Saturday, January 31, 2009
This was the blog of the photographer who took our belly photos and newborn photos and Addie's one year photos. She said on her site, here is my new blog, but you can see my old blog at...so I was pleasantly surprised to see my family first thing when I clicked on her old blog...ahhh.
Click Here for her website - there are a lot of pics of our family and my big old belly on her site too.
If you are a mama in the Portland area, who likes to support a working mama, she's your girl. She's fast, good with the kids, comes to your house, or park, or where ever. At Addie's one year, I thought she FOR sure hadn't gotten any good ones, and I was SHOCKED when she game back with 300+ that were awesome!
Since we didn't order many pictures, it was fun to see and still have access to all those great shots!
I have the cutest pictures of Lily last Saturday at Nathaniel's birthday party, riding the max train downtown, that I want to post.
Nathaniel's mom, Tanya, gave birth to miracle baby girl last night. Grace Anna Chappelle was 8lbs 2oz. 19 inches. I haven't seen any pictures yet, but her mom is gushing about how precious. It is Tanya and Jonathon's 3rd baby.
I have a mental list of so so so many cute new things the girls have been doing. Like today Addie put on her own pants and shoes and then danced around saying "Gob Gob A-ee" Trying to get me to say Good Job Addie. And so many other things, my brain is tired and the cabinet with those files of my brains must be locked for the night.
Today we went to Lucy's birthday party and had fun. Cute pictures of Lily getting her face painted to download and post of that. On Thursday Lily got to go on a field trip to Winco (a grocery store) and she thought it was the coolest thing ever. Apparently they got to go into the giant freezer "as big as our garage, and they had something daddy really really likes...ice cream!!!!" . Then she got to meet Jennifer and go to Chuck E Cheese for "real" birthday lunch for Lucy. Needless to say she was exhausted that night.
Yesterday was a little bit of a challenge in the behavior department, but nothing more than a little testing. I was on edge what with firing my employee and all. But I did get to have the cleaning lady come do the bathrooms for once this month. No matter how much I want to save money, if I don't have her come and do bathrooms + dusting, I swear, I would never ever get to it! Ever. Dusting is one thing, but bathrooms are quite another.
A friend just gave me a bunch of info about soy being a natural estrogen something or other and in my initial looking around I found that girl's who drink/eat too much soy start their periods way sooner. Great. Glad we've been going the extra mile with the non hormone organic milk for Lily, and then dumping the soy down Addie's throat. We are going to switch to rice milk for now, but I have a lot of research to do. This is normally the type of thing that I would research long before, but for some reason, in my mind I thought soy was so healthy, just too low in fat. And I've been buying organic at that. I think that it may be fine in moderation, but Addie is drinking too much of it to use it as her sole source of milk. Sigh. I'm glad I found out now, rather than regretting it down the road. These children. So much to worry about. Well, more like so much to improve on. I can only be thankful for good friends that pass on useful information, educate myself bettter, and then do the best I can.
It is so difficult because there are only so many hours in the day and way too many things I want to get done. I wish I was a faster reader.
Okay, it's 10pm. I'm going to bed. I think I will post the pictures of N's bday at least. One thing crossed off the list.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Licking every last drop of frosting off of her cupcake.
The boys looking out the window of the max
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I do have a picture of Lily too - I'll upload that later. Addie made an EWE face at George Dubya so I had to laugh at that picture!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Weight: 20 lbs 4 oz - less than 5%
Height: 31 inches don't have the paper here but percent is 25% (used to be 50%) TBA
Head: 44cms - 5% (used to be 10%) **wait a minute 44 inches is more than 3 feet, hmm, well 44 of whatever the measure, I'll update this when I do the Height**
The nurse said that the head measurement didn't seem right and did it twice, shocked by the smallness. Addie glared at her and did her famous brow furrowing that shows she means business.
She's healthy, she's happy, I'm not worried, the doctor isn't worried. Developmentally she is ahead of the game with motor skills, talking, comprehension. They had a new little survey to fill out, and she was doing almost everything on it a few months ago. Except try to give her reflection in the mirror stuff when she sees it. But I'm going to count that as being ahead of the game...right? The fact that she isn't handing over her stuff to a reflection seems advanced to me!
Her milk allergy is still going strong, but the pediatrician sees no reason to see an allergist until she is 2. She did say that it might not be a bad idea to have an epi pen on hand, just in case. As I shudder at the though of slamming one into Addie's thigh. No thank you. Since she's never had a reaction stronger than vomit and rash, I didn't get it for now. Instead I opted for a flier with calcium rich and fat rich foods that I could try that have no peanuts or dairy. Most of it is already in her diet, but there is a soy butter that is similar to peanut butter that might be good to add fat since she seems to be getting tired of avocados. Could it be that I've served them every day since she was 6 months old to fatten her up? I'm going to blame it on them being out of season.
She's a little guy though. So cute.
She got applesauce in her hair today during lunch, and even though I wiped it down with a wash cloth it was sticking up everywhere. It was so cute. It looked like a lot of curly hair, and I had a glimpse of what she will look like some day when she's less bald.
We opted for no shots today, and that was nice. Addie thanked me and picked a ball out of the "germ" (ahem) goodie basket of toys. She let go of it long enough for me to wash it when we got home, and pretty much held it for the rest of the day. Oh, except for during her awesome THREE HOUR NAP!
It was nice, got the applesauce nice and matted in and she woke up looking like she'd stuck her finger in a light socket on one side. Sorry I didn't get a picture.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
My girls and their books
Cirque againLily was so excited to get her nails painted by her Grandma, toes too!
Addie loved walking on the path at the Tualatin Wildlife Refuge
But Lawrence's neck paid the price for a long ride too!
They play house together so cute now. They were making "nigh nigh". Nice Pillows!
Looking out the window for our neighbors Kitty. "Key-Key".
Me and Addie
Kisses with Grandpa
Bowling fun - Lily had her face painted from the Children's museum that day. Great day for the girls.
Sisters sharing a stool.
The bottom line is I really like this girl. I hired her a year ago, she graduated from U of M like me, she has an 8 year old son, she is smart and sharp, she's kind and has good energy, but she is not doing the job even close to par. Even if you took away all of the mistakes, her work is mediocre at best. And after a year, you can't separate out the mistakes because they almost define her work at this point. At the beginning of this summer, I realized the importance of separating friendship and work, because I actually thought that maybe her work was declining as she saw me as more of a friend. In effort to be a better manager, I stopped cold turkey with the friendship. Niceties in the office, but no more lunches out together, not working out together, less chit chat about life stuff. It went well, though the work stayed less than fine. She did go above and beyond for me when my foot was broken. She is nice, kind, thoughtful, but her work is not where I need it to be after a year, not even close.
Conflict is not my strong suit. My heart was beating out of my chest the entire day on Monday. And during the review there was one point that I felt she and my boss could probably HEAR my heart beating. Many of the issues listed on her year end review have been discussed at length, in hard-on-me conversations and talking-tos throughout the year. Apparently she was shocked, shocked that I listed these same issues on her review. She was floored. She could not believe this is how I saw her work. She said everything written in the review was accurate but that she felt is described her in a bad light (um, true) At the same time she said that she felt our history revolved around me telling her that she isn't doing a good job. We talked in circles, her arguing that "this mistake" only happened once or "that mistake" didn't ever get to the customers. None of that matters and her excuses did nothing to help her case. They did however make me feel very uncomfortable.
And then the bomb dropper, the thing that is just repeating in my head. She said, "Jenny, there is not one good thing listed on here". And she was right. And still the review was right. And that's not right. Right?
The questions were 1. How can this employee improve? 2.Comment on their self review? and 3.Goals for next year. No where to list, how did they meet their expectations... and if she'd gone above and beyond in ANY area, I would have listed it, but she did not. So I did not. I have to stop trying to be nice. People need to carry their own weight. This is business.
I got through it, Addie said I bub boo when I got home, and the stress melted away. I'm not the one whose wrong, I'm not the one who isn't doing their job, but I hate to hurt people's feelings. It makes me really sad.
She's giving me the silent treatment now, and hasn't talked to me in two days...I'll give her to the end of the week to come around, then back to business. I'm taking the morning off tomorrow to go be class mom at preschool and I'm really looking forward to that.
I need to go home and get an I bub boo now...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I've been tagged for this sort of thing for a year, here on the blogosphere, via MySpace or Facebook. I've never taken the time to do it, even though I'm often voted "mostly like to" (do wasteful things on the Internet?) Every time I do some cookey thing that seems completely normal to me, I think, hmmm, that would be on the "list". Also this seemed like a good way to try and break my writer;s block. There aren't many mom things on here, because I guess I feel I've shared all that, and this is supposed to be about me. Lily, Addie, here's why your mama is a nut!
So here are the "rules":
1. List 16 random interesting possibly unknown facts about yourself, with explanation when necessary.
2. Tag 6 friends + me to do the same at the bottom of your blog.
The reason this is called the honest scrap is because apparently what most bloggers do is they only blog the good or normal things about their lives and the odd, hard, or honest "scraps" of their life meet the cutting room floor and not their publics eye. This is interesting to me, because I find the "scraps" is where a lot of the good stuff lies. And it may be hard for me to come up with 16 things that someone doesn't know about me. Oh well, let's get started:
1. I make friends easily. duh. Now I know all of you know this about me. I also keep friends for a very long time, and I'm a pretty good friend to those I'm friends with. I keep in touch, I remember birthdays (mostly though that's fading somewhat), I write long heartfelt emails, I just plain old care about the sh$t that is happening in your life. I get a lot out of this. One of my great friends I met through a Craigslist ad. You know who you are. I've met two other friends through Craigslist ads about buying and selling baby stuff, and one gal from North Carolina before our trip.
2. Whenever I get off the phone or say good by to a loved one I like to finish with "I love you". The reason this is a little odd is because the real reason I do it is morbid. I think you might die before I see or talk to you again next and I want to know that the last words I've said to you were "Love ya". Does anyone else do it for that reason? Oh please please...
3. I like to drink hot coffee out of double stir straws. I also love it when my sweety/grossy coffee is the temperature that won't burn your tongue but still very hot, and I drink it fast and furious.
4. I love the feeling of drying out my ears with Q-tips.
5. My religious and political beliefs are very important to me and are the core of who I am, though I rarely feel the need to convince, share, or preach about them to anybody else. I'm also very open-minded so I can occasionally be swayed by someone whose opinion I respect very much. If you don't agree with me, I may not argue my point much because I don't really care if you agree much, and though it isn't my belief, I usually understand why you feel the way you do.
6. Documenting things in my life is sometimes as essential to me as living it. Sad...really.
7. I am a music idiot beyond measure. I don't know who sings anything, what they look like, the names of any songs. I dread the question, "what kind of music do you like?" because I barely know. I say "everything" and I think that's right, but I'm REALLY dumb when it comes to music. I blame this on the one radio station in my home town and a car radio that didn't work while on vacation. I didn't listen to much of anything until High School, and by then it was already embarrassing how much I didn't know. It never ceases to amaze Lawrence each new hollowness he learns about my music insufficiencies.
8. I'm never ever warm enough. I think heated seats would fix most of the problems in our marriage.
9. I lie about things that don't matter and it's second nature. I'm a very very descriptive liar. I don't ever lie about things that are important.
10. I've always "stalked" boys who've dumped me and their new girlfriends/wives. Facebook and myspace have NOT helped this. I used to have no tools other than drive by slowly or call and hang up, now their world is my oyster. I'm in...Ha! Not that it matters now. I would have had a field day in college. I still like knowing that I'm happier with this life than I ever could have been anywhere else. I'm the one that got away, not the other way around.
11. I'm scared of the dark. Like really scared. I'm a danger to myself and have, on several occasions, started at my own shadow. If I'm home alone, forget it, every light on the house is on and I stay in one room with the phone near by. I'm determined to never let my girls see my fear. I've been this way since the fourth grade.
12. My entire life I've been told I was beautiful, and I didn't ever believe that I was. Then years later I would look at pictures of myself at the time, and think, wow, I was beautiful, I wish I knew that then, and I wish I looked like that now... And I've kept doing that, like I'm 10 years behind seeing what everyone else is seeing. Not that it bothers, me, I guess I just wish we could see our own beauty at the moment, and see ourselves through others' eyes, rather than through our own self-critical goggles.
13. I have no sense of direction. And I do mean NONE.
14. I can't watch people embarrass themselves. In person, on TV, reality shows...all of it, I blush and hide my face.
15. Until I met Lawrence, I honestly thought that growing up without a dad didn't affect me.
16. Most people see me as someone who has much too much on their plate, though I know I'm mildly successful, I usually feel somewhat lazy, and I'm not sure why.
Tag time: 6 + the person who tagged me...(Remember when you do your blog you are supposed to tag me back...and you better do the list!)
Carrie, Jenn, Heather, Robin, Dawn, Sharon, & Luke
Monday, January 19, 2009
I thought she was asleep on my shoulder, and I was putting her to bed, closing my eyes, in the rocking chair, patting her back gently, in the dark and rubbing my cheek on her soft head.
She pulls back and is in a sitting position on her knees. She looks at me with her big big toothy smile and says "Hi" in a whisper.
"Hi" I whisper back.
I whisper, "Are you going to do a good job sleeping tonight?." She nods, still smiling.
I said, "I love you!"
She said, "I bub boo", then she laid back on my chest and went right to sleep.
Ahh...nothing else in the world really matters, does it?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
My in-laws have been visiting from NJ and I have to give a horrific review to an employee tomorrow. Barf. Every time I think of it the butterflies swarm and I start to vomit in my mouth a little. Then I forget, then again it happens when I remember. Fun, like an amusement park ride of dread. Maybe after that is over, and I have some peace (I hope), I'll do something beside avoid writing again.
Long weekend in review:
Tuesday - Lawr's parents got here, I worked late and picked them up
Wednesday & Thursday- Worked in the office, kids were with Gma and Gpa for the day, I promised I'd be home for dinner, but wasn't, did make it home for bedtime both nights.
Friday - Worked from home, kids went to CM2 with Gparents, we all went bowling - I WON with personal best of 140!! - Dinner out at McCormick and Schmidts. Kids were wonderful. Addie doesn't want me out of her sight.
Saturday - Walked the Tualatin Wildlife Reserve with whole gang, scrapbooked with Lily during quiet time, dinner out at Red Robin. DATE NIGHT FOR ME AND LAWRENCE!
Sunday - Brunch out, dinner out, Blokus during naptime - kids really impressing me in the eating out department, since we only do it like once every 2 months or something!
We had a really great week/weekend, but as you can see I'm not even up for putting the events in paragraph form. Maybe tomorrow. If I don't write and only post pictures, well...you'll know the block is still there...
Monday, January 12, 2009
What's your name? Lily
What's your favorite song? Dora Fiesta
What's your favorite movie? Dora saves the Snow Princess
Television Show? Dora
Who's your best friend? Rachel
No Yummy Smell you like? Actually my favorite smell is the smell of biscuits
What's your favorite kind of candy? Candy Canes
Favorite Sound? The sounds when Addie's coos
What's your favorite instrument? The Harmonica
Favorite thing to do at school? Play with my friends. Samantha and Ella and Alison
Favorite Food? Ice Cream
Favorite thing to drink? Milk
What's your favorite thing to do? Play with my sister
Where's your favorite place to go? Safari Sams
What's your favorite Toy? Books.
What's your favorite thing about Addie? She's cute.
Anything else? I want to talk about her eyes like what color are her eyes.
Okay, What color are her eyes? Blue..oh or brown and blue. Blue for my sister, mama.
Anything else about Addie that you want to share? Her rash. Please write Lily doesn't have a rash and Addie does.
How old is Dad? I don't know. 35 is it 35. (Correct)
How old is Mommy? 31 is she 31? 21? (Yes 21, close enough)
Favorite Thing About Addie? When she smiles at me.
I have another thing about Addie. When she doesn't cry.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A haircut lady. A Princess swim teacher. A mommy to Clarabelle. (this is the baby that has been in her belly since I got pregnant with Addie, and Addie was still Nate)
What is your favorite word that Addie says: Gaga. Coco.
What is your favorite word? I love you Addie
What is your favorite time of day? Free play at school or gymnastics
What is your favorite way to have your hair? In braids
What is your favorite Holiday? Christmas
Why? Because I get presents and Santa is out.
Out where? Delivering presents
What other holiday do you like? Halloween and Thanksgiving
Can you ask me what's my favorite month? October. My favorite month is June.
What happens in June? I don't know.
Once you told me about June, you silly daddy.
Whose your favorite character: June, Little Einsteins. Tico and Benny and Dora and Boots and Rocket and June and Annie and Leo and Rocket and Quincy and Rocket. Did I say Rocket?
What's your favorite room in the house? My room, actually and the play room.
This is a settling down talking thing. Are we done yet mama?
Do you want to be done? No, I want to read Alex's
What's your favorite thng about daddy? Cirque du soliel - Oh one thing that I want to be when I grow up is go on stage for Cirque du soliel.
What's your favorite thing about mommy? How bout Because she gives me the breakfastes and because you bake with me. (I do? I better get on that if it's the best thing about me)
What do you do with your kisses when someone kisses you? I wipe them off and they go in my head because I don't want to lose them. They will just float around in my head forever they will. Sometimes when I'm sleeping they will just be still and not floating.
Why do you crack your knuckles? because I like to, well I don't want them to give me an owie but I still want to crack them. (yes, she just started this and it is infuriating to me because I started doing it when I was four!)
What was your favorite trip last year? Going to see Nicholas (family reunion) and going to North Carolina and going skiing with Nathaniel.
What do you like about Uncle Matt? because he does fun things with me.
What about Grandma Lanie? That she doesn't live with a doggie.
Who do you sleep with? Cancer bear (this is a bear that was given to me for being the team leader for a walk in May, it has the pink breast cancer ribbon on it's shirt. I gave it to Lily for being a good girl on a night when I had to work late. I explained what it meant and reminded her of the walk, and now the name has been shortened to only cancer bear)
Anyone else? Big Bear bear, it's Addie's it's Nataline
What's the capital of Oregon? Salem
What's Oregon State animal? I forgot, can you tell me daddy
What States do you know? Oregon, New Jersey, California, North Carolina, Joseph, Montana, I'm kinda tired
(Okay just a few more to show off)
What is the capital of New Jersey? Trenton
What is the NJ state flower? The purple violet
What is the OR state flower? The Oregon grape
I think we'll do this again, it was fun, she liked it too!
So for the first time in more than two months (with the exception of Christmas day) I feel balanced. It's very nice. Time to breath is very underrated! I'm grateful for my stressful, crazy, unbalanced days because on a day like today I can appreciate when it isn't.
I have a few blogs waiting in the wings that I'll probably get to, as well as some last minute cleaning for the parents visiting. (Oh shush, I know you say you don't care, but even when I clean my best it is never as clean as I wish it was and always much much much too much clutter in drawers and closets...now if I could just find the pillowcases for the guest bed...I'm ashamed to admit it, but yes I live in a world where pillowcases get lost from their sheets.) I'm looking forward to going to Lily's gymnastics class tonight, the first since my foot healed, where I get to catch more than the last few minutes. This will be her last session at this gymnastic place because, though she loves it, frankly, it is just too expensive.
In lieu of the computer this weekend, we played Blokus 3D, read books, scrap booked, went out to breakfast, went to the library, went to the Children's museum, mommy-Lily scrapbook time, went for a walk/run, cleaned, vacuumed, laundry, and played like crazy.
Lawrence and I are definitely at a high in our roller coaster life, and I am enjoying that very much. He has been sweet, considerate, and loving. I hope by pointing that out, I'm not saying he isn't always a great husband, but with busy lives, jobs, kids, I'll admit that we aren't always on the same page. Again, I'm appreciative for the times that we aren't on the same page because it is a reminder how good it is when you are. Being in sync with your spouse is highly under rated!
Tanya is 35 weeks pregnant and pretty miserable. We had a productive time on Saturday night scrapbooking, but she wasn't her usual self (not that I expected her to be), she was having contractions the whole time and was feeling exhausted and worn down by days and days of this. I finished Jan-Feb 08 and stayed with my new goal of not being more than a year behind. Lily saw me getting out all the scrapbook stuff and begged to join in. I told her we'd find time on Sunday and we did while Daddy and Addie went to the store.
I did feel bad because this weekend, because, well, I can't do much of anything without finding something or someone I owed more to, and this was no exception. It was my good friend Robin's birthday on Saturday and I got in only a short phone call. I also had a friend of a friend call while I was napping to sign up for Melaleuca, not only did I not take the call, I didn't call her back, or sign her up. I wish I could be more carefree and selfish, but I just can't stop worrying about disappointing other people. Robin - Happy Birthday! I look forward to some time together and am sorry that I wasn't able to make that happen near your real birthday. I guess that's just real life, and I hope the thought really does count, because I thought a lot!
It was very sweet. Lily kept telling me how much fun she was having during our scrap book time. She has her own glue sticks and scissors, and photos (discarded by me), that she cuts and pastes into the most random random things. It's great. It's fun watching her mind work and each time she sees me do something she wants to do it too. While working with her, I got March 08 and part of April 08 done. YAY. I mean, I really suck at this and it could practically be just a photo album. But I enjoy getting rid of the photo clutter and also getting the photos into a book. We had a busy spring last year! I love a month where there are few photos!!! I need to learn that you don't have to put it ALL in. I asked Lily if she wanted the music on but she said no, she was enjoying the peace and quiet. That's a first.
Below are a few pictures of the kids at the Children's museum. Addie had so much fun (Lily too, but she always does), it was the first time for her doing her own thing and I was amazed at how much more Addie can do. I was reminded that we always brought Lily here starting at fourteen months, but as usual, Addie seems so much younger than that, even at 18 months. She was a handful to chase around and Lawrence and I were glad we had a system of you watch one, I'll watch the other, since they are always running in separate directions! Jeremy and Jennifer, Lucy and Bailee joined us over there. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa, this membership is a gift that gives us free family fun time all year long.
Friday, January 9, 2009
This weekend we plan to spend a lot of time together, the four of us, get some exercise and treat out to breakfast tomorrow. I'm going to work on the early months of 2008 in my Scrapbook tomorrow night with Tanya while Lawrence goes bowling in the PM for a friend's birthday. I'm glad to have some homebody time and him have a few hours away.
This weekend will be computer free for us. I'm breaking the rules by writing this, but I didn't want to leave my last entry sounding crazy and stressed.
Addie's diaper rash was much much better today, but last night it was horrible and raw and I was preparing to have to take her to the dr today. She slept through the night without a peep last night, so is obviously not in as much pain. A full night of sleep did us both well today.
A week away from the kids is too much, I could not work out of the house 5 days a week. Next week Lawrence's parents come and it will be so nice to have a catch up and relax week. There are still a lot of loose ends to tie up with the closing but I know I will find it difficult to stay motivated with no pressure and severe burn out. I think I'll get the photos hung up in my new office, do filing, and otherwise busy non brain work. I'll probably be able to leave a little early with my in-laws here, and it is a great week to have company.
Addie all of sudden seems to have more hair. I mean nothing crazy but looking a lot less bald. She has been clinging to me like crazy and because I'm missing her so much, I'm actually slightly enjoying the fact that she wants to be joined at my hip. I plan to fully enjoy it over the weekend and just BE with my family. No worries of laundry or cleaning or grocery shopping or bills. Those can wait until next week after work/bedtime. Lily said something SO SO SO funny last night when I was putting her to bed, we were both laughing our heads off. I came out to tell Lawrence and couldn't for the life of me remember what it was. Since she has my old memory, remembering every word ever spoken, I thought that she might know, but she couldn't remember when I asked her though she did proceed to recap the entire night to me.
And now, I'm off to sleep well (and sleep in if my hubby knows what's good for him, but we'll see). Good night. No computer until Monday...this should be interesting...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I married the right man. He just sent me the below email, and instantly I feel understood and care for, and I know it will all be okay. I have a renewed sense of energy. All from a few kind words. Wow. I think I will take him up on the coffee or three though!
We need to think of a reward for all of our hard work for getting through this week.
No computers for the entire weekend
Just something for the 4 of us.
Stay tough, stay focused, stay awake.
Make sure you have a good lunch today.
Get a good coffee or 3.
Midnight, got home and put groceries away. Kissed the kids good night. Laid out clothes for Lily and I for today. Got Lily's backpack ready for school today with snack. Got the girls milk ready for today (so Lily can run down and get it for them and let me savor 26 more seconds in bed). Decided to get coffee ready for auto pilot and decide in advance that there will be no restriction on number of cups of coffee for today. A very very good decision.
12:30 into bed, so tired but can't sleep with not much unwinding time
1:00am drifting off to sleep, hear Addie crying but don't get up, she quiets down
2:00am she's really crying, I bet she just needs me, I'll go hold her, I miss her and even though i am tired, I didn't get to see her today. I pick her up, she doesn't stop, she acting in pain, but still sort of asleep, maybe it's a nightmare. I go in the playroom and lay on the couch with her. She sleeps but wakes often startled either scared or in pain. I hold her tight. She keeps looking at me, eyes wide open, shaking her head no.
2:45am I lay her back in her crib and keep my hand on her back for a while, she reaches back and feels me there again and again.
3:00am she's back in bed, whimpers a little, I sneak out, she whimpers more and then is quiet, I think, or I passed out
5:00am Lawrence's alarm goes off, he gets in the shower
5:30am Lawrence comes out of the bathroom, Addie starts to cry, he hugs me, I give no response trying desperately to stay asleep. He wants to talk, "sorry that she is awake hon, I hope she'll go back". Ugh, I ignore him, trying desperately to get to sleep. She goes back. God loves me.
I jump up, he forgot to leave carseats for Tamara to pick Lily up from school. I lay down, oh well, he'll have to do it, I can't do everything.
6:30am I just up feeling like its 10am. Nope still a half hour...
7:00am Lily's up and Addie's crying hard. I stumble into her room and when I go to change her diaper it is poopy with a terrible rash. It didn't stink. Due to the severity of the rash, I'm pretty sure that is what the pain was. Shit. I didn't even think of checking that. Ohhh poor girl.
Lily is 100% genuine in feeling bad for her sister and her pain. I am touched. So so touched. Lily keeps calling Addie "Sweet" as though that's her name in the most tender and concerned voice. I'm a touched zombie, we go downstairs for milk. I'm so happy that I have the milk and clothes and coffee all ready. No thinking or work to do. We sit on the couch to read a book. Addie cringes to sit. Poor girl.
Lily wants her hair French braided. It is the last thing that I want to do, but am feeling too guilty to say no to my sweet girl about anything. It takes me 20 minutes to do the 2 braids, which look a little sloppy like she slept on them.
Tamara arrives. Lily and I rush out the door, I give Tamara the orders about how to do the cream and to only use water, no wipes. Addie happily says bu-bye. Tamara's girls are being whiney and drink the last of the milk, I'm annoyed, my girls are happy and I don't want to listen to crying. I also wanted Lily to have the rest of the milk for lunch. Why did I listen to Lawrence when he told me not to get milk yesterday morning?. I drop Lily and her teacher asks me if I can help out in the class on the 22nd, making S'mores. I think I can, but too dazed to know. I'm putting the date to I remember. I get on the bus. I have a lot of reading and list making I want to do but instead I stare and zone and drink my coffe.
Only two more days of this and my financial statements will be done. I hope. One employee review today. The easy one.
I'm missing my kids so much. I can't wait for Saturday. I promised I would be home for bedtime so I have no choice but to get all the work done by 5pm.
Out o gas. And now my day begins...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
But I'm obsessed with balancing our bank account, blogging, reading blogs, and photos, and calendaring, and to do lists, and personal emails, and researching topics, and looking at facebook status updates, and searching for friend who pop in my head and might be on facebook, and finding deals on craigslist and ebay. Aaaaaaaa. You think with all this time-a-wastin' and not being spent on the proper thing, I'd at least be caught up with my bills, calendar, and correspondence, I should also have my photos organized to the T and have people with up to the minute updates of the blog, or at least get to cross of all of my 'to buys' on the to do list. But NO DICE. I'm behind in all of it. I randomly rumble from one thing to the next. Reading a blog about a friend's brother and his addictive story of heroine overdose, to which I am strangely drawn and fascinated with.
I can't relate to a bit of it, which is what usually draws me into reading about someone's life. But no one ever opens up like this and shares so much, I can't stop reading and FEELING his train wreck, and how hopeless it feels for him at times, admiring his writing...storytelling abililty, and relieved knowing that he is now clean and sober for the umteenth time at his dad's house - his place of protection from the outside world. Also based on how hard it is to read for me, imagining how hard this is on him mother (a theme for me), only able to read it because I know he gets out of it alive (or at least out of this chapter anyway).
Anyway, this is how I am spending my time. My precious time away from my family. Is it that I'm so lost for communication and closeness that I must live through the computer? WTF! I'm feeling like a computer addict and wondering if cold turkey may be in order. Obviously I'm unable to limit my time spent for personal use. Is this my addiction? I would have so much time without it. Do I need to be putting strict limits for myself on this. I don't want to work late and work extra days, so I can read about Luke and his drug battles or find out that Lori Braden McNeil wishes she didn't have to shovel again, or see who is selling a bassinet for $30 in Forest Grove. Sheesh. I certainly don't mean to sound like these things aren't okay or interesting in moderation, there is a time and a place, but at the moment, I can't do it all. Why oh why do I want to give every single thing (even unimportant things like saving $5 on some jammies) 150% ...forcing some of that to be in the office, and then missing out on whats more important (the kids, the marriage, the sleep, the job...just to name a few that will keep my sanity).
It's just that the deferred revenue schedule and narly commission difference and mountain of journal entries to review make me want to puke. Reading about how much a (stranger to me) mama loves her baby's soft hand, much more fun. I don't mean to do it but here is how it happens: my email is slow and excel keeps stalling due to the size of my schedule, so while I'm waiting, might as well click on the personal email icon, oh so and so sent me a face book comment, funny, reply, back to personal email, IM from Carrie, hmmm, she's looking for couches, that reminds me I told Lily I'd look for new monkey pjs for her (that fit), click on ebay, wait if they have them on clist it'll be cheaper, hmm...nope...might as well see what baby and kids stuff IS available on Bull Mtn. Wait, why is this excel schedule open, was I working here? Umm yeah, multitasking and I aren't as tight as we used to be. I could say it was pregnancy or mama brain, but I think not sleeping for 2 years probably did it in for me and the old brain cells.
Last night I raced home (on the last bus which was tardy and gave me a heart attack) and we kept Addie up for a few minutes longer so that I could put her to bed, tonight I'm not even going to try. There is just too much work to do. If I can't get home by 7, I might as well stay until midnight. And it all has to be done by Friday night. This Friday night. 2 more days. Two more long, terrible days. If I STOP procrastinating at this moment, I might have a shot in hell of getting it all done. So much for my 3 days I was going to make it to the gym on the 2nd Floor. Oh well, it was probably crowded anyway, and I'm guessing that by next week everyone will peter out on their resolution and there will be machines as far as the eye can see for my and my (ready to be gone) flabdomin. Good news is, I've done well with eating right and taking all my vitamins since Monday. Crap. Was that only two days ago? Ugh. Feels like longer.
I've yet to write my "new year's resolution " blog. Listing the things I want to accomplish this year. But one of the things weighing heavily on my mind is to stop spending time watching TV that I don't enjoy or being on the computer for hours upon end when I don't have a reason to be there. (or even if I think I do). A cap is quite in order. If I continue one thing, I'll continue this. It is theapuetic an stress relieving.
That's that. I could go on and on and on about how annoyed I am at myself or I could post this and close up shop. I think I'll do that...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
As I was washing Lily's hair, we smelled something a little funny. Then we saw it, poop floating. The jets were on, so it was circulating fast. I lifted Lily out of the tub to Lawrence, she started to cry hard because she wasn't ready to get out. Lawrence handed her a soap crayon and put her in the shower. He grabbed Addie out and sat her on the potty (as if she would POSSIBLY have any left), no more. He put her down and let her run to the shower. She left two poopy footprints behind. He got her all wiped up with a towel. This was early in the process and we were already in about 5 towels. We've been needing to weed out some questionably sanitary bath toys, so this was the perfect chance. EVERYTHING goes, every cup, pitcher and boat. We have some boats we bought at the dollar store in 2004 when our niece Jayme was visiting. Gone. I got out and our luxury hot bath turned to rushed luke warm shower quicker than a flash. Well quicker than the time it takes to make a hot pocket in the microwave.
I was just thinking, before Addie relieved herself.
At what age do you have to stop taking family baths and showers. I assume the girls have to stop showering with Lawr before me, but it certainly makes things so much more convenient with an 'everybody in' policy.
Sigh. I'm not a big bath fan, so this didn't help. This might be my last family bath.
Lawrence kept telling Lily that the toothbrush left behind from Addie's head was her new one from Santa and she'd either have to use that one or get a cavity. It was, at the moment, so funny. Since she didn't cry, she laughed too, but I realize it could border on child abuse...
So could a lot of things...
I mean it, when was the last time you wrangled an 18 month out of a dirty diaper or into jammies? Sometimes it requires some serious brute force and hard pinning of limbs.
Lawr cleaned the tub, but now we need to run the jets with disinfectant in the tub to make sure nothing got sucked up. Oh gross.
Friday, January 2, 2009
I'm supposed to be off formula by now. But we have a half a can and a girl who goes down at night beautifully with the bottle, so letting her nurse a bottle a half a year more than her sister doesn't really bother me much. Not to mention that she is so sweet and cuddly with her bottle and I just LOVE holding her while she drinks it and gazes into my eyes. Seriously, I LOVE this little girl.
I have a whole LIST of Addie's words and here they are:
Fuwar - Flower
mitamn - Vitamins
Weeee (going down the stairs or on the sled, sometimes in the car)
Guma - Grandma
Melmo - Elmo (she also thinks Clifford is Melmo)
Maw - Milk (vanilla soy of course)
Pot - Spot (as in that is my spot)
Opa - Potty
Ah don - All done
Cu - Cup
Wawa - Water
Eeee - Eat (pointing into her mouth running to the table)
Aaaaa - Snack (pointing into her mouth)
Gogur - Yogurt (Soy of course)
Coco - Cocoa (Warm Chocolate Soy Milk)
Coco - Popcorn (her favorite is Caramel or Kettle)
Vroom (sound she makes when pushing a bus or car or vacuum)
Tee - Teeth
Nose (puts finger up it, or any food she may be holding)
Paee - Paint
Apa - Apple
(Those all sound like 'Ah')
Liza - Aliza
Amra - Tamera
Benamin - Benjamin
Lee - Lily
Papa - Grandpa
Unco Maa - Uncle Matt
Baaa (sound a sheep makes)
woo woo (sound a dog makes)
Side - Outside
Caa - Car
Peeee - Please (she signs it at the same time and answers it if you say, 'what do you say?')
Che Chu - Thank you
Bear Bear (her favorite sleepy guy)
Pe-eee - Pretty (usually said while rubbing belly, hair, or face
Mon - Monkey
Bah - Ball
Coe - Coat
Saaah - Sock
I know there are many more, but this is what I can think of. Wow, there are a lot. She's repeating more stuff every day.
Addie continues to be a true joy for our family. She is smiley and sweet. As she gets older, she definitely has her own very strong opinions about what she wants and when she wants it, but she is much less strong willed than her sister and we can generally make her happy very easily. She loves her vitamins, brushing her teeth, getting her coat on, and going bye bye. She loves to hold her vitamin and suck on it slowly making a sticky mess. I usually let her because, well, she's just so darn cute with each and every move that she makes.
Her favorite thing to play is with the kitchen and the red car. She loves her new baby and anything of her sister's. She loves Little People and looking out the window. She still puts a lot of things in her mouth. She puts stuff in her nose and ears constantly and has even sneezed out a full spaghetti noodle. Still allergic to milk, but she loves soy vanilla milk. Both girls drink it like it is their last breath. Addie will put down a cup of milk, unfinished (unlike Lily) and loves to carry it around all day if aloud, she tucks it into her sweet little nook like a football. She loves getting ready to go outside, putting on her jacket and hat and waiting on the stairs, and still loves shoes. We can usually get her to not wear shoes a portion of the day, but she'd prefer to sleep with them if she could (and occasionally she has snuck to bed with the Robeez on). She still sleeps in the sleep sack with the white noise (now only at half volume) with her bear bear. Lights off, door closed. She takes one nap from noon - 2 and then bed from 7-7. Once every week or once every two weeks, she'll have a bad night and wake up several times. There is no rhyme or reason to it, and she doesn't do it 2 nights in a row. While we feel tired the next day, it is always manageable because it is never more than one night in a row...and she always makes it up with a great nap.
To celebrate Addie turning 1.5 Lawrence took the girls to Safari Sams with Josh and Rachel while I worked from home. Rachel and Josh came over for a while after for lunch and football. To honor Lawrence's hideous mustache for a day (that was thankfully shaved off, along with the rest of his scuzzy fuzzy face) the girls got paste on mustaches as their prize for 60 tickets at Safari Sams. Lily wore hers for most of the day. Then for dinner we went to have our pizza movie night at the Kolmer's (who's little boy, Ian, has his bday one day after Addie's). We had a very fun time hanging out with them and letting the kids stay up ridiculously late. Addie went to bed there around 8, then we all went home at 10:30.
Addie is still a petite little thing but tall, so has her carseat turned around. Well...tall? She was 31 inches at 15 months and was in the 50%, but compared to her 5% weight, it seems tall. She's wearing mostly 12-18 month clothes, which are loose, and still fitting into some 12 mth stuff, that is getting a little too short, shirts & pants. She doesn't mind because she loves her belly, and if it sticks out...BONUS! Though you wouldn't know it, she is getting a touch more hair. She loves to have me "fix" it like I do for her sis. If you were wondering how many times she poops per day, the answer is 2. Not as solid as I would like.
She says "cooollll" when she gets out of the bath or when we are outside now. She tucks her two arms underneath her chest and leans into me. It's so sweet. Sometimes she mixes up HOT with COLD and says "coooolllll" when the shower is too hot, or something like that.
As I've said all along, Addie seems so much younger than Lily at this age, but she is really developing and at times it is hard to believe how big she is when I still see her as my little baby. When Lily was 18 months is when we started thinking about having baby number 2. Now, while both of us do feel like there is room for our family for another girl (ha, well we always said the only way we'd try for another is if we planned on a girl...not wanting to have a baby to have a baby of a certain sex), we aren't sure where there is room in our lives. We feel pretty stretched to the limit as far as time and money. But our hearts still feel like we aren't done. Only time will tell what God has in store for us. So far He has shown us unmerited favor. The proof is our loving marriage and in Lily and Addie's smiles every day.
This is a video off the girls dancing in the car. Addie LOVES to dance, and was making us all laugh so hard.