it was time to head down to Mount Angel for the weekend for NannyJenny and Tim's wedding!  #burtonhanneganwedding  The girls were both flower girls and Bryson was the ring bearer and they all looked adorable and did great.  The wedding was at Vanderbeck Valley Farms and the location was to die for.  Really amazing amenities but not so fancy pants, really comfortable and great.  Jenny and Tim looked incredible and happy, such a beautiful bride and all of their wedding party were also fun and great to be around.  We all danced and sweated our pants off and it was a fun family night for all.  The next day was our anniversary and we celebrated by back to school shopping and watching the Glockenspiel.  Monday, Lawrence started a new job, and that week we juggled cars, and got used to him working 2 + hrs later than he ever has, which was an adjustment for us all, and our dinnertime/sports schedules! We all found time for the ALS challenge, and donated to alsa.org after dumping big buckets of ice water on our 5 heads.  The next weekend it was time for Hood to Coast.  Thursday night we met our team and decorated our vans, and then Friday, time to run.  More stressful packing, but once we got on the road to pick up the rest of our group, all was well.  I was proud of how everyone on our team ran, including myself.  I was nervous and wasn't sure how I would do.  My longest training run was 5 miles, and my shortest of the three legs was 4.55 miles.  But I did it.  I ran at sunset, I ran in the dark, I ran 6.24 miles, then 4.55 miles, then 5.24 miles.  I supported my team, I had no sleep, I had fun doing it all with my husband.  We stayed one extra night at the beach, sort of to celebrate our 12 year anniversary the week before.  We came home to another week of work, swim lessons, and BACK TO SCHOOL night.  Labor day weekend was super relaxed, we had pancakes for dinner as a request for by Julia for her last night, an EARLY morning goodbye on Saturday, then a day of family fun.  Lawr and I went to a tailgate party hosted by friends of ours that was sold at the PSO auction to benefit the school and it was so nice getting to know/reconnecting with a bunch of parents who have kids in both our girls classes.  Josh and Shawna took our kiddos for the night and we enjoyed our first night alone at our house since the night before Addie was born!  We returned the favor and had a fun Sunday with our kids + the Powers kids at Alpenrose.  Monday we had some house showings and went to "no playground park".  You know, since there was no soccer practice on Labor day, might as well go play some soccer.  

One more ice cream sandwich and backyard water fight and we were showered and in bed.  

Back to school tomorrow.  

What was your favorite part of summer?  Everything!     

Be Bold, and Beautiful, and Humble, and Healthy

I'm sitting at my desk.  The last business day of the year.  Accounting hell, normally.  But today was slow and steady and nearly done by 3:30.  Before I rush out the door to the busy that awaits me at home, the busy that does not expect me until 6pm, I decided to pause.  

I lingered through my Facebook feed during lunch today and so many posts about out with the old in with the new.  We all look forward to tearing off the page and looking at the hopeful blank canvas of the new one.  

The last few years, I chose a little motto and said it in my head when things got cloudy, out of focus.  

I am overwhelmed with the swirling thoughts of all I can do with my own blank canvas.  And when I become overwhelmed, I go back to things I've said to myself in years past, things that get me to good.  

Never wear your blessings like burdens
Do not let perfect be the enemy of good
Be where you are

Reminders that the things that haunt me are really of such little importance when I line them up against a simple sentence.  I find myself longing for another simple sentence to add to the list of wisdom.  

I saw some things that worked well for me this year

Bible Study
Early Rising 
Eating Well
Simplifying
Writing
Saving  
Running
Setting Goals
Creating 
Nature
Documenting
Connecting
Giving
Seek Beauty
Serve

You might read those words and thing they look like a pile of cliches, things people commit to doing, but to me, I see a loving list of works that make my heart sing, so I know they are MY things.  Hard things that I can do.  Things that will give me joy

Things I want to leave behind

Fear
Worry
Perfection
Waste

I want to pay attention to what is ruling me.

I want to be bold, and beautiful, and humble, and healthy.  I know what those words mean to me.

The stillness of this moment washes over me, and I am reminded beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am loved and blessed and cared for.  When moments are frenzied, if I can remember to be bold, and beautiful, and humble, and healthy, I can love better, both myself and my others.  

Thank you for beautiful lessons 2013, thank you for a beautiful life.  Joy awaits, I only need to be still and know.  My heart is open and ready for all the good as I turn my page and look at my blank canvas.    

Wordful Wednesday - Because words matter

Today at work, a friend was having a hard time.  We found 15 minutes to talk and I was so grateful.  At the end of our conversation I told her that she is a good wife.  Because she is.  She really needed to hear that today.  That's not why I said it, I said it because it is true.  

I got back to my desk and she wrote this to me:

You are such a blessing to me and all of your friends and family.

You rock as a wife and mother! And you are a good daughter and daughter-in-law too.

Most of all, you are a beautiful daughter of God! 

I think He must smile often when He thinks of you and your quest to be the best daughter of the King possible.

My friends, I can't think of anything nicer she could have said to me.  That anyone could have said to me.  This has been a tough week, and it's only Wednesday, and here this friend just whipped up what she thinks of me real quick in a gchat.  She whipped up in 30 seconds a few sentences that basically encompass what I want my whole life to be about.  And I'm in awe that someone I respect and think so highly of would say that about me.  Broken, messy, crazy, little, me.  To remind me that in all of my ugly places, God is smiling down on me, as His sweet little girl, and noticing how hard I'm trying.  My words mattered to her, and her words mattered to me.  Say nice things to people who...to people.  Because words matter.  

A very thankful November

I haven't posted much around here.  Not a thing for the month of November, and really, there is only so much looking at my daughter hanging up side down on her birthday that a person can do.  I worry when I read posts from my blog from 2008.  I wouldn't remember to remember many of those things, had I not posted them.  And time keeps passing, and not getting documented.  And what if I lose those moments.  There is no time to catch up, only time to move forward.  In the month of November I decided to do the Facebook thing where you say what you are thankful for each day.  I decided to really think about it.  By day 5 I could feel the change that gratitude was making in my heart.  I was looking around each day thinking about *what* I could list for my thankful thing today.  Wow, you know what?  When you look around and have to get to choose one thing...the gratitude MULTIPLIES!  So the whole month, my heart was full.  And I want to remember that.  Even as I went back to post my gratitude posts here, I remembered how I was feeling each day to post these, and my cup runneth over...

************************************************************************************

November 1: I'm thankful for my health body and for a healthy family. During this season of stuffy noses, I'm thankful that my noses aren't running this week, and thankful that even when they are, and it's sure to happen...these are things we overcome with little worry. I won't take the luxury of health for granted.

November 2: I am thankful for my mom. She is kind and truthful and selfless and is so full of love. I can't imagine who I'd be without her love and nonstop encouragement. My forever cheerleader, even at 36. I'm so thankful that we got to take a trip together last month, just us, it was wonderful making new memories with her and enjoying who she is. Thank you, Mom. — with Elane Dickenson.

November 3: I'm so thankful for my Lawrence. I'm grateful for everything that fell apart before I met him, so we could fall together. We have an amazing love story and I'm thankful to be living it. I'm thankful for our 13 years to love each other, 8 years of parenting, and each day of life still ahead of us. — with Lawrence Herman.

November 4: I'm thankful for the last 55 hours, our family of five was together the whole weekend, not apart for a moment. The fall has been so busy with soccer and birthdays and other school stuff, we are so often in divide and conquer mode, but I loved being together and at home for these few days. I love us!

Day 5: Gratitude multiplies in my heart. Just thinking about what to be thankful for, I'm bursting with more things to be grateful about. Today I am most thankful for where I am right now with my faith, and where I am going. There were years that I merely 'believed' in God but my faith was not strong, I wished I had strong faith I saw in others, to be bold for something, but I would roll my eye

s because I...just didn't have it, so I didn't understand it. And yet He was patient and loving with me, blessing me each day anyway. Waiting for my faith in Him to grow, loving me like crazy, just as I was. I'm just so thankful for the peace and joy Jesus brings me and for gentle, loving patience. He is love!

Day 6: I'm thankful that my company gave us Election Day off. It allowed me to volunteer in Kindergarten, vote, have lunch and go shopping with Addie, and get my hair done. I'm thankful for getting to do each of those things.

Day 7: I'm so thankful that our New Jersey family all got power back as of yesterday in time for these next few days of weathering freezing snow storms. I'm also thankful that they had minimal damage compared to some who have lost so much. I'm thankful for the way tragedy reminds us to be grateful for what we have, reminds us of what matters most, and reminds us to reach out and say I love you to the friends and family who mean the world but with whom we lose touch as a result of 'busy'. We love and miss you!

Day 8: I'm thankful that my daughters have a sister. I'm thankful when I find them hovered/tangled together over the heat vent in the morning. I'm thankful each time I eavesdrop on their way after bedtime whispering. I'm thankful when they want to dress alike. I'm thankful as they wave to me, their smiling faces next to each other on the school bus each morning. And I'm most thankful when I see one reach for the other's hand and the other accepts its comforting grasp. I know that we have years of ups and downs with these beautiful sisters, and I'm thankful for every day I get to witness the incredible intense relationship that is having a sister.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for a childhood BFF. ShanRae was diagnosed with Melanoma one year ago today. I'm grateful that she encouraged me to get my skin checked, and that she was there for me the day I got my diagnosis of a much less serious skin cancer. She has helped/saved hundreds of people by sharing her scary story so openly, bringing awareness to the seriousness of melanoma and skin can

cer. She is an advocate for health in every sense of the word. Read her status today if you haven't already - an amazing woman; everyone who knows her is thankful that she is in their life. Nine months after the surgery to remove my own skin cancer, I can honestly say that I'm thankful for that time, because I have never felt more loved in my life. I am thankful that even though all things are not good, God can and will use all things for good if we are open. I am thankful for ShanRae's life and courage and health and for all the good she has allowed to come to the world through her struggle. Keep flapping those butterfly wings, my friend.

 — with ShanRae Hook Hawkins.

November 10th: I'm thankful for birthdays, for the the way they make you feel special. I'm thankful for Facebook and how it connects us. I'm thankful for my family, for the loved ones I got to see today and for those I didn't. I'm thankful for feeling loved. Because I really, really do. I'm thankful for a good day, for 36 good years. I'm thankful.

Day 11: Today I'm thankful for my baby brother. I'm thankful that after a year in Iraq he came home to us safely. I'm thankful that my original little family of three had him in it. I'm thankful for the day he came into the world and mad

e me a big sister, a role that taught me so much about love. He is a wonderful uncle to my children, a wonderful son to my mama, and a wonderful brother to me. He is kind and thoughtful, and I am grateful for the man he has grown up to be. Love you Matthew Dickenson!

Day 12: I'm thankful for the strong-willed and beautiful girl who made me a mother, the life-title that I will be forever proud of. Lily is smart and funny and crazy and weird and stubborn and sneaky and loving and tenderhearted. She thrives in routine and while laughing and doing math and her heart breaks when her expectations aren't met. She loves school and her siblings and her mama and dad

dy. She hates it when things come to an end, whether it be a vacation, a play date, a recess, or a day. She could do without bedtime. Somedays I feel like I am looking in a mirror, when I look into her heart or discipline her misbehavings. Just when I think she can't make me feel more crazy or more loved, she does. I'm grateful for the reflection, and for what it teaches me about myself. She's also a crafting machine and I'm certain that we'd have 99% less riff raff in our home without her. She's taught me that a house full of riff raff is a house full of love. I'm thankful for my Lillian Audrey and for having another soul in our family that is so similar to mine.

Day 13: I'm thankful for photos. Lawrence and I just cleaned out our crawl space and I found two huge boxes of old pictures. I'm thankful for the way a photo can remind you of a moment you totally forgot about and bring a big smile to your face. I'm thankful that I have such a love of documenting! Now if I could find a million more hours in the week to stay on top of all the good stuff that happens.

Day 14: I'm so so thankful for my sweet little Addie. My oh-so-middle child who I was certain I could keep from doing any middley child type things. I am thankful that she was the happiest baby who ever was, that she slept through the night early on, a welcomed gift after her nonsleeping sister. She is her daddy's "buds". I'm thankful that my tiny little thing can fit in your pocket - always.

 Addie is the best cuddler ever, she sneaks in and snuggles like a missing puzzle piece. And as long as she has her BFF "bear-bear" in hand all is good in her world. Unless she's losing at a game. She has a competitive streak like nothing I've ever seen...she's a game board flipper big time, but she will work her tush off for a little praise. She is the biggest helper and the biggest trouble maker in our family. I always say that Lily made me a mama but Addie made me a GOOD mama, a confident mama. I was a better mother to two than I was to one (and truth be told I was a better mother to two than I am to three!), I'm thankful that Addie has lit up my life every.single.day. since she was born. I could never put that smile, that laugh, that voice, even her adorable red-faced tears, into words. She is my Addie. People always tell us that we look alike, and my friends, you could give no bigger compliment. Thank God for my beautiful Adeline Faith.

November 15: I am so thankful for this beautiful day. I am thankful to live in such a beautiful city. The fall colors, the blue sky, the buildings, the leaves raining down and dancing on the road, Mount Hood and Mount St. Helens appearing out of nowhere on the horizon, the waterfront sparkling and the architecture of the bridges...it all makes for an amazing drive to work, an amazing way to start the day. There is so much beauty to be seen, and I'm thankful for the times that I truly open my eyes, because the beauty overwhelms me. The fish on the radio, hot coffee in my hand, AND THE SUN SHINING IN NOVEMBER...it's good to be alive. Thankful!

Day 16: I am very thankful for my littlest BIG blessing, Bryson, who has kept me on my toes every second since he was born. He came into the world to keep me humble, to make sure that I didn't think I had this whole mothering thing figured out by now. From his days of early colic & rsv to his never ending days of escapism to more dangerous ground, this little guy shows love like no other, Every 

emotion he has he shows with his WHOLE self. I'm thankful that on most Tuesdays and Fridays I get to start working late and after we get the girls on the bus, we have Mommy-Bryson morning time, with our coffee and milk and books and cuddling. He tells me how the world works and sings songs between the slurps from his sippy cup. I'm thankful that my little boy has such an ear for music and speaks so clearly with so many thoughts and opinions (thank you in part to two big sisters, I'm sure). He is a pure delight to put to bed, we sing "you are my sunshine" and he loves to climb in his crib. At almost three, my climber-extraordinaire can, but does NOT, climb out of his crib. I'm oh so thankful for this miracle. I've run miles and miles chasing this little boy during his short years, and I will gratefully...gladly run many, many more. I'm thankful to be my son's mother and for the gift this experience brings for a lifetime, whatever it may be.

Day 17: Today I'm thankful for a wonderful day of college football with my family. I'm thankful to have a college education and love being an Alum of The University of Montana. The Griz didn't win, but we still had a lot of fun celebrating the rivalry tradition with new and old friends!

November 18: I am so thankful for so many good friends. It's as simple as that. I cannot imagine this life without you!

November 19: I am so thankful for our wonderful nanny,Jennifer, she is amazing with our kids and totally helps make the Herman show go round. She has a beautiful heart and she takes such good care of all of us, me included. While there have been times over the years that I wish I wasn't a working mom, I'm thankful that I get the opportunity to employ an incredible person. This job has brought 

some great people in to our family over the years, and we have built a community of young ladies whom my children will treasure for the rest of their lives. I'm thankful that my kids are excited to see her arrive in the mornings & aren't ready to let her go each afternoon. I'm thankful of how sure we are that we have the right person taking care of our most important blessings each day! Love you Jenny!

Day 20: I'm thankful for how angelic babies look when they sleep. I've learned more than I ever wanted to know about sleep in the last 8 years. The best lesson would be that as you look at your sleeping babe, every single hard thing melts away. Every moment is worth it. You see it so clearly when you have a moment to watch them be still. For example:

November 21: today I am thankful for TWO huge blessing that came into the world seven years ago. This was the day we got a niece AND a nephew! Happy birthday Ty and Cass. We love you!

November 22.  Thanksgiving. Thankful! Gratitude is the attitude! I loved sitting at a table full of love with my friends and family. This view out the window. Good food. Good conversation. Good people. I. Am. Blessed.

Day 23: So thankful for Grandmas and old friends from way back when who know me best. Thankful for the relationships that build between my peeps and my hubs and my kids...and their kids every time I come home! I love the way it feels to be from and in this place.

Day 24: thankful for getting to support small businesses in Joseph today and for our fun family tradition- the "Jingle through Joseph" parade

November 25: Thankful for my own bed. Thankful for good roads and my safe driving husband to get us home. Thankful for Mandy and Joe Nelson, who always make time for us no matter how busy life is. Thankful that my mama still lives in Joseph. Thankful for my long time friend,Dawn, who has a birthday today, Happy Birthday my friend, I'll love you for another 20 years! And then some!

Day 26: I'm thankful for so many great teachers in the world. I'm grateful that Paula S Kurtz & Shelly Trueblood Orchard welcomed my girls to preschool and elementary school, giving them such a positive start, and I am so lucky to consider them both my friends. Katy Pauls, Melinda Lathrop Garcia, Robin Rose, Sharon Duty Pieloch, Stefani Schaefer Sellers, Jenn Hunter, Amy Dato Mills, Jason Ritter,

...the hard work you do does not go unnoticed! The kids who get to spend their days with you (including your own) are blessed! Thank you for all that you add to my life, I am a better parent because of you. (And seriously, Shelly, that Kinder FB page makes me light up every day at 11am...sitting at work with notifications to see how much fun my Addie had today. I LOVE IT!) For all the other teachers on my friends list, and I know there are a lot of you, I am thankful that you work hard, fight uphill battles, and chose this profession for all the right reasons. I'm thankful that you do this even without the recognition and compensation you deserve. There are multitudes of parents who will be forever grateful for the difference you make in our families! Please remember our gratitude when you have a hard day!

 — with Brian Scott and 8 others.

Day 27: I am thankful for Lynn Hansen, she is such an encouragement to me and when she talks to me her voice sounds like a hug!

Day 28: Thankful for my early release from Jury Duty, meaning I get a few hours with my kiddos before date night. How cool is that? Thankful for date night and accompanying the #1 fan to the Springsteen concert tonight. (Not sure if he is number one, number one, but number one this side of the Misssissip for sure!)

Day 29: I'm thankful that my kids have such great Grandparents. Lawrence's parents are visiting them from NJ for the 4th time this year. I'm thankful that my kids get to really "know" their Grandmas and Grandpa! I have wonderful memories and feelings of being loved by all of my Grandparents, and feel so fortunate that my kids have very close relationships with all 3 of their Grandparents.

November 30: I'm thankful for being thankful. Gratitude really is the key to contentment. It turns what you have into more than enough.