I love this face

Just when I think I can't love this little guy more, he makes a face so cute that I want to explode with love for him.
Awww what's wrong buddy? So then he says, "You think that was cute...get a load of me when I'm happy!"

And I DO actually EXPLODE with love for him!

Three Cheers for Uncle Matt

For the last week I have been gearing up to be on my own with all three kids during the day for the first long periods of time. Sabine went to visit a friend in the Midwest and check out Chicago (a much deserved mini vacation for her!) I know this shouldn't be so difficult, but there are a lot of different little needs going on around here - and I'm still figuring out how to meet them all while going on very little sleep. For example, while alone one morning, I was nursing Bryson (who hasn't been nursing great by the way, though you'd never know it by his enormous size!) and I hear "Addie went POOPIE in the potty, mama", so I know that if I stop Bryson from eating, he won't start again, and I'd really love for him to get a full feeding, but I also know that Addie CANNOT yet wipe herself. For a moment I consider asking Lily to wipe her, but then I remember, um, she's FIVE and I doubt she'd actually go for it anyway, no matter how big of a help she likes to be...this might be where she'd draw the line. So I ask Lily to get me a wipe from Bryson's changing table and bring it to me, and tell Addie to come into his room next to the glider where I'm nursing, and I wipe her little poopie bottom while feeding my two month old, all the while Lily is laughing hysterically while I demand for her to bring me a plastic baggie and some hand sanitizer to dispose of the wipe. It takes her 10 minutes to do this as she is simply drunk with all the laughter. And yet I feel pretty good about finding a solution. I said to my mom the other day, "I have three children, I need to learn to take care of them all by myself". Even if it means I have to wake Bryson from a short nap, throw him and Addie in their car seats and race to be the last mom in car line to pick Lily up from preschool, with my shoes untied and my teeth not brushed, apologizing to her teacher for my lateness. I still think, "Yay, I did it!" haha. Lily says, "Mom, I knew you were coming, sometimes you are late". Yes Lil, "sometimes" I am. Only sometimes.

So, while I know I CAN do it, at the same time.....

...I felt OH so relieved that my little brother said he was free and on his way through town and could stay for 2 nights. Even if I wasn't on my own, I knew it would make the girls so happy. They adore, ADORE their uncle Matt. And they spent two days climbing all over him, wrestling, dancing, game playing, crafting, make believing, you NAME it, they played it. He even got Addie down for 2 naps!! He's also come along way with maneuvering an infant and wasn't awkward with Bryson like he used to be with the girls. (No offense meant by that, holding a newborn IS awkward when they feel so breakable). It isn't always fun and games. The girls are always so excited that they go nuts and misbehave for the first full day of seeing him. They can't get enough that they act like lunatics! I wish he could see them in their natural environment so he would know that they are good girls. I know he does know that, but he always has to deal with them being so spastic and riled up that it is many hours of CRRRAAAAZZZY when he arrives! :) Exhausting would be an understatement. But luckily he's young and seems to always muster up all the energy required to have fun with them whenever he's needed.

Bryson gave him lots of smiles and also made sure he knew that he was happy to see him.
When it was time for Matt to leave the girls were very sad. They were happy that they got to see his girlfriend, Heather, who came to pick him up. Lily played HARD the last 30 minutes with them (yet another made up game of taking off socks!) and was pretty sad to go to school, even though she had a field trip to the fire department.

Matt is in the National Guard, and so since he signed up there has been the possibility of him being deployed. Now we know, he will have to go for a year, probably leaving in August. We don't know where yet, or even if we'll get to know where, but I can't stop thinking about how hard it will be to have him gone for so long. I will miss my brother, but my children will miss their Uncle Matt so so much.

I have a lot to be thankful for lately. I'm WAY behind on thank yous. Thank yous of many types - any of you reading may be sick of hearing me say thanks to people by the time I get caught up on thanking people in my life. But I am so thankful for the last few days with my little brother and with the fun he got to have with my girls. And even though it shouldn't make a difference in the way we love our family, I can't help but being more nostalgic about our time together. Knowing that we won't be together next Christmas or next Thanksgiving made this Thanksgiving and THIS Christmas all the more special. And as the Fall draws closer I know I will feel that more and more each time we see each other.

Thank you so much, Uncle Matt. Even though the girls get so excited, and they wear you out, and Lawrence and I use you as our personal tech support guy, and even though I didn't feed you yesterday on accident, I hope that when you leave our home, you feel and know one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt.

You are loved.

Ninetieth Percentile

My 2 mth old chunky monkey!

This is the face Bryson usually makes at the girls. Amused. This is close to what Addie's "rough face" is, and I say, "Addie can you put on your gentle face to show your brother?"

Silly girls bundled up for a sunny morning at the zoo with Bean-Bean! Sorry East Coast it's been 60 degrees here this week! We have taken full advantage of no rain going outside.

Today Bryson has his 2 month check up.

Wt: 14lb 7oz 90%
Ht: 23.5in 70%
Head: 39cm 25%

I've never had a baby who was 90% ANYTHING. Lily is around 50% and has been since about 6 months. Addie is around 5% and has been since around 9 months. NINETY! I knew he was heavy, but jeez. I love my little load. He hated his shots, but I found that after the colic and all the screaming I went through during that time, hearing him scream didn't break my heart the same way as it did with the girls who had never cried that hard. Anyway, he stopped crying, nursed, then took a short nap in his car seat on the way home. When we got home, he nursed and took a 2.5 hr nap (and I napped an hour of that, YAY!). He woke up a little fussy this evening, ate and went back to sleep after some Tylenol.

I hate that there are people out there who would have me feel guilty about vaccinating my children. I do not judge anyone for NOT vaccinating theirs. I understand reasons for both sides, I've read Dr. Sears' The Vaccine Book, and we've chosen to vaccinate. For our family this is the right choice, the only choice. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we were all a lot less critical and a lot more tolerant that other families will make different choices than your own, and that it can still be a RIGHT choice for their family, we would all be better parents and more confident parents. The most confident mom I know does some things much different than I, and she never ever makes me feel like my way is wrong. It's because she is confident in her choices, doesn't feel the need to push it on anyone else, and she understands that different things work for all of us.

Anyhoo...so as for my blog, it is not open to anti-vaccine comments, okey dokes? That is not so say I'm not interested in others way of doing things and understand how they came to a decision about what to do. But there is definitely a way to do that without belittling me. Can you tell I had a bit of a run in with insult today????? Moms, let's just STOP judging each other! Pretty please.

That outta do it.

Now back to my little two month old chunky monkey. He can roll from his belly to his back, did that for the first time on Sunday, at exactly two months. Now it is his favorite trick during tummy time. Speaking of tummy time, the dr was impressed with his upper body strength and muscles and how well he held himself into a push up. Although he doesn't sleep long enough for my liking she thinks he is sleeping great for a 2 mth old, which I know. Sometimes he eeks out a 5 hr stretch from 11pm to 4am, and THAT is awesome. Usually he is every 3 around the clock. He goes to bed between 7-8, I wake him at 10-11 for a "dream feed", then he wakes me at 3-4 for a snack, then he is up at 7. Sometimes he'll nurse back to sleep when I bring him to bed with me, and on the days that I have Sabine start at 7am, that is awesome because I can doze back off with him while she feeds the girls and hangs with him. I savour those mornings because I know they are short lived. I only have a few more weeks of them before I'm back at work. So on days when he and I nurse and sleep from 7-9am I don't feel guilty about the schedule or rolling out of bed at 9am (because really, I WAS up in the night!), or about not eating breakfast with the girls. I just revel in the fact that I CAN do this, while he is small, while I have my girls loved and cared for so early in the am. It is really the sweetest time.

He smiles at me nearly every time I talk to him. He smiles a lot at the girls too. And at the stripes on his wall. He's a smiley little guy. Lily and Addie announce it every time he smiles. When Addie does it, it is SO cute. I wish I could get it on video. She yells in her squeaky little voice, "Mama, he mile-ing at ME" And since his smile is so open mouthed, she looks back at him with her mouth so wide open trying to imitate him.

Lily has fed him a few bottles and holds him occasionally when it is actually HELPFUL to me. Holy COW! This is awesome because she is giving me some hands free time. I mean, I don't leave the room, but I can fold some laundry or put groceries away while she holds him or feeds him. And for her, she loves it. She told me the best part of being a big sister is holding Bryson.

Argh, I'm constantly in a battle with her strong will and her sweet heart. I'm sure I expect too much out of her - she is such a great sweet help, and it is only when I see things that I would call "character" type misbehaving that it gets under my skin. I understand that she doesn't transistion well, or that she likes to boss everyone around and tell you how to play a game that you already know how to play. But it's when she acts ungrateful or talks hatefully to someone or is sneaky/greedy that I lose my cool. Then in the next moment she is so sweet to Addie or Bryson I could cry. She told me that they are her favorite people in the whole world. Her sweetness in general just gives me so much joy and I often kick myself when I am hard on her about the other stuff. Especially in the evenings, when it is quiet and I have time to reflect on the day, her actions, my reactions, my actions, her reactions. And yet. She still thinks I hung the moon. Incredible.

Today when I told Addie to be gentle with Bryson's thigh because he had 3 shots, she started to cry saying, "I don't want that to happen to he". Awww. She definitely has a tender heart too, though not quite as big as Lily's yet. She loves Bryson, but is still a little too rough on grabbing his limbs and pulling or poking his tummy, etc. I try to be careful about jumping on her about it and try to remind her to be gentle and show her how gentle touching feels. Sometimes you can see on her face that she is coming in for a smashing, so I like to tell her to get her "gentle face on". The funny thing is, she knows what that means.

Today at the dr appt they ask me how Bryson's parents health was and how the emotional temperature of the house was. Despite all the small stuff (which my sister-in-law often reminds me not to sweat!) I was very pleased to answer the question that Bryson's home and parents are very very happy! :)

And....that his mom got on her blog to post his stats, then hit the sack, but she can't write just a little so, there ya go, you have the whole story. For today.

We heart the games

Dad and son catching a few events. This image of the two of them made me laugh, I just had to run and grab the camera.

There is just something about the Olympics that draws us in. We can't get enough. Normally, I would not care about ski jumpers or speed skaters or ice sweepers (okay, I'll admit, I hate curling...glorified shuffleboard on ice, that's a whole other story). But when you put those 5 rings together and give me the stories of those athletes' lives, I'm a total sucker. The pageantry, the athleticism, the pride in each country. I. LOVE. IT.

So when the Olympics come to town, er, TV, it is relaxing having 2 full weeks of knowing something is on that you want to watch when you want to watch it, but nothing that you have to watch when life is too busy for TV and the sun is shining out.

However, I do not highly recommend trying to fall asleep to the figure skating that they keep putting on at nearly midnight. (Why is this now considered prime time when usually that slot is for the late late late show, and no one is watching. I was so excited to be in the same time zone this year, and no dice for reasonable hours) The pit in my stomach as I will the skaters not to fall is adrenaline pumping and does not allow for easy drifting off. Yawn.

I'm teaching the girls the Olympic song. Do-do-duh-do-do-do-do. dodododotodooooo. You know the one. I just realized I'm not great at typing out a tune via keyboard. Just as I can't hummdinger worth a damn either. Extra credit to you if you know what I'm referring to when I say hummdinger, and DOUBLE extra credit to you if you've ever had to be my partner during said hummdinger when it's my turn.

Okay anyway, a little off track.

Each person at the Olympics has worked their entire life for this moment. Each fall or clean performance was the most important moment of their life so far. I cannot imagine that kind of pressure, whether you fail or when you succeed. I try to imagine something I wanted so badly and worked so hard for, and I really can't. The stories draw you in, and they make you want it for them so badly. I think I mentioned before, I.LOVE.IT. That is my kind of reality show.

Today I'm on day 19 of the 30 day shred. I feel great, and sore, and smaller, and stronger, and confident that I can get to March 2 doing all 30 days. Whoa! 30 days! I've never worked out 19 days in a row in my whole life. Ever. Now I try to imagine staying dedicated to work on something since I was nine years old. It is unfathomable to me. To most of us.

But that's what makes it so Amazing.

Hitting the slopes

LILY AND BEAN BEAN SKIING



I mentioned a few posts ago that last weekend Lawrence took Sabine and Lily skiing. Here are the videos and pics as promised!

Vielen vielen Dank für die Geschenke Familie Mainka

This is a little late, but I wanted to thank Sabine's family for the thoughtful gifts they sent for the kids for the holidays. Here are the girls opening their gifts and a picture of Bryson wearing his little outfit the other day! Thank you!! :)





Vielen vielen Dank für die Geschenke Familie Mainka

Hope I did that right, I didn't even get any help from my German speaker! :) Much love!!
xxoo

A weekend of heart

My breakfast....
Sweet sisters at Lily's school party

What a weekend. I'm not sure where to even start. I guess the beginning is probably a good place.

On Friday I went to Lily's Valentine party at school, and as usual, she was the most awesome big sister ever. She and Addie didn't leave each others side. Being around the house so often I forget how much they love each other when it's them and the world. I was in bed by 9pm because last week was a really exhausting week. Bryson has been up about 3x a night, starving. He's only napping for 45 minutes, so that means no naps for me. My knees have been killing me from the 30 day shred. In general just exhausted. Then he woke up FOUR times to eat that night. It might not have been so daunting except that Lawrence, Lily, & Sabine were waking up bright and early on Saturday morning to go skiing and I'd be on my own with him and Addie for a very busy Saturday. I kept the wakeups and tiredness in perspective because...

On Saturday I went to a funeral for an 8 month old daughter of my friend, Kim. Julia's celebration of life was absolutely beautiful. Probably the most touching funeral I've every been to. Her mama, Kim, actually spoke about Julia's little life, and I can't describe how moved I was by the whole service. I cried and cried and cried for a baby I barely knew who made such a big impact. Her four year old brother got up to say something, he talked about loving and playing with Julia, and I could barely catch my breath through my tears. The pastor's words and songs were so comforting, and it was obvious he had come to love this little girl and this family so much. Kim, as always, encouraged me to have more love and faith, and as I've said before to enjoy each and every moment I am given with my children as a gift. She lifted her hands lovingly to God for giving her the gift of Julia and changing them all forever.

I could have slept for days after I got home from the funeral - but that's not my reality - having that fresh and emotional perspective from the funeral gave me the energy to get through the day and afternoon paying attention to the little moments. Laughing and snuggling with Addie and watching Bryson as he discovered the mobile above his changing table. I also marveled at there perfectly made little bodies, and held them close as they took in each breath.

When Lawrence came home, everyone was excited. Lily and Sabine had done REALLY well skiing and they had photos and video and stories to tell. Both impressed by skiing so well, really turning and slowing and doing the chair lift very very well! My friend Shawna came over when I went to the funeral and Addie had a lot to tell about getting to play with Shawna. The girls danced and laughed and hugged and SCREAMED like they hadn't seen each other in years. Addie is a totally different kid without Lily. She behaves better and is a little less crazy. She loves to be the helper and she ANSWERS FOR HERSELF even, without big sis stepping in nonstop. But she also looks for her, waits for her, and misses her terribly.

Shortly after they came home, I pumped a bottle, got dolled up and Lawrence and I left to go to a 40th bday party of our good friend. It was so fun, we really had a blast without the kids. And it was easy because they only live a few blocks away. It is our 2nd 40th bday in a few months and we can't believe that we are in the season of 40th bday parties!!!! It seems like just yesterday everyone we knew was celebrating 30...

Today - Valentine's Day - the day everyone on FaceBook seems to love to hate - was so nice and relaxing. We did nothing, we stayed in PJs all day. We gave little to each other. Just hung out and rested and enjoyed the love of our family.

We decided to give the kids a few of our favorite books. Mine was The Pokey Little Puppy and Lawrence's was Ticky Ticky Tembo. We got Lily some BOB books from Powell's (used level one set for only $14!!!). I could write a whole other blog on her and reading. But Today SHE TOTALLY got it. She read me two of the books and was sounding it out all on her own. It was awesome. If you asked me when she was two (when she was writing her name and knowing all letters, lower and caps), I would have told you she'd be reading at 3 but for some reason she has been hesitant and every time we work on it, she gets crazy and silly and stops trying. I haven't pushed her, but I've known she could do it for well over a year, maybe 2. And today, SHE DID IT. So it was really exciting for me. And for her! She was so proud of herself, and so confident as she sounded each word out and then amazed said the word quickly as she knew what it was. I know this 'clicking' will make me happy many many many times in her smart little life. It already has as she can add and subtract and divide in her head like no other pre-ker I've seen! I enjoyed it so much today.

I have more to say and more pictures to post, but I need to go dream feed Bryson (who by the way is TWO MONTHS OLD today!!!) and it is almost 11pm, so it's time to post.

Happy Valentine's Day. Today and every day, I really love this life and the people in it.

I was going to post the link to last year's valentine's pictures and letters because I think it is fun to do, but we had 4 vday posts! I forgot that Lawrence did a "guest blogger" thing! I just re-read them and they are SO SO sweet. Man I love my man! :) The link below takes you to Feb 2009 archive, which contains an entry for out of the past, or Lawrence's 2008 vday poems to his three girls. Anyway, you have to scroll down so see the Vday stuff. But SO sweet!

http://hermanfamdam.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html

Never wake a sleeping baby

Bryson still sleeps totally swaddled. So here is what he usually looks like...
Except less greasy. For some reason he always looks so SHINY in pictures:
The past few nights he would NOT wake up from the 5pm nap, and around 7pm I unswaddled him, turned off his white noise, turned on the light, and let the girls run rampant and loud...yet he looked like this! What better time to take some pictures of my sleeping prince, sleeping yet not looking like a burrito.
The night before that he had got his arms out of his swaddle on his own, fussed and went back to sleep. They say, never wake a sleeping baby...

Unless of course he looks this cute after his arms escape his swaddle and you just HAVE to get a picture!!!Was it worth it...Absolutely!!!

Kooky: having characteristics of a kook, crazy, offbeat

Lily: Mama, I'm like weird. I feel weird, like I don't know what time of day it is.
Mama: Lil, you're a Kook
Lil: I know
Mama: Don't worry, Lil, I'm a kook too, you got it from me
L: Yep, and Grandma Lanie is a kook too and you got it from Grandma Lanie
M: Yep
L: Where did Grandma Lanie get it from?
M: I think Grandma Lanie invented being a kook
L: Daddy's not a kook because Grandma Carol's not a kook
M: (Laughing) True
L: Addie sure is a kook like me and you
M: Yep she is, maybe not as much as me and you, but she is one
L: I hope Bryson is a kook like us, I hope he gets it from you and not like Daddy, I bet he will.

With 3 kooks like us in the house, the little guys doesn't stand a chance...

Moving through sizes and time

The new smile
There is no such thing
As a perfect picture
Of all three kids

Last night as Lawrence and I mused about our weekend, and how we barely saw each other, and didn't rest for a second it seemed, we also reflected that it had been a good one. We did some serious tag team parenting and while we both felt a little tired, we didn't feel overly worn to the ground exhausted. He said, "Don't worry hon, we'll have time for each other when we are 60, we'll fall in love all over again". Sweet. Then I said, "Is that why we both have to keep working out so hard, so that we can be attracted to each other and have the energy to do all the active things we love doing" [insert: and aren't possible with 3 kids, 5 and under]. It made me think about how important being active and staying in shape is. This isn't just to give ourselves energy right now, but to stay healthy for 5-10-20 years from now when we do have the freedoms to do some of the things we love and have given up to raise our babies, we have the energy and capable bodies then. And we know, taking of the weight and beating the lethargy isn't going to get any easier years down the road, when we do have more time...and less muscle mass slash slower metabolisms.

The 30 day shred is going good. I'm on day 8. Lawrence is on day 8 of running and doing 50 pushups. Man that guys chest muscles pop back into gear with only a week of no effort. I know Lily got his genes and I hope the other two follow suit. I'm always impressed by how fast he gets back into great physical shape in such a short period of time. He took Saturday running off, and that was partially my fault. I sent him to a 5 year old bday party with the girls so I could get my work out in and get Bryson his nap.

There is the song, "Remember When...", by a country singer (just looked it up for the link, Alan Jackson). Anyway, one time, my friend Jeanine told me that her husband, Otto, told her they were half way through that song. Since we keep having babies, we've stayed halfway through that song for several years.

Right now we are:
Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old

Ever since Jeanine told me about Otto saying it to me, it pops into my head as I hear the sound of little feet. They are the music of our lives right now. And they will be for a while. I can't even imagine a day when they won't be, but I can imagine myself longing for that sound again. Even as I tell Lily, 'Walk quieter, don't stomp so hard". I know I'll miss the sound of that stomping someday when she starts tiptoeing to sneak in or out! :) I'll wish for the days when I knew every thought and worry in her little head. I'll miss the days that big tantrums got of all the bad stuff out. When falling to the floor in a weeping heap was all you had to do to rid your little body of disappointment. When hugs from mommy or a tic tac could take it all away.

As we discuss and contemplate whether Bryson will be our last baby or not, this hits me harder.
He's almost out of 0-3 mth clothes, a little over 13 lbs, and in size 2 diapers. And as I pack up the things that don't fit any more, I'm not sure whether I will use it again, and it's weird. As I put away maternity clothes that are too big, and squeeze back into my size 14 jeans (and I do mean squeeze), I wonder what will become of my beloved sweatsuits and soft bellied jeans. As I loan out clothes, both baby and maternity, making it fully clear that I don't know what I'm doing so I want every peice back, my heart jumps inside thinking that I might not really need anything back, anything at all. Oh, the closet space I will have. And the storage bins!

I really haven't had to buy one thing for little Addie, I saved each and every little thing from Lily, and as for Bryson, between generous gifting and lots of hand me downs from friends, he won't need much new either. So that leaves only Lily to shop for and she is growing like a week. I couldn't carry her to the potty the other night when Lawrence was out. (sometimes we do that before we go to bed on nights that we forgot to have her go before bedtime to ensure no extra middle of the night wake ups). She's not too big for me to carry when she jumps up and holds on tight, but dead weight, no chance I could do it. My baby is almost too big for my arms. So far only physically but only a matter of years before emotionally she will be too. Especially if I don't remember to nurture that relationship.

Honestly the relationship with her is the hardest to nurture when I'm short on time and energy, because she is so grown up and self sufficient. It's easy to lose my cool with her, because she knows better. It's easy to keep her as a right hand man, taking care of the little two, because she loves it and she is good at it. To some extent, all of this stuff comes with being the oldest child. But I also want to be mindful each day of her childness. She is just a little girl who would love nothing more than to play and snuggle day in and day out with her mama. And it's not going to last. So I'm trying to recommit and appreciate each moment, each and every one, with all three of them, so I don't look back, remembering when, with any regrets, or with any more sadness other than just missing it, missing them at these sizes.

FOR sure, I won't be missing me at this size. I'll have NO problem discarding the size 14 jeans when I'm back in a size 8. (AND I WILL GET THERE!) But I already miss the feeling of a baby kicking in my belly and I miss the knowing/gentle looks from strangers that something really special is about to happen to you. And this is only 8 weeks later. Bryson is 8 weeks today. So in two years, when we'd normally be ready to start trying to have another baby, I can't imagine what it will be like and how much I will miss it.

My friend, Kirstin (my water fitness partner), wrote an beautiful blog about how one thing has to come to an end before something else can become. In her case, her family of three comes to an end to make way for a family of four. I can really relate to that. If we "decide" (I use that term lightly as I realize it is never really up to us and it is by the grace of God we are given the gift of children in any situation) to stop having babies, there is another wonderful life outside of infancy of things to experience with our children and as a family, so if more babies comes to an end, I have no doubt that it will be replaced by equally as wonderful things, watching all our children grow.

My friend Kim, lost her daughter on Friday. I've mentioned Kim before, she is a friend of a friend, and Julia was diagnosed with many health complications at her 20 week ultrasound. Their family had 8 months on earth with Julia, and they did not take one day for granted as they knew her days were numbered and that it was entirely out of their control. I only got to meet beautiful little Julia once when she was a few months old, back in July, but I kept up on Kim's CaringBridge site and was encouraged by Kim's peace and faith and living joy in the moment with her little Julia and Julia's two big brothers. Please keep them in your prayers, especially the brothers (ages 2 & 4), as they all try to comprehend this loss that they knew was probable from day one and find peace and comfort in the 8 months they had with their little angel. I'm so thankful that Kim shared Julia's story with the world because her attitude was so inspiring to me. And she also reminded me each time she referred to Julia as perfect, that each child is perfect, just as they are, just as God made them.

It's been a few days since I blogged, and it is because I'm trying to make more time for non computer related things, I'm doing my 30 shred, and keeping up with a message board with my 4 friends virtually doing it with me. I know this is a bit of a hodge podge of topics, but as the kids grow, and I shrink (hopefully) and am surrounded by good friends and support, both in real life and on the computer, I keep being conked over the head with the blessings in my life. I'm trying hard to live in today, be present in the moment, work hard for the future, knowing that things don't come easy, but they will come and they are worth working for.

And for today, that is more than enough.

Snow Bunny

Lily and her new friend Aurora

Lawrence and Lily went skiing on Sunday. It was Lily's 4th time skiing, over the last 3 years. Lawrence would take her every weekend if he could. Next year he hopes he can start teaching Addie, so he and Lil need to go a few more times so she can be self sufficient. Someday, I'll ski again. It's just hard when I keep having babies every 2.5 years! :) I'm pretty bad anyway, so maybe Lily can give me some tips when I get back to the slopes. In the meantime, I'm pretty proud of my big girl and of her daddy for teaching her.

I'm a shredhead

Today was day 2 of my 30 day shred. Wow. It is HARD.

After day one, I felt very shaky and sick. But I did it.

Last night, Bryson woke at 3am, 5am, & 8am. Each time he did I felt more and more muscles that I didn't know I had. Like one that made my elbow hurt. WHAT? It just hurts to go up the stairs, or down the stairs, or to sit on the toilet, or to get into the car. This morning it wasn't the good hurt either. It was the kind of hurt that made me panic that I just got several of my friends into this to be accountability partners, and I wasn't gonna make day 2. OH. NO.

But then guess what happened. I read on our message board that 2 of my gal-in-pain-pals had already completed day 2. Okay, so it's possible. And Lawrence was on his way home to give me the 20 minutes I needed to do the video. So I got dressed. I decided I needed to use 1.5 lbs for a few of the exercises rather than 5lbs, which was WAY too heavy. I might need to invest in some 3 pounders. Anyway, the support that can come from friends doing it too is pretty encouraging.

So for those that don't know, the 30-day shred is a workout DVD from one of the "Biggest Loser" trainers, Jillian Micheals. It is 20 minutes. Three 8 minute circuits. Each circuit is 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs. She works in big muscle groups and small ones at the same time so you don't have any rest, and burn max calories. There are 3 levels, I'm still on level one, and the motified movements in level one at that.

And it's hard work. It is.

But when you are short on time, and an hour work out sounds overwhelming and unrealistic, this sounds doable. Even for 30 days in a row. But it is A HARD 20 minutes. It has to be.

Some of my favorite things she says in the level one work out.

If you are looking for a modified version of a jumping jack, look elsewhere, I get 400 lb people to do this, so can you

No rest, if you want to work out for only 20 minutes a day, then you have to make every minute of that 20 minutes count.

If we are going to make big promises (up to 20lbs in 30 days), we have to give you a work out that can deliver

I'm paraphrasing of course. She's a pusher, and she's pushing me.


Tonight Lawrence and the girls started the work out with me. Lily wanted to use my 1.5lb weights because daddy has told her she could (thanks daddy). Little did he know, I'd NEED them! But being the very ingenuic daddy that he is, he made Lily and Addie their own weights out of tinker toys. Bryson woke from his nap about 5 minutes into the video, so Lawrence tended to him. And let me tell you. He is in good shape and he was struggling! He'll tell you that he isn't in great shape, but he does pushups regularly and sometimes with TWO girls on his back, and he couldn't do push ups for the full minute like you are supposed to. So he had to stop and watched with Bryson in his arms, impressed as I finished day 2. Addie lost interest, but Lily finished the whole video with me. She's a bit of a spaz with her jumping jacks and punches, but we were both impressed that she didn't lose interest. She changed into shorts and a tank top half way through because she was so hot. I forgot how buff she is! Man the girl has muscles. Lawrence said, "If mommy keeps up with this video, she'll have arms that look like Lily's. " Seriously, I'll take them!

So after finishing day 2, I think I might be able to do this. I mean, I am doing this. Every single day for thirty days. There, I said it. I'm committed. I'm going to be healthy and fitting exercise into each day. I haven't pushed myself in a long time, and it's nice to find the lost muscles. They needed to be found. Here's to making them strong and giving me lots of energy and strength.

Thanks to my fellow shredheads... you know who you are, I'm not sure if you want the blogosphere knowing who you are. I'm proud of you and so glad we are doing this together.

Go US!