Kicking off the week of Christmas

I'm going to attempt to do a Christmas related blog all week. We'll see. Usually when I try to kick something off, I announce it to the world and then queue cricket noises for the next week. But I'm gonna try. Because there is a LOT of good stuff to blog about. Not the least of which is this coffee complete with it's candy-cane-mocha-french-vanilla-sweetie-grossie-creamer. YUM. Tastes so good with my 5 hrs of sleep!

It's hard to imagine that LAST year, we were still waiting for Bryson when I mailed out our cards. He was kind of in our card, in the cutest way ever, in my opinion.

MAN! I was so on the BALL last year. The week of Christmas was the most peaceful, non-busy week ever! Gifts and tree bought a month in advance, cards mailed, no work or worry of the 4 million dollars left in orders left to process in the week before year end. No thoughts of an impending audit. Just porn star bleeding nipples and up all night wake up calls with my sweet newborn. Ahhh, but that was last year, snap back out of dream world, Jenny. You are flat now. Heh. Well, almost. Hey, it's it weird how you get on to blog your family Christmas card and you end up talking about your boobs. Okay so maybe this candy-cane-mocha-french-vanilla-sweetie-grossie-creamer is getting to me. Or maybe it is the 5 hrs of sleep. Why did we go to bed so late every night this weekend? I mean, I don't remember accomplishing anything. Crap. Maybe I will be horrified later that I said boobs on my blog. I don't know. Probably not, I mean, they are just boobs. Barely. I guess we'll find out. I forever love to compare year to year and sometimes I'm funny, sometimes I'm weird. I'm guessing this blog will fall into the funny category, but you just never know. (eyeroll, who is the weird girl?)

Oh, and disclaimer. My card was created by Sara at Less Ordinary Designs. I found her on Etsy, she did my friend, Shawna's baby announcement for me. She was so awesome to work with and for $15, really, who can beat that, I used her again for our card this year. She did one million revisions for me and treated me like I was totally NOT annoying. Photos were taken by the photographer from Bend who took our pictures in Sunriver, Devin Miller. If you haven't used Etsy to create holiday cards I strongly recommend it. It is so cheap and easy, and you can get some really cool designs that are customizable pretty much any way you want!

Without further ado, I'm off to work, and the first of 4 super duper busy days before 6 days off! YAY!

Happy Holidays from The Herman Family and Julia! We wish you the best!

One

Photos by Christina Gilchrist - www.christinagilchrist.com

He's one. My youngest child is already a year old. How can it be? Insert all cliches about where the time is going, my baby is growing up, etc.

I adore this little man. How is it possible that you can have enough love in your heart for each of your children? I don't know. And to love each one more than the next? It's something I think about daily, because sometimes I honestly can't fathom how there is enough love to go around, but there just IS. And it's amazing.

I was standing in my living room this morning with my early waker on his big day, and looking at the Christmas decor and Hanukkah banner and Birthday cards cluttering up the mantle. And I just soaked in all that we have to celebrate this month. Who cares about the stress and the busyiness and the gift buying. We have SO much to celebrate! And so it will be for us every December and we should be nothing but filled with gratefulness.

Since I have been such a slacker about Bryson and his accomplishements over the past two months, I'll give a run down on all his newest tricks. He is full on walking now. He started taking steps around 10.5 months and by 11 months was stepping consistently. He's always barreling forward so he was falling a lot because he didn't take the time to get his feet under him. But now, he has his balance and he walks everywhere. Still full steam ahead. I call it the monster walk because he puts his hands above his head and is usually babbling or shreiking and waddling like a little monster! It is so precious. I know the days will be here soon enough when he had steadier footing, so I'm soaking in this wobble monster.

He has four teeth. Two tops, two botttoms.

We MADE IT!! As I nursed him this morning I thought, OH. MY. GOSH. I made it to a year. Now, disclaimer that we've been supplementing with formula since 2 months old and in the last month I've stopped pumping at work and only nurse when he wakes up and goes to bed. Add the recent cold he's had where he can't breath and such at the same time so he has to stop every 2 seconds to breath, and I'm pretty shocked that we got here. About 3 weeks ago I told Lawrence I thought I was done. He said, for the record, he would still "call it" a year. He knows me too well. I was happy with that, and have been actually really at peace with being done or not. I mean, given that at 5 weeks old this time I thought I couldn't do it any more when he had colic and RSV. Then at 6 weeks when I gave up dairy until 6 months (how in the heck did I do that! seems like another life time, honestly!) I just never, ever imagined I'd make it to a year this time, and even though I supplemented him with formula more than my other babies, this is my hardest accomplishment. So I'll be proud of that. I don't know why one year is so important to me. I know lots of moms who go longer or less or not at all, and I have NO judgment about them, but when it comes to myself, I think it gives me a sense of being my best for him, or being tied to him, needed by him. I'm not sure, but it was important to me, and I didn't think I would make it, and I did. So woo-hoo!

I'll report back later today with his stats from the dr:

October was by far Bryson's worst sleeping month since newborn. I don't know what was up but HE WAS. Then November has been like one night a week he wakes up for no reason. He is always up for 2-3 hrs. It's kind of brutal after 8 months of sleeping through without exception. But I won't complain. He still takes two naps, usually a long morning and a shorter afternoon. We enjoy it, but since he and Addie are on opposite nap schedules, we DEFINITELY look forward to one nap by both of them at the same time and the oppotunity to leave the house occassionally without worrying about somebody being cranky for missing a nap! Although I will admit, I love to volunteer to stay home while Bryson sleeps, and the rest of the family goes out to do something fun. These are my occassional peaceful moments.

The big question everyone asks: So is it a lot different having a boy than a girl? Those of you out there with 3 boys are just drooling with delight to hear stories of destruction and broken limbs. Waiting for us "all girlers" to cross over into boy land. Well I hate to disappoint, but so far, not much different. He doesn't even pee in my face. Maybe because he is so fat he has a hidden penis. Sorry buddy, (he asked me not to blog about that). He is a lot more adventurous but actually less so than Lily was at this age (she, I was told behaved more like a boy in her early years, as a no fear climber).

One of my friends writes a great blog thread called "my girls never did that". She has 3 girls and a boy as her youngest. And she photographs and notices the cutest thing her now 5 year old does, so different than her daughters. I love the idea, and most definitely can't wait to start notices the differences. I think most of the differences are because he's the 3rd, and not because he's a boy.

His big fat padded feet are so kissable. I still dread that one day these will become man feet. And that day is closer now that he is walking. IF I could stuff his feet in, he would be in a size 5 or 6 shoes, but so far he hasn't worn anything but Robeez, size 18-24 mth. This is also his size of clothing. I have a feeling shod-ding him is going to be an issue.

We had a birthday party for Bryson on Saturday, we just invited 2 families and Lawrence's parents were here. It was a house full, but just perfect. My friend (and photographer) Christina came over to capture the day, and it was AWESOME for me not to even pick up the camera. She sent me the sneak peak pictures above. (www.ChristinaGilchrist.com).

I made Bryson a giant cupcake, idea from my friend, Nancy, and it was perfect. I'm glad I have the mold, though I have a few ideas of what I would do better next time. Nancy said that would happen! :) Bryson loved playing in the frosting and eating the yellow cake. Since Addie had a milk allergy, and I didn't know about cake mixes with no milk, she didn't get the first birthday cake smashing. SO I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED THIS ONE. I just love it. I know it's a mess and it's hard to clean up, but seriously, I love it, something about a first birthday cake being devoured and making the ultimate mess just makes me happy. :)

The girls love their little brother. Lily is so good with him, she could be a little mommy. It reminds me of a certain someone I know and her sweet baby brother, Matt. Just wait Bryson, when you are getting ready to go to college and you have 3 mommies telling you what to do, and watching out for what is "best" for you, you are iiiinnnnn trouble! :) Anyway he and Lily have a special bond, and anytime I feel guilty about things Lily could be missing out on because she HAS TO STAY AT HOME ALL DAY FOR HER SIBLINGS TO NAP, um, I just have to look at all she has gained by getting to be his big sister, and any guilt or doubt about what is best for her just melts away. Addie still commits random acts of violence against Bryson but he is starting to hold his own. She is genuinely a lot more loving to him and even this morning said, "Happy Burstday, Bwyson, you are one today" when she saw him. Then she kissed his back. The three of them have moments of all playing well together and it is just awesome. Bryson looks for them, adores them, cries when it is time to say good bye before they go to school.

Bryson and our AuPair, Julia have a very special relationship as well. She is so at ease with him and he took to her right away. It has been nice for me, at this age when separation anxiety is sometimes at the max, for me to have someone else that he feels so comfortable with. I realize that isn't something I had with the girls and it has been a source of comfort for both me and for Bryson. He definitely loves her, and when she comes downstairs in the morning, he says good morning to her with the sweetest hug.

At one year Bryson has more words than either sister did at a year (hows THAT, for a BOY!?). He says, "nigh-nigh" (my favorite!), "ba" (ball), "ba" (bottle), "bu-bu" (bye-bye), "ma-ma", "da-da", "ad-da" (all done), "Mo" (more), "ha" (hi-said into his hand or any other object as a phone). We do more and all done in sign language, but he would prefer loud screaming and yanking off his bib to get his point across. So far he doesn't have much use for the sign language. :)

He knows where his belly is, he does "so big" and "touch-down" with his hands when you say it. He points at any and everything he can. He says "da" as to show you where and what he means. He claps when you start singing "If your happy and you know it", or if you say "Yay!" to anything. He LOVES to clap. He knows how to hug and kiss. He likes to pull hair and glasses. A LOT. His go to cute move is to put his head down on someone or something, your shoulder, the floor, a pillow, a stuffed animal. It ALWAYS gets the same genuine response from everyone in the room. "Aaahhhhhhhh".

Bryson has made our family complete. He has set us all in a tailspin of unbalance and craziness. The little guys outnumber the big guys. We've had to put our priorities in order in more ways than I can describe here. We changed our entire thinking about how "things are supposed to be" in order to make way and room for this son in our family. I am forever grateful for all those changes. I believe in God's grace more than I can ever describe because I go to bed each night with it cloaked over me. I thought I had a few things figured out before Bryson came along. In fact, before each of my children came along. And I was reminded of who isn't in charge. That would be me. Thank you, Bryson, for showing me that my ability to give love is multiplying, that I can do anything I set my mind to, in the name of love, and for making me giggle with delight each and every day.

My friend, Sarah, the infant chiropractor and LLL Leader in Florida who helped me get to where I needed to be to "fix" Bryson's colic (thus giving me the second half of my maternity leave back for which I will be forever grateful!), sent me this quote the day after he was born. I forgot about it and found it yesterday while looking for something. It's so very true. Bryson's laugh and smile touches me deep inside and I do feel grand because of him.

‎~If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle. ~ Vincent van Gogh

Dolly playdate

Last night Bryson had what is sure to be the first of many many many times playing dolls with his sisters. He and the rest of the babies in the house had a play date, and boy did they have fun.

I mean, the girls have been having a lot of play dates lately, so why should we leave Bryson out.

Here he is with all of his new friends. I'm not sure why they are all so scantily clad. Bryson didn't know it was no pants day, but was glad he fit in...
Tail end of a smile...
I think his eyes are gonna be blueAddie is such a rebel sibling picture taker...(insert laugh and head shake), Lily on the other hand will do any and everything to be photographed with her brother, or to get a picture of "the three".

So we move to Addie's spot...better.
Hey girls let's get a picture of you kissing your brother's cheek (remembering a cute photo I'd seen like this with each sib kissing baby's cheek).
Oh wait...not like that. Sigh. Bryson survives another malling.


Look how peaceful he looks! This melts me. Another chiro appt today, and he is doing so great.

I took Lily to Bryson's chiro appt with me today and then to Michael's where she bought a Valentine craft with her own money. We had lunch (she ate, while I nursed Bryson in the car) and then I took her to school. It was a long exhausting morning ( maybe my own version of supermom?) for me after a long stretch of being up last night. However, it was really good quality time with Lily. I enjoyed the long car ride each way talking with her, and then Michael's was fun too. Sometimes my head is spinning and I'm not in the moment with her, and this is probably the best, most quality time that I have spent with her since B's birth. It was really really nice. While we were away, Addie had a play date with Sabine and another au pair with a 2 year old boy, Milo. Her new friend! :)

Friday we swap and Addie goes to the chiro with B and mommy while Lily gets a play date with her friend Nathaniel. I hope that goes just as well.

We have a week of birthday parties, dentist appts, postpartum appts, etc, etc, coming up next week, so busy, busy. I've even made 2 coffee dates. Like ahead of time. Plans. For me. Is this what you call functional? Plus I start the 30-day shred on Monday with 4 friends! I'm so glad that I reached out and asked a few of my good friends to do this with me, I was planning on going it alone and now I feel so much more certain I can stick with it because I reached out, and as it turns out, they are all so happy as well for an excuse to get going and have accountability...virtual accountability of course!

I have been working with Bryson the last 3 days on a schedule and getting to sleep out of arms/swing/etc. The last 2 days he has fallen asleep FOUR times for naps in his crib when laid down awake but drowsy with no crying and no intervention on my part. Night times haven't been as good, but he has slept the last 2 nights in his own room. I can't tell yet, if I'm getting more sleep or less, but I think the sleep I am getting is a little deeper than when he was next to me.

Speaking of sleep, time to do some of that!

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...take six weeks

I started this post 2 weeks ago! I'm sitting here trying to make a to do list to feel a little less overwhelmed and a little more organized, but somehow getting a blog out makes me feel both of those things. For some reason it won't let me take this post off italics, so italics you get!

Bryson is six weeks today. It's a little hard to believe that somehow six weeks has passed. A few weeks ago I was thinking about the passing of time. It just keeps marching on. And while I was struggling with him through "colic" and being sick and all the reassurance I received from people were things like "this too shall pass" or "it'll be over by 3-4 months", I couldn't help but feel somewhat cheated. I'll be going back to work the week of March 22, and THIS is the time I have with him now. THIS is when I want to enjoy the time. I don't care so much about it getting "easier", because, HA, that's sort of a joke, considering there are days with Lily and Addie that I think, I can't believe they are still this much work.

I guess that's why I'm so shocked and grateful of the huge impact of the chiropractic treatment. And I'm so pleased/blessed/thankful. Because it really gave me back time with my baby and I feel like I was able to do something other than just wait it out. It isn't about me, HE is so much less miserable. And what mommy doesn't relish in seeing that!?

I'm still in somewhat of survival mode, and it seems like I should be operating at a higher level by now. I'm not napping every day (not by choice) but I'm not showering every day either, and often find myself still in my spit up covered pjs at lunch time with my teeth unbrushed. Last night Bryson had a really hard night, I'm not sure what that was about, but he couldn't get back to sleep after eating at 11pm, and was up and down until 4:30am when I put him in his own room, in his own crib. And then he slept for 2 hrs. He's in there now, and is taking his first real nap in his own bed. I need to get a child proof door knob for his room to keep Addie from marching and to wake him up and see what he is up to. She's a little stinker too, yelling, "WAY UP Bwyson!"

Physically, I feel pretty good, I'm still wearing mostly maternity sweats, umm, clothes for the most part because it's whats quick and comfy and in my drawers, but I did squeeze into a pair of non elastic waist jeans the other night for an outing. I'm planning to try to lose the weight using the 30 day shred. I've heard that this is GREAT for postpartum moms. But so far, I'm actually pretty pleased with my postpartum stomach. I remember feeling shocked by it's largeness after my last two pregnancies, so either I'm just more realistic this time about what to expect, or it is in fact a bit smaller, likely some combination of the 2. My goal is always to lose the weight by time the baby is nine months, but in reality I usually lose it closer to 2 years...who's counting. We have a family vacation planned in August and since that is close to 9 months and as good of time as any, I might shoot for that as my goal. I know that getting back in shape will give me more energy and strength and I care about that more than what size of jeans I'm fitting into. Wait, could that be age and maturity talking? naaaaaaahh.....

When I was on maternity leave with Addie I was so FUNCTIONAL by this point. I was joining mommy meet up groups, going for long walks in the park, enjoying days with Lily and Addie, and don't mind if I admit having days of feeling pretty supermomish. I'm pretty sure she was doing six or more stretches at night, so I was relatively rested. It was August, and in Portland that is just a FABULOUS time of year, spirits are high, and mine definitely were. I don't mind the gray skies or the rain, I still think it is really beautiful here year round, but it's certainly more work to get out to get fresh air because, frankly, it just doesn't feel that good. So fresh air and exercise is sometimes limited to the mad dash to the car as to not get wet.

All that being said, with Addie, I started having anxiety attacks around 8 weeks. I didn't recognize the cause at the time but it was my thinking (dreading) of going back to work. I even had my heart checked out, because it was pounding in my chest and I couldn't see that I was feeling anxious. I got to stay home for 16 weeks with Addie and this time I'll be going back with Bryson is three months old. More of my anxiety right now stems from the logistics of managing all the things and people in my life that I will need to manage. Right now things are pretty simple during my days. They are very tiring sleep deprived days, but they are simple. My full time job is feeding and caring for Bryson. Sabine takes care of the girls, and while I play with them and give them some love throughout the day, she keeps them fed and on their schedule and takes them on outings, does crafts, chauffeurs Lily to school 3 afternoons a week. I've got it pretty good. Bryson is my only job, and they idea of that changing hurts my brain. And my heart.

But I don't like to complain, I do not believe there is a full time working mom out there who has it as good as I do. I work at home 2 days a week, and have all the flexibility in the world from my childless, single, male boss to take care of things at home when needed. I sometimes wonder what he thinks about the quantities of illness and accidents and ear infections that two (soon to be three) children can acquire. Still, he always lets me do what I need to do as long as the work gets done, which it always does. He knows that I will always do what needs to be done to meet deadlines, etc. I do keep up my end of the bargain, and work many late nights after the family is in bed doing so. I'm in a position lots of working moms would love to be, and I always want to keep that in perspective.

I'm just saying, life IS simpler when I don't have to worry about accounting software, or balance sheets, or sales numbers, or tax deadlines, or vacation days, or account balances. So for now I'm going to relish in the fact that I have six more weeks just to be mom. And for the record, I really do like just being mom. And since I see both sides of the world, being "just" mom, is much much harder than having "time off" to go to the office and be with grown ups 3 days a week. Notice above I said simpler, not easier. Going to work is working, yes, but also peeing and lunching when you like. Having a few minutes of quiet to think when you like. Enjoying a hot cup of coffee without the worry of it scalding a something-month-old when you like. These are things you don't have but often desperately need when you are "just" mom. So I get those things a few days a week, and then I get to be mom more days a week and I get to contribute to supporting the family as we need. And it's crazy and hard, but so is any path you choose and once the boat settles this job and this company do give me some semblance of balance that we all are looking for.

PLEASE Just remind me of all that when I'm clinging to my door knob watching 3 crying faces out the window with my breast pump loaded on my back and tri-met tickets in my pocket and I'm screaming, "NO I DON'T WANT TO GO!!"

Lily and B having tummy time
Daddy with his 3 kids, early am style. I love how he doesn't look tired AT ALL!

B falling asleep in Jeanine's arms
More tummy time
Falling asleep during tummy time!

No milk for you

Yesterday Bryson was 3 weeks old. He weighed 9lbs 8oz, up 1 pound since the week before!

Since his fussiness has gotten worse, I called my lactation consultant on Saturday and asked her what I should look for to see if he had reflux because that seemed to be a common question I was getting from other mamas when I mentioned how fussy he is.

Oh wait, he is screaming...maybe more later...

Okay, I'm back.

Lactation Laurie said she could tell if he had reflux in about 5 minutes if she could watch him eat. She was certain his fussiness was due to a feeding issue. When I asked her how she knew, she said "because I have been doing this for 28 years and what you are describing is not that uncommon". Oh.

So as soon as she took him out of his carseat on Sunday morning she said, "OH MY GOSH, this boy is FILLED with gas." He is so gassy and has cramps and that is the issue. She didn't think it was a milk sensitivity because that normally comes with crusty eyebrows and cradle cap, which he doesn't have, but after looking at him a little more, and seeing that he is nursing well, for sure no reflux, gaining well, just gassier than gassy can be...she decided to have me try no milk protein in my diet for the next three weeks. Also I'm giving him infant gas drops before each feeding.

Sunday night was horrible. Lawrence was out returning the TV we borrowed for the buckeye game. He just screamed in pain, inconsolable for 2 straight hours, and I was alone. I know friends who've had babies with colic, who cry for 4 hrs per night every night for 4 months, and I could not have imagined. Two hours felt like an eternity. At the end when he finally went to sleep I felt exhausted and worn out and numb.

So we had a pediatrician appt yesterday and his circumcision is finally all healed up. She confirmed everything Laurie said, agreed with most of the suggestions, though said if I wasn't seeing a difference in 10 days of dairy free, she would probably stop and not go the next 10.

He had a great day yesterday, napped well, lots of happy awake time. Lots of TOOTING! Last night was a little rough, and today I'm beat. Today hasn't been as good as yesterday but I do see a bit of an improvement over a week ago.

Dairy free is hard for me to do. I have everything in the house because of Addie's allergy. But I don't like soy. At all. And there is no French Vanilla Coffee Creamer at Albertsons, even the dairy free has milk in it. Go figure. But I plan to try Trader Joes or Whole Foods to find something I can put in my coffee.

So Lynnette, Sharon, anyone else out there who gave up milk protein for a YEAR, any suggestions...advice...how quickly is this gonna work?

And Laurie did say part of this is just his personality. He has a hot temper and wants what he wants NOW!

Man...it probably goes with out saying but a non fussy baby is so much easier. Addie, you spoiled the CRAP out of me!!

I'm worn out, I'm tired, there's not much in the tank for the girls...but I'm making it through, on very little caffeine and sleep...or protein...all of my favorite snacks are dairy.

Someday my daughters will forgive me for being such an impatient mama with no energy for them. At least I got a nap yesterday, today, I laid down for a while, but couldn't sleep because of a headache and some other stresses I couldn't stop thinking about.

Our old nanny Katy is visiting tonight and so is my aunt and cousin...

...and wouldn't you know it...

It's time to nurse again. Three hours passes at the blink of an eye!

Man, I wanna love nursing...but...