Love / Hate with the pump

I don't have this nostalgic feeling about breastfeeding. Maybe it is because of the rocky start I had with Lily and her painful latch, maybe it is because of all the pumping and washing and sterilizing once I return to work, maybe it is because I do not enjoy, nor am I good at feeding my baby out of the house on my breast discreetly, because I have an insane amount of spraying milk.

So needless I say, breastfeeding wasn't one of the things I was looking forward to about having another baby.

Don't get my wrong, I have had my fair share of wonderful, peaceful, bonding moments with my babies while nursing them. I GET why some of you love this part of motherhood. It's just not my favorite part, and by the time I get to the stage that nursing gets easy, I have to introduce the pump and things aren't easier again.

So I have a love/hate relationship with the pump. It has allowed me to exclusively nurse my two girls for a total of 17 months before supplementing with formula, and keeping them on breast milk for a year each. This time I was hoping I would not start that relationship quite yet.

But it arrived today. My breasts are the size of a pornstar...bigger even, and Bryson can't get a good latch to save his life. I'm in so much pain while he is eating and last night he wasn't even able to get a full feed, simply because he could not get his mouth around my gynomous jugs. So he was up eating every hour and today my nipples are left sore and cracked and bleeding. Awesome visuals I'm giving I know. Bleeding pornstar boobs. Nice.

I came up with a game plan today to give myself a break, and it required breaking out the pump a few weeks (months?) earlier than I'd planned. So he's eaten 3 - 3oz bottles, going 3 hrs between feedings and it reminds me why new moms give up on nursing so easily. When in this much pain, this is SO much easier. Even to pump the milk for each feeding, practically painlessly. Of course, I believe wholeheartly in breastfeeding for my children. It's very important to me to do this for a year and I believe that for them this is the best I can give them. So I won't quit, I won't give up, I'll even try not to feel guilty about pumping and bottling feeling so good and for not enjoying breastfeeding as much as I think I should. I know it will get easier, it's just hard to see that right now in pain. Anytime we are in pain, emotionally or physically, it's hard to remember what it feels like to not be in pain and that you will feel that way again, soon, even.

For tonight I'm not looking forward to going back to "regular feedings" but I know that in a few days, my boobs will just be normal huge not THIS huge and I won't have swelling up to my collar bone.

So, thank you Medela Pump In Style, Backpack On the Go Version. I do love you, especially today when you gave me a break, without compromising the feeding for my baby. But in a few months when I am lugging you back and forth to the office and steriizing you day in and day out, don't take it personally if I also hate you!

****
Bryson Update from the dr appt Friday
Wt: 7 lbs 11 oz (up from hospital discharge low two days ago of 7 lbs 6 oz)
Penis: Not too small (at least she doesn't think so), making an appt with the other pediatrician to do a circumcision, hopefully next week - The lactation consultant said that the penis wasn't small just the foreskin. :) Bryson AND dad liked her a lot.
Scrotum: Some extra fluid in it that will likely be absorbed but she will be watching it.
She gave me some cream to put on his chaffed chin from sucking, rooting, and sucking so hard on his pacifier.
Overall very pleased with his growth
He screamed and cried the entire time, did not like being naked, or poked, and wanted to eat.

To say, I love you

My full arms and full heart

Today as I took a shower (yes on only my second day home from the hospital, not bad, eh? bonus, I got my teeth brushed before 10am too) and this song, which I haven't heard in over a year came into my head. As I wiped the glass of the shower one more time to see if Bryson was still breathing and not choking on spit up in his bassinet right next to the shower door for the umteenth time.



It isn't always the case, but right now it's easy to see and hear how He says, "I love you", to me.

The Lily Tap Show

Since this blog isn't called the Bryson show, I thought I would update some other things happening. Short and sweet, you know that is my specialty. As I mentioned on Tuesday Lily had her last tap class. I didn't get to go as I had promised I would. I could post 10 videos of this day, they are all so cute. Tap is really a good class for Lily and she is super sad that it is over. The first one is her doing the Robot. SO HILARIOUS.

The second one is part of a dance routine to "Ain't never had a friend like me" from Aladdin, they've been working on each class since the beginning. Lily is such a tap dancer! :)

My big girl seems even bigger and my baby girl seems like a big girl now too, what a difference a few days make. At the end of class Addie went out and did tap with Lily too. She is always doing ballet and tap around the house and hopefully we can get her into a class sometime soon.

They really are the sweetest sisters!



She is the one in all pink with black shoes 3rd one from the left.

My Three Baby Herman Tongues

Day 2 highlights:

I got some sleep last night between 3-6am and felt pretty good today
Bryson doesn't need to meet with the urologist, but will schedule his circumcision for later in the month once things, uh, grow
We got discharged from the hospital at 11am and I survived getting through it alone. Lawrence came from work and we went straight to my amazing lactation consultant.
Laurie could not believe I had three kids but was happy to help Bryson and me perfect his latch and make things a little less painful for me. (Except for the postpartum contractions...OUCH!)
She said he will be a great nurser, my milk is not in but he got a half oz of colostrum while we were there and she said that was a lot.
We got home and Bryson got to meet his Uncle Matt (my bro). Lily was at school and Addie was napping, so I went directly for a nap and B slept in his carseat next to the bed for 1.5hrs!
Then B and I went down to meet the sisters.
They were SO SO SO excited. It was great. Addie lost interest quickly after saying some cute things that I can't remember. She did give Bryson her "bear bear" the ultimate sign of love in Addie.
Sabine got some pictures of the homecoming and the girls meeting him, but she is out on some MUCH DESERVED time off this evening, so I'll do another homecoming post later.
Bryson is getting very hungry and I expect my milk will come in tonight, so that is good.
He nursed (and I survived with the girls practically on top of us seeing what was going on). Lily kept saying, "there ya go buddy, that's whatcha wanted" and things like that which would have been so cute if I wasn't contracting with a hungry barracuda on my sore nipples at the moment.
At dinner Bryson slept swaddled in the swing with it off (which drives the girls crazy, they want full music and motion if the swing is to be in use).
A few more bedtime cuddles from his sisters, and Bryson and I ate again, a little easier this time.

Right now he sleeps on his daddy, swaddled and cute as a button. Daddy is afraid to move like he is with all his newborns...they look so sweet!

I'm going to feed him around 10:30 and then head to bed. Wish us luck on our first night home.

Many of you keep commenting that you can't believe I am keeping up with this site. Well, for all of you that email me, and facebook me, and blog comment me, and text me, you will notice that I am not replying. This is my way to let you ALL know how it is going, as well as my way to keep up to date a little bit for myself. I appreciate all of your kind words and your happiness for our family. I would love to take the time to get back to you all, and since I can't...I feel better doing an update, because that is what I would really love to do. Anyway, I'm doing it for me and because I really want to keep our families updated. Plus...how could I not want to share all of this wonderful happening to me.

Here are some sibling pictures. I've been waiting so long for these!

They were all three showing their tongues!
Happy to meet lil bro!

Welcome Home Bryson poster that Lily made him
The happiest big sister in the world!

Discharge weight

7lbs 6.3oz 9:45am

Weighing in on day 1

Today, Bryson met Sabine. She fell in love.

He did not get circumcised today because his penis is too small. hehe. We just have to wait a few days and a urologist will do it! Lawr was THRILLED by this news, the too smallness that is, and made me promise I wouldn't blog about it. heh.

While skyping with the girls, and skype totally sucked today, Lily said, "I love that kid". about Bryson, it was so sweet.

Addie is out of sorts, she was very snugly with Sabine. She keeps saying, "my want Bryson home now". Lily had her last tap class and did grrrreat at the performance for parents. I was sad to have missed it. When she signed up in Sept, Dec 15 sounded like light years away, and now it's today.

B was much more settled today than last night. I had a bout with naseau this morning, I think it was from taking IBprophen on an empty stomach + exhaustion.

B can hear out of both ears!

We'll be getting out of the hospital tomorrow. I'm thankful for the wireless internet here. Lawr took today off work, but stayed last night with the girls and in our comfy bed. I had a tired, restless night with Bryson, but it was good.

Today, he was 7lb 10oz @ 5:15pm when they did a weight check.

Bryson Nathaniel Herman is here

He was born at 6:35 pm on 12/14/09
He is perfect and big at 7lbs 15oz, 19 inches long with a head 13.75 inches.
10 days EARLY!

First CRY!

He hasn't stopped sucking since birth, and is nursing strong.

I'm in love again, but still in disbelief that he is here and I'm a mother of three.

I came to the hospital because my doctor was on call and rather than see a partner of hers, she wanted me to come to the hospital so she could check me out after a weekend of strong contractions. I knew I wasn't in active labor, but decided to still bring my bag, etc, assuming I'd be sent home.

She checked me out and I was at 4 cm and 90%, and she said no way was she sending me home. This is my third baby. That was about 11:30am.

Around 1:30pm my doctor broke my water, and contractions were about 2 minutes apart. I called for the epidural, glad that I didn't need any thing to get my labor going except a small hole in my amniotic sac.

The first attempt at the epidural did not go well. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but he got the epidural in the wrong spot, and my heart rate went very high, I was dizzy and my lips her tingling and I did not feel okay. He had to take out the epidural and redo it. The whole thing was very scary for me, because I really felt like I wasn't going to be okay for a few minutes. Then I cried and cried, even after the epidural was over and all was fine with me and Bryson. I felt wiped out and tired after that, also very shaky. But Robin and Lawrence and I changed the subject and all talked about something else for a while and I relaxed. Lawrence was visibly scared but he did great supporting me.

After 2 perfect, dream epidurals it certainly was less than ideal but it wasn't the end of the world. It took my focus off of labor and my contractions slowed down, so the doc decided to give me a tad of petocin. That seems to work well and I was ready to push around 6. I started pushing at 6:16 and he was born at 6:35.

He didn't cry at first and was pretty purple but then he started to cry and was okay.

Right now, he is laying next to me, pretty unsettled. He is crying a lot when not nursing and just overall not thrilled about being in the world yet. But I'm loving snuggling him and the confidence and ease I have with him. I'm also on a bit of an adrenaline high, but I'm not very tired. I'm physically shaky and exhausted, but not sleepy. Esp since the nurse has to come check my temp in about 45 minutes.

I was able to pee so no catheter this time (I had to have one over night due to a bruised bladder the previous two pregnancies), I was pretty nervous about that, so very relieved.

We got to skype with the girls for a few minutes before bed, and with Lawr's parents. Technology is amazing.

Here are some totally out of order pics...Dr Simpson arriving...she left for an errand 15 minutes before I was complete, planning to come back after a meeting, and will be so disappointed not to have delivered him.

My friend and Doula, Robin Rose - THANK YOU!


tired and proud daddy

Long toes!

First cuddle!
Can you see the happiness in my face?

the part of our family of 5 allowed at the hospital!
The on call dr who delivered

Posing for my last belly shot! :)

Here was the time line notes from Robin:
10:45a triage
11:30a admitted
1:25p small hole in water
3p contractions picked up
3:30 epidural
4pm -5 cm
4:55 - 6 cm
5pm - start petocin
6:05-complete
6:16-push
6:35 - born!

So far here is what I know about Bryson:
He wants to suck nonstop
He is non discriminatory between a breast, a finger, a pacifier, his hand, his blanket...he'll suck it all
He likes his hands to touch his face at all times
He is very restless (this happens to be great for me and my worrying about him breathing and being safe)
He isn't bothered by being unswaddled and cool like his sisters
His legs look chubby compared to Addie's tiny legs (6lbs2oz)
His hands and feet are BIG
His testicles also are huge
He does not really look like his sisters
He doesn't have much hair, just a lot of fuzz
He has under his nose either a reddish birthmark or a bruise/stork bite that will go away
He hasn't opened his eyes barely at all
He is loved, Loved, LOVED

That's all for now friends. I'm going to get my temp taken and sleep. Thank you so much for your prayers, love, support. Thank you God for giving me another perfect child. I do not deserve this gift and I will do my best to show Your love to him, to them all. A few posts ago, I asked "what is blessed?".

This.

Is blessed.

Bryson Nathaniel (12 photos), by JENNY HERMAN

Few more photos
Click here to view photos

Today is the day

I'm at the hospital. My water is broken. Today is the day Bryson is coming.

I just had to call my office and get help setting up wireless internet at the hospital.

That was nice. We skyped to make sure we could skype with the kids. Thankfully Sean (my work IT guy) could help me, I told him I wasn't hooking up video, but Lawrence told him that I looked beautiful. I love Lawrence. He was so cute writing "Bryson Nathaniel 12/14/09" on the white board in his terrible handwriting. Cutely erasing every "mistake".

Okay, contractions are getting strong and I need to go. No epidural yet, they said it would take about 20 minutes after I asked to get that.

Pray for Bryson's safe delivery and my strength. His heartbeat is strong and he is very active. Lawrence and Robin Rose are both here and ready to give me support.

Don't mind if I do...

So... I think I'm gonna win a new computer, thanks to MckMama! :) Don't mind if I do...here is the link...

Here

And to those of you on the edge of your seats, saying Jenny, you can't post a blog about a computer giveaway and then no pregnancy update. But there is no pregnancy update. Contracting, uncomfortable, and that's about it. Kick kick kick, his limbs coming out of my body while my skin stretches to the max trying to contain it all.

I did a lot of plate unloading at work today which felt good. This may be my last week going into the office, might try to work from home until the big day comes. I haven't told anyone that yet, but that is my plan. We'll see. Employee reviews done. CHECK. Why does it always make me feel so nervous? Like I'm the one getting the review!

Addie was up every half an hour last night and I felt like I wanted to die this morning. SO. TIRED. There wasn't enough coffee in the world, and believe me, I know, I tried. Yep. Hey, I have a fully cooked baby in there, don't judge me!

You know, 5 minutes before the baby arrives does not seem like the right time to have Addie start sleeping in our bed for the first time in her 2.5 year old life. Or waking every 30. She cried and cried from dinner time on. I have no idea what is up, she's usually so good at saying why she is upset, but she was acting like her feelings were hurt. In the middle of the night. Did I mention every 30 minutes?

It was freezing in their room, I wonder if that's it. Space heater tonight.

I felt kinda mad at her this morning because I was so tired. Then I felt guilty about feeling mad. Then she said, "Mama pweeese no you go to woe-rk". Then I felt guilty about that too. If I could make a living feeling guilty...

Wait. Is that a country song?

Then I cuddled her and let her day old pony tail with no holder tickle my nose and wished we could hug and take a nap together, and then I strapped her into her freezing car seat so they could take me to my coworkers house for a ride downtown.

Brrrrr it's cold here. COLD for Portland, no snow, rain starts on Sat when it warms up. I kind of wish for snow. But then I wouldn't be as successful at the plate unloading, so maybe this is good. Hopefully only a few more days, and hopefully a full night of sleep tonight.

And HOPEFULLY I win this computer!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Which is really what I showed up here for in the first place! Three entries. YAY!

When it rains it pours

So many times I wonder how much more we can take. Not we the Herman's but "we" as people I know or sort of know or pass on the street or ride next to on the max. Bad things are continually happening to people. And it's hard to see or care other people's struggles as we look so closely at our own.

But not for me.

I feel and worry and obsess about the pain of other people. I mean I really FEEL other people's pain. I wonder how I can manage to complain about my own difficulties in my wonderful life while others are suffering losses and pain that I pray I will never know.

As you know - the blog world has led me to Heather, and Sally, and Anissa, and Jennifer. I've also found a new friend in Margaret. There is something about reading about the raw emotion and pain each of these people are going through that almost brings me to my knees with sorrow, but also with gratefulness. A busy working mom shouldn't have time to think about these things, especially when I have so many friends in real life who rely on me. But I do. And I don't know how to change that about myself, and I guess I don't really want to either. Of course I read funny blogs too, like Lindsey and Kristin and Mommy Spills. Not every day. Not every week. But I find a connection with moms with lives outside of my own. There is a connection of strangers who relate to each other and who are open to share their lives...

One of my new blog friends lost her newborn son last year - and she is raising her two daughters - and working through a marriage - all while figuring out a life of constant grief. I could see a change in her voice as she started to be open to the possibly of joy for this holiday season, after suffering swine flu while mourning the one year anniversary of her son's passing. She made a decision that she was ready to stop feeling so bad and find a way to feel better. At least some days. And then her husband lost his job. And not just her husband. Her father and brother in law and their good friend. All lost their jobs as of Dec 15, a large part of their support circle. I'm crushed for her. Not because I know how hard it is when a husband loses a job emotionally and not because they have to worry about keeping a roof over their head instead of what gifts to spoil their girls with. But because WHY HER? WHY NOW? She was JUST getting back on the road to positive mental thinking. And I'm worried about her spirit being crushed. I'd like to think that this is nothing compared to what she has already endured but at the same time, I wonder if she just wants to curl up in a ball and give up. I don't know her, but I don't think she'll do that. After all, she's got two beautiful girls to get up for each morning. She's got a son in heaven who needs her to put one foot in front of the other each day. I just wish, with my whole heart that she didn't have to worry about her husband's (and FIL and BIL's) job right now. She writes her story because "every life leaves something beautiful behind", and she does a really good job of honoring her baby boy while working through how to outlive your child.

And I think, we only had to worry about one lost job and an unemployment hearing, and it was only 2.5 months, and we are SO so so lucky. We made it through this "disaster" and it while it was inconvenient and stressful, it was also just that. It did not happen while I was trying to keep my heart in my chest. We kept our spirits up and it was the only thing on our plate that was a loss.

I think about how Nancy endured Ryan's injury in Iraq, just 4 years ago. How she held on tight to hope, never gave up, wrote his story beautifully, and now has an amazing life she could have never imagined. How her friend Dena's nightmare started a year ago, losing her husband Rob to the war, an incredible man, and how she is doing her best, making the best of it - because that's what you do when you have 2 little girls depending on you. Her faith is inspiring to me.

These women, wives, mothers, daughters, have captured my heart. I have never met them, but I care about them. I'm not sure what purpose it plays in my life. I'm not sure how I am put here to help or encourage any of them. But I am sure that I'm not wasting my time or my heart, caring about them and praying for them.

I've told you how my good friend Robin lost her brother almost two years ago. And how I've mourned with this beautiful family as they struggled. Now Bronson is being honored in the Rose parade this year, the two year anniversary of his death, because his lost life gave life to 6 strangers. ~I also have to mention my friend Kim, whose baby Julia is the light of their life. Their plans were changed forever when they found out at 20 weeks about her heart condition, plus many other complications. But here she is 6 months old, and they got to see a smile. Kim's positive attitude and faith also amazes and encourages me. Last year at this time, Kim and I sat at a baby shower brunch as she told me her biggest worry about life with 3 kids was how she could continue her morning run with all three of them. How life has changed, and what a blessing Julia is, as she is, as long as they get to keep her.

God gave me a very big heart. And He gave me a very blessed life. And He blessed their lives too, even in their tragedies, He gave them a story to tell, a legacy to carry on, a too-short-life's memory to honor. So each day they wake up and they carry on, one foot in front of the other, until they remember their blessings and they get a little skip back in their step.

For whatever reason, every step of their journey is beautiful to me, and I am blessed through their struggles. I wish that these were not the circumstances for them, but they are, and through the world of blogging, they are touching lives. Ones who can relate so closely and so dearly, and ones who can't. People like me who are more grateful every day, thanks to them.

What is blessed? It's the ability to count your blessing. It's being able to look at the good in your life even during the hard times. It's remembering the goodness that surrounds each of us.

Thank you ladies for being amazing and beautiful and inspiring. My life is forever changed because of the things you have endured. Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

Progress

Today I had an ultrasound. It was awesome, amidst an otherwise crappy day of worrying about sick kiddos, riding the max and bus and walking 2 miles in the freezing cold. It was 27 here feeling like 13 with the wind blowing so hard. The sun was shining though!

It was so wonderful to see little Bryson sucking on his hands and to see that he is in fact a BOY!

The ultrasound estimates him at 7lbs 7oz give or take a pound. So if he were one pound less he would still be almost as big as Lily. For those of you who noticed how high I'm carrying, I know! I carry really high. It doesn't FEEL high, but when I look at a picture, I think about how high he looks. The girls both looked that way all the way until the end. Maybe because I have a tilted uterus. Who knows.

I'm 3cm dilated and 80% effaced and she thinks she'll see me this weekend. I'm not getting my hopes up, and still have lots to do...but of I won't be disappointed if he comes early, OF COURSE. I'm getting tired of holding him inside of my belly. I'm ready to hold him in my arms!

Thanks for all the love you are sending. I need it!

Ears and Migrains and Coughing, oh my

For the past several nights, Addie has been up many times each night. Monday and Tuesday I worked WAY too late, trying to finish deadlines that have passed, Addie stayed in bed. Wednesday and Thursday I didn't put her to bed due to "me time" outside of the house...and those nights, she'd come into my bed 3 times or so, then finally stay in her own around 3am. I felt guilty about not putting her to bed and for taking some time to myself (because that's what working moms do, or at least this one) so I snuggled with her for a while before sending her back to her own room. My kids aren't good sleepers in our bed, so we've never really let this become a habit, since it doesn't help anyone get more rest.

Thursday she developed a bad cough and I was up the whole night with her, I slept 3-6am. I was really dragging and had decided to take a nap during my "lunch hour" working from home. But my great napper didn't nap either, she was coughing and not feeling good, so I laid her in my bed while I laid down, but I'm not very comfortable right now, so having to lay absolutely still to help her sleep, isn't a great way for me to get rest. By the time Lawrence got home on Friday, I went to bed at 5:30 and skipped dinner. Guiltily, I got up at 7 for bed time. Lawr got up with her that night and let me sleep in until 9. Yesterday, I was a new woman!

Last (Saturday) night we stayed up late talking and hanging out and Addie was up every 30 minutes the whole night. Lawr got up until about 2am and then she said her ear hurt and I started going to her, until 4ish when she finally slept on Lawrence restlessly until 6.

She slept with us a bunch of the night, and today called the weekend hrs office of the ped to get her in at once. I can't believe it didn't occur to me that she had an ear infection, she's had a fever and a cold/cough for 4 days! What am I new at this? With Lily that was my first assumption, but Addie has only had a few ear infections, and with the fever/cough, I feared swine flu and ear infection never even crossed my mind. Even when we went out for a walk in the neighborhood last night to look at lights, and I told them not to take their hats off or they could get an ear infection (lie lie). Didn't occur to me that Addie already had one.

This morning Lily and I went to church and Lawr and Addie went to the ped and to pick up her new toddler bed from my friend Sharon. Addie napped about 4 hrs today total.

As soon as I got her down for her nap I felt a migraine coming on. First one in six years. Six years to the DAY actually. I remember, because it is my friend Dawn's 6 year wedding anniversary! Migraines and me are a whole other story, but I used to get them a lot and they are bad and I'm not functional for a few days.

Anyway, just like a miracle 6 years ago, this one went away before it got unbearable. I laid down and took Tylenol immediately. I had plans, big plans for the day, but my migraine didn't care about my wanting to nest or finish a work project.

I had a whole blog written in my mind about today's message at church. It was about Mary, and about God changing our plans, about how we just have to go with it, and it was a good one. God sure changed Mary's plans alright. So I had to laugh, a little, about the migraine (God) changing my plans - including not being able to write that blog, haha. I wonder if He thought THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO LAY DOWN IN THE PITCH BLACK AND REST, then SO BE IT! Hopefully I'll get to the blog one day.

Then when I woke up from my 3 hr nap, we went to Ceramic Cafe and made some holiday gifts. And Sabine came home from the beach after having a BLAST with 5 other au pair friends. We are always so happy when she has a good time.

Happy Anniversary, Dawn and Lucas.
Thank you, Nancy, for the new blog header.
Sharon, thank you so much for giving us the toddler bed you no longer needed, it looks AWESOME in their room, and saved us big time. What a beautiful little big girl (boy) bed! :) Crib is now up in Bryson's room and the nursery looks like a nursery again!

I got HOLIDAY CARDS MAILED!!!!! On Dec 5!!! They won't go out til tomorrow, because it was after 3pm, but still! :) Lily labeled and addressed them ALL, she's a massive helper during "quiet time"!

Oh, I have some good blogs brewing...but for now I had to write about the woes of little sleep and sick kids. Lily sounded croupey tonight before bedtime, Addie is on antibiotics and Tylenol, and my head hurts a little but I didn't throw up.

Wishing for more than 30 minutes of consecutive sleep tonight...sweet dreams...

(PS this was going to be a one paragraph blog...short and sweet + Jenny = nonexistent!)

Huge

I'm 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant and I tend to get 2 responses from people who see me.

"YOU ARE HUGE!!!" or "Wow, you aren't even that big..."

Really? tell my stretch marks that!

So, which is it?
Personally, I vote for huge, but who am I to say, you see, I have a view from up here.

I only feel like I am about to burst. Burst I tell you.

Christmas Tree for this Christmas

On Saturday we got out Christmas tree. Like for this Christmas. You know the Christmas Eve that we will be having a baby. Time is such a bizarre thing right now. It feels like it is racing along and standing still all at once. 23 days seems like an unbearable amount of time to be pregnant, but at the same time we are already getting our tree for the "Christmas Eve when Bryson is due".

I've never been one to get stuff done the weekend after Thanksgiving for Christmas. I'm not much of a Black Friday-er, though I like to go to Michael's or the local scrapbooking store and take advantage of a few coupons. I don't shop or decorate in advance, though this year we've already got our tree and seen Santa, and I have most of the gifts for the kids and it is only Dec 1.

Work has really been kicking my butt. My deadlines for Nov 30 went only 1/3 successful even though I stayed up until nearly 2am trying to finish everything. My boss didn't say if it was okay one way or the other, but it has to be. It's not done yet. I can only do what I can do and my bandwidth on my brain isn't all there. I just took a half hour nap and now am revving up my mind for another go round with the excel schedule that I actually dreamed about last night! Yikes!

Here is a family shot with the tree we chose

Me and Sabine next to our tree. Notice the maternity vest no longer covering the enormous belly. I don't love this picture of my belly sticking out and swollen face, but it's part of who I am right now and it feels dishonest not to post! :) The doctor even commented on my face, she double checked my blood pressure because of how puffy I looked yesterday You can't tell from this picture but we are at the top of a huge hill at Sleigh Bells in Sherwood. So the fact that I made it up there was a feat in and of itself!

Sabine giving it a try to saw down the tree. Lawrence will finish up that job...not with out some BIG helpers
Addie finding Addie sized trees...she said she wanted to get one that was just taller than her, because daddy said he would get one just taller than him.

Sabine decided to let Lawrence saw the tree and have a photo op with the girlies instead.

Daddy's little helpers, they make every job a little more clausterphobic...er...I mean cozy!

After this we saw Santa and decorated the tree, and made a very fun and special US / German tradition. Will share that later when my eyelids will cooperate. Back to fixing the June elimination entry...riveting! When this is all done, I can relax and take the rest of the month day by day...just as I need to.

And for those not subscribed to the pregnancy blog...(please email me at jennyherman@comcast.net if you want to be). As of yesterday's appt - 1.5cm, 50%. Through the rest of the month I'll update there with the gory details and give snipits here as well...