There is a feeling that I always get when I hear about a first time mom who just had their baby. When I hear them complain about their pregnancy, when they have no one to nurture but themselves. When I see them reading books on their pregnancy week by week and not books about newborns and sleep. When they buy only new, never used, anything. It’s like an all knowing feeling, a good luck feeling, an oh my heart aches for the wonderfulness feeling, a never say never feeling, and a you have no idea what you’ll be like feeling. I see myself almost 5 years ago. I imagine what others thought of me when they saw me struggling as a new mom. Or worse, what they thought when I preached my know it all ways as a pregnant gal. You know the one that says, I’m not gonna let my kid walk around with a sticky face throwing a fit in Target. Or that the baby will fit into our lives and not the other way around!
Ha (for us anyway)
When you hear about the new arrival, you know that you can’t expect any functionability from the new mom (unless you are crazy and super human like my sis in law who goes to the mall on the way home from the hospital, and that's when she not HOSTING Thanksgiving once she gets there!) for at least a week, and a week would be if things are easy. Then when you do get the email that says “Things are going great, baby is pretty easy”. My cynical self says, “yeah now, they sleep 24/7 the first two weeks…just wait for it…”
Am I rooting against new moms? No, of course not. Do I find validation within myself when I hear it is hard for other capable, competent, and educated ladies? YES YES YES. Is that wrong? Maybe, but I'm not sorry about it.
Mostly I just look back and long to enjoy those first few weeks, months, years with Lily. Really LOVE them, the way I did with Addie. I look back at my first time mom self and want to impart all the knowledge on her, or kick her pregnant self in the teeth and ask her to listen to the other moms…they do in fact know what they are talking about. Oh well. The truth of the matter is that I did love being a mom to newborn Lily. I didn’t know there was more, so I didn’t miss it. I knew it was hard and I was tired, but I was trying hard and doing my best. In some ways I think that Lawrence and I were better back then because we were trying SO hard all the time. These days things slide a little, but I like to believe WE PAID OUR DUES.
Now we have to children who are extremely well behaved and good natured. They are sweet and loving and kind. We are a little scarred bedtime and sleep-wise, and of course I’m constantly worried about them for one reason or another, but what good kids we are raising so far.
Though moms of teenagers look at us and shake their heads thinking, this is the easy part, those kids have no idea what they are in for…
This. Is the easy part.