Sunday, March 18, 2012

The power of smells and flowers and moms

Once again, still, I feel humbled by the thoughts and prayers and acts of kindness that keep coming our way.  Flowers, food, the sweetest emails I have ever read just keep flooding my in box.  My family keeps showering me with love.  It's amazing how much good comes with bad news when you are open and ready to look for it.  And honestly, I think if you were closed and had your head in the sand, you still couldn't help but be moved by all of this LOVE.  

My eye is definitely healing.  It is no longer swollen shut and we finally unbandaged part of it so I can sort of see out of my right eye, which is helping a lot with the lack of equilibrium I was feeling.  I'm also not nauseated anymore, now that I sort of have two eyes.  I had originally planned to go to work tomorrow but I think I will wait another couple of days to go into the office.  I haven't been able to look at the computer screen for more than a few minutes and I certainly don't feel like I can see well enough to navigate complex excel schedules.  My staff will have to make due without me for a few more days.  And given our annual audit is coming up in May, and I don't get a day off in April or May, I think taking advantage of this time to heal is really important, and I am going to allow it for myself.  

Addie would definitely prefer I cover my eye back up completely.  The bruising is down my check and clear to the outer edge of my eye, it looks like I have purple eyeliner drawn part way out on my temple.  And today is started to yellow.  She thinks I look totally creepy and she tells me so quite often.  She makes sure to sit on my left side as often as possible, and anytime she looks at me she covers her eye, shudders, and looks away.  Yesterday it was sort of hurting my feelings, but I realize it is kind of gross to look at and I can't blame her.  

Lawrence and his mom have been doing everything with the kids, so the time I do have with them has been just enjoying them, and what a treat that is.  They've been doing all the obligatory driving and diaper changing and teeth brushing, and I just get to sit and cuddle or play and talk, and it's just...nice.

I get my stitches out on Wednesday.  On Tuesday Lawr has his dermatologist appt scheduled with the same woman who took the original biopsy of my eye.  How about YOU, do you have YOUR appointment scheduled?  Some of the dermatologists can't get you in for a while, so make a call and get it calendared.  Put it on the list to take care of by the end of March.  Do it! Also, NO TANNING BEDS. Seriously, I don't have the energy to go retrieve and post statistics.  But I promise you, they raise your risk of getting skin cancer by a LOT.  And as someone who always said, "yeah, yeah, what doesn't cause cancer?", and who went to the tanning bed from the age of 16-27, believe me, THIS was not worth it.  And don't forget, I had the "good" kind of cancer, the "easy" to fix kind of cancer, the no-waiting-for a prognosis kind of cancer.  So exfoliate, find some self tanner, and use your sunscreen.  Or, OR, help me get in style and let's let pale be the new tan.  Pale with a dash of blue veins, that is.  

My mom came this weekend, and that was awesome.  It was healing for us us both.  I was fine and there was nothing she could "do", but she just hung around for a few days on and off, played with the kids, and sometimes you just need your mom.  I'm glad she knew that.  We didn't spend much time together talking or anything, but it felt good having her here and the kids really thought it was awesome having TWO grandmas here.  She brought me a few scarves from my friend Will's store, beecrowbee. His store smells like a mix of lemongrass, peppermint, and other general goodness that only he can create.  YUM.  Every time I breathed in the yum that was the scent of that scarf I felt soooo good.  I love the power of smell.  

I got a picture this morning of the kids with both grandmas.  They are so rarely in the same place at the same time together.  I have a favorite picture with my two grandmas during my high school graduation, the only one in existence, and my two grandmas lived in the same town for the last many years of their lives.  So I took advantage of getting a picture of the kids with TWO grandmas, I didn't end up getting one that had everyone looking at the camera and looking good.  But as I'm learning as the years pass and I have more kid pictures, that doesn't matter.  Perfection in so many areas of life is no longer a goal worth striving for.  

We have flowers in every room of the house and it is so beautiful and bright.  I was considering posting a few pictures of my eye, but when I just looked at them again, they are so monsterous, I just don't want to.  Although I do think I will do a post later marked DO NOT LOOK AT UNLESS YOU REALLY want to see, with the progression of the most monstery to the less monster to finally healing.  

And I can almost bet my ASS that you won't go to the tanning bed after you see how "easy" it is to get rid of the "good" kind of cancer.

Signing off...thanks again for all the love and beauty.  From the very bottom of my heart.  

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