Making my day

The whole Herman family had a wonderful day today.

Lawrence took Lily skiing and she did AWESOME. She made a new friend, Aurora and they skied together the whole day.

Addie and Bryson and I went to church, and somehow I managed. Addie went to her class and they told me she was a perfect doll. She brought her own snack, and thinks having allergies makes her cool. Then we had a good day at home, I got them both to nap at the same time, right after I got Bryson to smile at me, on demand. Meaning he smiled when I came to him and he did it several times. Enough times for me to get a camera. And then I even got a picture, with the delay and everything!

I was all ready to post the pictures of skiing, but the camera has been temporarily misplaced in all the chaos of the evening. **Updated to read: FOUND IT!!!

Kids are in bed. Tomorrow begins day one of 30 day shred with 4 super cool and super supportive ladies. I watched it today for a preview of what I was getting into. I'll admit, it doesn't look too bad while I'm laying down watching it!

Yay for a good day! Friday night Bryson slept for 6 hrs, last night I thought he would repeat but instead he slept 7-11 and I woke him and did a dream feed at 11 before I went to bed (same as the night before) and he woke up every 2 hrs all night. So, we aren't there yet, but he's been going down for every nap and bed time awake, putting himself to sleep with no crying. It requires really watching his tired cues, but it's worth it. He isn't even fussy anymore. Seriously we have a whole new baby than we did 2 weeks ago.

More good days to come...

Don't Forget the Bacon

Don't forget the bacon is Addie's new catch phrase. She says it around 200x a day. They heard the book at story time last week at the Children's Museum and she can't get it out of her head. Sometimes it's in context, usually it's not.

"Don't foeget yo bacon, mama, don't foeget yo bacon".

Bryson's Nursery

Drumroll please...okay, maybe not, but I've been meaning to post some pictures of Bryson's new nursery. Added bonus, this is no longer his changing and nursing room, because he is now successfully sleeping in his crib, getting up at 2 & 5ish still to eat. But tonight I fed him at midnight, and I'm hopeful he'll do a long stretch.


It's not totally finished but...it's what it's going to be for a while and it looks great. This WAS Addie's room....
And I changed it into Bryson's room...
My friend Carrie helped me tape the stripes for this room (THANK YOU CAR YOU ARE A GENIOUS!), and I painted it the week between Christmas and NYE when my mom was here in half our increments. (Hmm speaking of, I still have some brushes to wash in the mud sink...darn).

It really turned out great. And the best part of this room...

We did not spend a DIME on it. We were given a few of the monkey accessories by my mom and as gifts. But we did the whole room for free, recycling stuff from the girls and paint we already had in the house. Sure, I could have (and did) find a BUNCH of nurseries that I loved and spent a lot, but I really knew it was something that we didn't need to spend money on, nor could we afford to. And so it feels really good to have made it such a nice space-regardless of cost. (or lack of cost!)

Look how happy AND OLD Bryson looks about it...

Jennifer made this cool photo thing for my shower. There is one more spot for a picture of Bryson and it goes GREAT in his room... R to L that's Lawrence, Jenny, Lily, Addie

The crib and changing table being used for a THIRD time. Sabine gave us a new diaper pail and wipes warmer.

We had a great day today and even a short date night (Thank you Sabine for forcing this on us and knowing what we need!). We spent an hour talking about the kids. But we are surprised at how good we are getting at this. :) Meaning our marriage, how this has been very challenging, how Bryson is doing SO much better, and how we seem to genuinely not be pissed at each other 99% of the time. That is a change from our prior postpartum weeks with the girls. In the past we've struggled these weeks, not getting snippy with each other, forgetting our awesome sense of humor, one of the best qualities in our marriage. Forgetting about being a good team and caring how hard it is on the other. It is tiring and stressful and emotion filled and overwhelming. And we are doing it.
Doing it just fine.Cutest biggest softest newborn feet that I've ever held.

Way Back when we were Waiting on Bryson

It's hard to even remember that there was half a month of December that happened before Bryson got here. I know I was very prepared for the holidays this year, most of it done in November and all of December, before and after he came, is kind of a blur.

We did A LOT of crafting during this time. Waiting and crafting. We went to ceramic cafe like 4 times. I couldn't do much but just SIT with the girls, and we had to get out of the house...

Looking at the dates on the pictures, I'm amazed!

Painting dreidals for Gma and Gpa. I can't believe this was only 24 hrs before he was HERE! WOW.

Painting onsies - this was the SAME day as the dreidals? What!


We also made a gingerbread house this day! Did I forget that I was in labor? I honestly did not remember it all in one day!

2nd night of Hanukkah - electronic and child safe! :) By the eighth night, they could do part of the prayer.
First night of Hanukkah. Happy about the Mellissa & Doug presents from Gma & Gpa
Taking this photo during the first few hours of contractions, wondering WHY my hubby wasn't home from work yet...
A week before, more ceramic cafe, a mug for Uncle Matt with the "class beaver" Elliot! (see previous post on her disgusting love of stuffed animals! She loved this one SO much, each kid gets to take it home for a weekend with a notebook and write what they did with him, so there was pressure to do something good. She kept forgetting when we left the house too! I tried to get her to let him take a ride in our NEW washing machine. No go!)
Attempting to get an Addie print on Uncle Matt's mug for his new apartment

Lily's print isn't going to fit on a mug much longer, we had to get the biggest one!

Lots of fun waiting for Bryson, I'm glad to see that we spent some good QT with the girls, and glad I have some pictures to remember it because it's all a haze! :) To be honest sometimes the photos remind me that I'm a better mom than what I feel like at times.

Dolly playdate

Last night Bryson had what is sure to be the first of many many many times playing dolls with his sisters. He and the rest of the babies in the house had a play date, and boy did they have fun.

I mean, the girls have been having a lot of play dates lately, so why should we leave Bryson out.

Here he is with all of his new friends. I'm not sure why they are all so scantily clad. Bryson didn't know it was no pants day, but was glad he fit in...
Tail end of a smile...
I think his eyes are gonna be blueAddie is such a rebel sibling picture taker...(insert laugh and head shake), Lily on the other hand will do any and everything to be photographed with her brother, or to get a picture of "the three".

So we move to Addie's spot...better.
Hey girls let's get a picture of you kissing your brother's cheek (remembering a cute photo I'd seen like this with each sib kissing baby's cheek).
Oh wait...not like that. Sigh. Bryson survives another malling.


Look how peaceful he looks! This melts me. Another chiro appt today, and he is doing so great.

I took Lily to Bryson's chiro appt with me today and then to Michael's where she bought a Valentine craft with her own money. We had lunch (she ate, while I nursed Bryson in the car) and then I took her to school. It was a long exhausting morning ( maybe my own version of supermom?) for me after a long stretch of being up last night. However, it was really good quality time with Lily. I enjoyed the long car ride each way talking with her, and then Michael's was fun too. Sometimes my head is spinning and I'm not in the moment with her, and this is probably the best, most quality time that I have spent with her since B's birth. It was really really nice. While we were away, Addie had a play date with Sabine and another au pair with a 2 year old boy, Milo. Her new friend! :)

Friday we swap and Addie goes to the chiro with B and mommy while Lily gets a play date with her friend Nathaniel. I hope that goes just as well.

We have a week of birthday parties, dentist appts, postpartum appts, etc, etc, coming up next week, so busy, busy. I've even made 2 coffee dates. Like ahead of time. Plans. For me. Is this what you call functional? Plus I start the 30-day shred on Monday with 4 friends! I'm so glad that I reached out and asked a few of my good friends to do this with me, I was planning on going it alone and now I feel so much more certain I can stick with it because I reached out, and as it turns out, they are all so happy as well for an excuse to get going and have accountability...virtual accountability of course!

I have been working with Bryson the last 3 days on a schedule and getting to sleep out of arms/swing/etc. The last 2 days he has fallen asleep FOUR times for naps in his crib when laid down awake but drowsy with no crying and no intervention on my part. Night times haven't been as good, but he has slept the last 2 nights in his own room. I can't tell yet, if I'm getting more sleep or less, but I think the sleep I am getting is a little deeper than when he was next to me.

Speaking of sleep, time to do some of that!

Under the stairs

my riff raff girl
photo by www.christinagilchrist.com

We have this little closety cubby like thing under our stairs. It is a coat closet that goes way back and it is carpeted with new carpet. If there were a light in there it would be a great little room for the kids to play. Oh never mind, who needs a light. They LOVE playing in there. They call it their "secret camp out". I've taken to hanging cheap plastic shoe holders to the inside of the closet doors and that is where we keep mittens and hats in the winter and sunhats and sunglasses in the summer. They both have their own flash light in the holder for going into the "secret camp out".

Today, I got Bryson down for a nap and Lawrence was getting dinner ready. The girls were running circles around us and we both had a headache. Loud circles. Then Addie asked, "My go in the seecket campout?". "SURE!" I say. Because seriously, did my child just ask to go into a dark closet and close the door? :) I laughed as they both ducked under coats and stepped over vacuums and bins full of summer games like parachutes and croket, diving back to the open area of the campout. Who knows what they've got back there. Some stuffed animals, books, "seats" (and I'm using that term pretty loosely), and of course the "conjector" for movie watching. The conjector, or projector, if you will is a little projector my brother got Lily for her birthday last year. It plays view masters. They both LOVE IT. You would think they were going to the drive in as the excitement mounts for then to dive into a closet of $hit to watch "movies". You can hear them in there, under the stairs, arguing about whose turn it is to "work" the conjector. Or who needs to turn their flashlight off. Or who can't see without their flash light.

Today when they emerged, Lily said, "Mom, look what I found in the secret camp out". It was a stuffed penguin that my mom's friend, Marilyn, gave to Addie about 2 years ago. You would have thought Lily struck gold the affection she showed this thing. She caressed it and touched it to her face, flapped it's wings and marvelled how they looked like arms. She wanted to know how it got around, then proceeded to experiment with making it waddle or zoom on it's belly.

She loves stuffed animals more than what seems humanly possible. I saw her set it on the stair ledge before going in the bathroom to brush teeth (we have a strict, no-stuffed-animals-in-the-bathroom rule), she nuzzled it, and told it how cute it was nose to nose looking at it longingly for a few more seconds before dashing into the bathroom for TEETH TIME. Then cuddled into bed with it and the 47 other "special" bears, rabbits, and other miscellaneous "guys" that she sleeps with, arranged just so.

I don't know why the stuffed animal loving annoys me so. Maybe because they are germ traps, and collect dust, and we have SO.DAMN.MANY of them. And every single one is cherished more than the next so every one that comes in is more special than the last. Today, while I was rocking Bryson in his room, I could see her interacting with this penguin, her new love, and I laughed.

And I EXPLODED with love for her tender little heart, how a stuffed soft little thing can mean the world to her. How 500 soft little stuffed things, can mean the world to her. I just love her for that. Sometimes you have to stop and think, sometimes the things about a person that drive you absolutely batty are the very characteristics about them that make you LOVE LOVE LOVE them.

Today, a trip under the stairs reminded me.

July 08 - photo by www.christinagilchrist.com - somethings never change! :)

Addie Babysitting

Addie singing "Rock a bye Baby" to Bryson, then asking him to say cheese to the camera and look at the green button (which is what I always say to her when I can't get her to look), then almost dropping him off the couch, but I sacraficed the camera and the documenting to save him! :)

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...take six weeks

I started this post 2 weeks ago! I'm sitting here trying to make a to do list to feel a little less overwhelmed and a little more organized, but somehow getting a blog out makes me feel both of those things. For some reason it won't let me take this post off italics, so italics you get!

Bryson is six weeks today. It's a little hard to believe that somehow six weeks has passed. A few weeks ago I was thinking about the passing of time. It just keeps marching on. And while I was struggling with him through "colic" and being sick and all the reassurance I received from people were things like "this too shall pass" or "it'll be over by 3-4 months", I couldn't help but feel somewhat cheated. I'll be going back to work the week of March 22, and THIS is the time I have with him now. THIS is when I want to enjoy the time. I don't care so much about it getting "easier", because, HA, that's sort of a joke, considering there are days with Lily and Addie that I think, I can't believe they are still this much work.

I guess that's why I'm so shocked and grateful of the huge impact of the chiropractic treatment. And I'm so pleased/blessed/thankful. Because it really gave me back time with my baby and I feel like I was able to do something other than just wait it out. It isn't about me, HE is so much less miserable. And what mommy doesn't relish in seeing that!?

I'm still in somewhat of survival mode, and it seems like I should be operating at a higher level by now. I'm not napping every day (not by choice) but I'm not showering every day either, and often find myself still in my spit up covered pjs at lunch time with my teeth unbrushed. Last night Bryson had a really hard night, I'm not sure what that was about, but he couldn't get back to sleep after eating at 11pm, and was up and down until 4:30am when I put him in his own room, in his own crib. And then he slept for 2 hrs. He's in there now, and is taking his first real nap in his own bed. I need to get a child proof door knob for his room to keep Addie from marching and to wake him up and see what he is up to. She's a little stinker too, yelling, "WAY UP Bwyson!"

Physically, I feel pretty good, I'm still wearing mostly maternity sweats, umm, clothes for the most part because it's whats quick and comfy and in my drawers, but I did squeeze into a pair of non elastic waist jeans the other night for an outing. I'm planning to try to lose the weight using the 30 day shred. I've heard that this is GREAT for postpartum moms. But so far, I'm actually pretty pleased with my postpartum stomach. I remember feeling shocked by it's largeness after my last two pregnancies, so either I'm just more realistic this time about what to expect, or it is in fact a bit smaller, likely some combination of the 2. My goal is always to lose the weight by time the baby is nine months, but in reality I usually lose it closer to 2 years...who's counting. We have a family vacation planned in August and since that is close to 9 months and as good of time as any, I might shoot for that as my goal. I know that getting back in shape will give me more energy and strength and I care about that more than what size of jeans I'm fitting into. Wait, could that be age and maturity talking? naaaaaaahh.....

When I was on maternity leave with Addie I was so FUNCTIONAL by this point. I was joining mommy meet up groups, going for long walks in the park, enjoying days with Lily and Addie, and don't mind if I admit having days of feeling pretty supermomish. I'm pretty sure she was doing six or more stretches at night, so I was relatively rested. It was August, and in Portland that is just a FABULOUS time of year, spirits are high, and mine definitely were. I don't mind the gray skies or the rain, I still think it is really beautiful here year round, but it's certainly more work to get out to get fresh air because, frankly, it just doesn't feel that good. So fresh air and exercise is sometimes limited to the mad dash to the car as to not get wet.

All that being said, with Addie, I started having anxiety attacks around 8 weeks. I didn't recognize the cause at the time but it was my thinking (dreading) of going back to work. I even had my heart checked out, because it was pounding in my chest and I couldn't see that I was feeling anxious. I got to stay home for 16 weeks with Addie and this time I'll be going back with Bryson is three months old. More of my anxiety right now stems from the logistics of managing all the things and people in my life that I will need to manage. Right now things are pretty simple during my days. They are very tiring sleep deprived days, but they are simple. My full time job is feeding and caring for Bryson. Sabine takes care of the girls, and while I play with them and give them some love throughout the day, she keeps them fed and on their schedule and takes them on outings, does crafts, chauffeurs Lily to school 3 afternoons a week. I've got it pretty good. Bryson is my only job, and they idea of that changing hurts my brain. And my heart.

But I don't like to complain, I do not believe there is a full time working mom out there who has it as good as I do. I work at home 2 days a week, and have all the flexibility in the world from my childless, single, male boss to take care of things at home when needed. I sometimes wonder what he thinks about the quantities of illness and accidents and ear infections that two (soon to be three) children can acquire. Still, he always lets me do what I need to do as long as the work gets done, which it always does. He knows that I will always do what needs to be done to meet deadlines, etc. I do keep up my end of the bargain, and work many late nights after the family is in bed doing so. I'm in a position lots of working moms would love to be, and I always want to keep that in perspective.

I'm just saying, life IS simpler when I don't have to worry about accounting software, or balance sheets, or sales numbers, or tax deadlines, or vacation days, or account balances. So for now I'm going to relish in the fact that I have six more weeks just to be mom. And for the record, I really do like just being mom. And since I see both sides of the world, being "just" mom, is much much harder than having "time off" to go to the office and be with grown ups 3 days a week. Notice above I said simpler, not easier. Going to work is working, yes, but also peeing and lunching when you like. Having a few minutes of quiet to think when you like. Enjoying a hot cup of coffee without the worry of it scalding a something-month-old when you like. These are things you don't have but often desperately need when you are "just" mom. So I get those things a few days a week, and then I get to be mom more days a week and I get to contribute to supporting the family as we need. And it's crazy and hard, but so is any path you choose and once the boat settles this job and this company do give me some semblance of balance that we all are looking for.

PLEASE Just remind me of all that when I'm clinging to my door knob watching 3 crying faces out the window with my breast pump loaded on my back and tri-met tickets in my pocket and I'm screaming, "NO I DON'T WANT TO GO!!"

Lily and B having tummy time
Daddy with his 3 kids, early am style. I love how he doesn't look tired AT ALL!

B falling asleep in Jeanine's arms
More tummy time
Falling asleep during tummy time!

All Smiles

Bryson smiled at me tonight. His first smile. I've been waiting desperately for it. And today it came. It was charming and crooked, and oh so cute! He was nursing around 6:30 this evening while everyone else was sitting at the table finishing dinner and he and I were on the couch. He was wide awake and he stopped nursing, looked up at me, gave me a big smile and said "thanks", then he got back to eating. Well, that's what it felt like he said. "Thanks, and I love you, mama".

Ahhhhh, I needed that. I wish I had a picture of the smile. Soon enough I know.

Jeanine came this weekend from Boise to meet him, and I needed that too. Bryson has been so much better since his chiropractor appt on Wednesday, and with his RSV is almost gone, it's like I have a whole new baby. We've had a few fussy days and nights, but normal baby fussy, not inconsolible crying. He definitley has a temper - he goes from zero to all out screaming in 3 seconds flat...no rev up time, but he can be soothed and in general, he is just comfortable in his skin, something he didn't seem to be before.

So, I'm smiling a lot more too.

Jeanine enjoying time with B
Jeanine takes time off from her family to come "relax" with my 3 kids! :)

up & up

The past few days have been hard ones, but we are having improvement. Tuesday was worrisome for me because Bryson barely woke long enough to take 2-3oz of a pumped bottle before he went back to sleep. Here I've been for the past few weeks trying to get him to sleep and then I'm stressed because he's sleeping too long. But it's because the signs I've been given to watch for are "lethargic". Well he's a 5 week old. And he has RSV. So he IS lethargic. After a few calls with the ped, I trusted that he was okay. He was still getting MAD while and after he ate, and she said MAD was a good sign. So that night, I took comfort in the fact that even though he was up every hour the whole night, coughing and sniffling and not wanting to eat but wanting to eat, he was mad, and mad was a good thing.

Addie had an allergy appt on Tuesday. She did great. Her only two allergies are still milk and peanuts, but milk has gone down slightly while peanut went up, both slight differences from a year ago. It took about 5 minutes for milk to show up at all so for a few minutes there I was hopeful it would be gone. I dreamed of giving her ice cream and macaroni and cheese (healthy dreams for any mother to have for her two year old!) But then the milk hive did come and it came as big as it did a year ago but with much less redness. She hasn't had any reactions in a year to anything and her skin looks really clear. We are careful, but it is hard for me to believe she hasn't gotten a drop of any milk or peanut since we have it in the house and the rest of us eat it often. Still, he wants to be cautious and wait until August before she starts preschool to do a blood test before changing anything. So it's new EpiPens and keep doing what we are doing until the end of the summer. I'm happy with that. And what a time for him to want to introduce her to milk anyway (if he did which he doesn't), while I'm off dairy!? August it is!

(Bryson is grunting, sleeping, and pooping in the swing while I type, interesting writing background noise, that's gotta be a blowout! Oh wait, screaming...I'll be back)

Yesterday I took Bryson to the chiropractor. She is a pediatric chiropractor who was highly recommended by my friend Robin, whose opinion I trust very much. A friend Sarah who grew up in Wallowa County near me is now a chiropractor in Florida, she only treats pregnant women and babies. She is also a LLL leader. She has been telling me for a while that I should get Bryson adjusted and that 94% (94%!) of babies with colic are "cured" after being treated by a chiropractor. With the faith of these two trusted and educated moms I decided to meet with Dr. Hewitt. I wanted to discuss it before any treatment was done. When she explained that the amount of pressure that she would use on Bryson would be the equivalent to the weight of a nickel (or 5 grams), I had no hesitation.

Right away he seemed calmer than normal on her table. Meaning no screaming. But he still was doing his loud and grunty "happy" breathing, with still a lot of wheezing and coughing due to the RSV. She put one hand under his hips and one on his stomach and said that something was twisted. It didn't appear that she was even doing anything, but she said he was working it out. His legs started to shake (like when your knee bounces due to reflex)and she said that was all trapped energy he was releasing. She said that could cause a lot of tummy discomfort. Then she put her hands under his head with fingertips at the base of his neck. He looked around and she could feel a lot of tension. She just kept her fingers there and followed him around as he looked where he pleased. She said she didn't think he would let go of it today. But then he did. She was pleased as she said she was just about to give up. His arms relaxed on the table, his breathing calmed, his wheezing nearly disappeared, and he looked totally RELAXED! In a way I can't really describe. I've never seem him that relaxed since he was born. And I thought he was pretty relaxed when I laid him on the table to start. For the rest of the day he was so much calmer. I was shocked.

Last night he was cranky for bed time, and he's been wanting the pacifier again like CRAZY. During the night he was up every 2 hrs due to coughing and sneezing. BUT he NURSED AGAIN. After the chiro appt, he only took one more pumped bottle and then has nursed ever since. YAY! This is such a relief for me, because the time involved to pumped the bottle, feed it to him, dump or store the rest, wash the pump, wash the bottle, has been exhausting, eating up what little hands free time I had! And last night I didn't have to get up and pump. He just nursed and we went back to sleep. It was AWESOME! Maybe not your awesome, but MY awesome! :)

So I have to say, I'm a believer. Dr. Sarah was right. I'm glad for her push, I'm glad for Robin's recommendation, and for Dr. Elise Hewitt, who treated him and took away his discomfort. I don't know what he was feeling, but I could see in his body that something that didn't feel good was gone. She explained it all in a lot more medical terms and such, but I'm going on about 20 minutes of sleep this week so of course I can't remember! :)

Speaking of, Bryson is sleeping again (I had a 3 hr break in there where he woke, I fed, he was awake, and back to bed), Lawrence is out with the boys for beer club. I had 2 hrs out tonight too and it was also AWESOME! I needed a breather. It was good.

The photos above are of B laying there calm and relaxed on the floor last night for the FIRST TIME!!! I honestly haven't put him down in 3 weeks, unless he is sleeping or crying!

Things are on the up and up!

RSV

I've always heard that you really need to watch out for babies under 3 months getting RSV, which is why it is so important to keep them away from a cold. RSV can be life threatening, I remember knowing that.

And now, my five week old has it. I'm pissed. BUT IT IS NOT LIFE THREATENING FOR HIM RIGHT NOW. It just sucks.

He's going to be okay, his oxygen levels are 98% (with anything over 90 being normal). We got a breathing treatment at the dr's office to try to fix the wheezing, she aspirated him, getting out some mucus, etc.

He's gaining (11lbs 3oz) up almost 2 pounds in 2 weeks, he's hydrated (thanks to me pumping and bottling and then letting half of it drip down is neck day and night), and he doesn't have a fever.

But RSV! I've always known to make sure my babies don't get that. And now one has. And it'll last about another week as it runs it's course.

I'm thankful because he can and is eating, frustrating as it is for us both. He can sleep upright in the carseat, swing, bouncy, or in my arms, I can keep up my milk supply by pumping and letting him try to nurse when he can. I'm thankful because he will get better, and in a tired week this will hopefully be a blip on his "oh my when you were a baby" radar! I'm thankful that he has a healthy little full term body that can fight this virus, and he will be okay.

I'm thankful for the wonderful conversation I had this morning with my dear old friend about life, struggles, marriage, making it work, seeing the positive, appreciating the blessings, knowing how good you have it, donating organs, willing children, the wonder of non-lazy parenting, how hard it is, how great it is, failure not being an option and making it work again, getting a break, surviving loss, appreciating each other, why women rock, and how grateful we both are when we find a half hour of each others' busy lives to talk on the phone.

Thank you sweet friend for your complete understanding, I look up to you as a woman and a mother, and I'm so glad to call you my friend. A conversation with you is like a yummy drink of water for my tired soul, and I feel absolutely refreshed! (I wish you were more like a yummy cold drink of milk to go with my warm non dairy brownies - but the ice water will have to do!)

PS - Mission moving Bryson from swing to bouncy seat so I could get my first shower since THURSDAY (EWE!) was successful. I'm clean!

And now...about this RSV. YUCK! But as usual, we'll be okay. I just know it.

Whatta you crying about?

Bryson has a bad cold that started on Thursday night. Poor kid cannot catch a break. He can't nurse very well and I've been pumping and bottling since Friday. It's a lot of work and we are all so tired. I can't believe my inability to do more than one thing. Or to do even one thing. My mind is hazy as though I'm drunk, not making me very effective at anything. My mother in law left early this am and it might be the saddest I've ever been about ocmpany leaving our house. I did get 2 naps today, both of which I was holding Bryson. I'm not complaining, sleep is sleep! I'm making do. Just not finishing any thoughtful blogs I've started.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you to my friend Nancy Kules who made the new blog header as a gift to me. Isn't it lovely? It makes me happy because when I look at it in all it's creative beauty, it's MY family. Those people are mine. And they are amazing. Thank you Nancy. I love and appreciate it.

Funny story.

I sent Lawrence upstairs with Bryson to change his diaper for the umteenth time this weekend.

While I was rushing around doing little things here and there while I had my hands free for a few minutes. I overheard him say to screaming bloody murder Bryson (who had a blow out and had to get naked) in a whiney voice:

"Why are YOU screaming at ME? I'm the one cleaning up Poo!!"

In all my exhaustion I must have laughed for 15 minutes at that...keeping the humor!

In the meantime

I'm half way through a blog about B turning one month and the joys and struggles of the week, etc. etc. But I can't manage to find two hands to type with so for now, this is what I can do...In the meantime, here is a wonderful post from our photographer on her blog about our family complete with some great pics.

Enjoy!

Four weeks, getting to know you

Today Bryson is already 4 weeks old.

And I think I'm finally getting to really know him. Or the four week old him that is.

It has been 8 days that I haven't been eating any milk or milk protein, dairy, whey, etc. It has really made a difference in his fussiness. He's happy, for him. I mean maybe by someone else's standards he might not seem happy, but for him, he's happy. And now that he's my new normal, he's really happy as far as I'm concerned.

I feel like I'm finally at a point where I'm getting to know him, I know how to keep him happy, and that makes me happy.

Eating on a three hour schedule, taking gas drops right before, seems to be the key. Also, swaddling him up withing five minutes of him starting to fuss, and getting him down for a nap is also a must. If I push him longer for his nap, he really falls apart and there is screaming. If he sleeps longer and waits longer to eat, he really falls apart. He fusses when over-stimulated or bored, he likes his position to be changed often and he sometimes just wants to be put down, where he can still see you but not in your arms.

He is tracking a lot with his eyes, and it feels good to see him watch me. He smiles only in his sleep still, but I feel a real smile is coming. Soon, I hope.

His diaper rash is nearly gone, and for the first time since he was 9 days old I don't dread changing his diapers for fear of putting him in one type of pain or another. (Thank you generic Monistat 7).

I love that I'm getting to know my boy Bryson so well. He is sweet and when he's fussing or not, he is delicious. I'm really more in love with him that I was when he was born, (and definitely more than 8 days ago!) I love that I know what he needs and when he needs it. I know it's not brain surgery...but in a new baby fog, it feels like a big accomplishment.

He's still waking every 2-3 hrs at night so I haven't had more sleep, except for the one 4.5 hr stretch one night. I'm still tired. Addie has a cold. Lily is a handful, but had a great day today. Lawrence's dad goes home tomorrow, but his mom is staying through Saturday.

Poor girls, a whole blog devoted to them four weeks ago, and now...they each get a sentence that isn't even a good sentence. Lots has been going on with them, and I'll get back to them soon. Just not quite yet


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Just as I pressed 'Publish' my laptop battery died last night so this didn't get posted.
I think I jinxed myself by being all, oh, I know Bryson now and I can read him and I know how to make him happy. ha.
He screamed from midnight to 3am. He didn't take a full feeding after 10pm.
I'm a tired zombie again.
Lawrence is having the tired competition with me. He says we both didn't sleep last night, although I heard and saw him snoring the entire night. Waking up for under a minute to be annoyed at the crying and back to snore-ville.
These kids will keep you on your toes.

I am lucky though. I have my mother in law downstairs bouncing and shushing with a pumped bottle so that I can lay down and sleep, and I have Sabine who took the kids to OMSI this morning for some fun so that I can lay down and sleep.

My little guy is just having an off day. Maybe after we both have a good nap, I'll know what he needs again, because as for now, I'm at a loss...

And Addie said her ear hurts, so I guess I better call to get it looked at by the pediatrician, since it's likely infected. Yawn.

For now, I'll lay down and sleep.

On Finding the Time

How do I measure up? :)

Bryson getting malled by his sisters during a little TUMMY TIME!

Like most mama bloggers who don't get paid for it, I'm constantly getting asked, "how do you find the time?" usually by people who don't blog.

People who do blog get how you fit it in, the importance of it.

I'm actually not sure how I find the time, I just do. I don't really see that other things get cut out of my life. I do it in the evening while watching TV, I do it during my lunch break at work. And now, I don't really know when I do it. Sometimes one sentence at a time - 3 minutes at a time, taking a whole day. At first I used to like to wait to post things until things are perfect, pictures and collages just right, but life moves too fast, and if I don't blog it now, then it's gone. We are already on to the next thing. So I don't spell check, I don't usually grammar check and I don't reread my blogs until later.

I also don't play mafia wars or farm town or on FaceBook. heh.

Not that I haven't wasted a fair share of my life away on FaceBook, believe you me. I'm just staying FAR from those addictive games!

But I guess the answer is, we all have our time wasters, some things are guilty pleasures, some things are the most important must dos. So sometimes blogging is treated kind of like a guilty pleasure, another time it might be something that I do while I let my kids watch some Clifford, and another time it might mean that the dishes in my sink stay there for the night.

But I am so glad I do it. I can't tell you how many times I've read back over my blog, my babysites, or my musings, thinking, "I do not remember that, even a little." And I'm glad it's written down somewhere.

Including things from less than a month ago.

I couldn't remember anything that happened from the time I brought Bryson home from the hospital until his circumcision, it's just all a blur. Eight days of life. While it's easy to understand how one loses THOSE eight days simply because it is exhausting and overwhelming and painful, I still wondered where that time went. And then I read my blog from those days. Do I remember what else suffered on the days I took time for those blogs to be written? Nope. Should I have probably been doing something else, if not sleeping? Yep. But I'm glad that I find a few minutes during some days to write about our life. Because if I didn't there are so many little things that are lost in time and busy. And a lot of times its some of the good stuff.

Of course it's also a good way to keep every one else updated and in some ways it saves time, especially at a time of your life like this, where hours are odd and time is precious, not to answer each and every call and email that says, "how are things going?". It is a good way to update family across the country and friends down the street. It's a good way to make new friends or relate to people like you. I started blogging for some reasons and they've changed into other reasons. Other people who blog regularly really understand this.

The truth is we all find time for the things we want to do, and if that time was tallied up and someone else could see it we would all wonder how we found the time for that. We just do. And for me, blogging isn't just bloggging, it's telling the story of my family and of myself. The good, the bad, and the...mm...poopy.

But instead of spending more time telilng you about why I blog, I'm done for the day and now I must nap...

Here is a quote I found that I like a lot:

"You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experiences." ~Gordon B. Hinckley