How are you feeling today?

I think I feel about as good as I look.  Which isn't great, but it could be worse.  

I'm definitely not a sight for sore eyes - but I'm praising God that the cancer is gone.

If I answered every email and text I've gotten today that asks me how I'm feeling I'd have to keep my eyes open much longer than I can right now.

The surgery took about 4 hrs rather than 7, so that is a good thing.  I took an adavan (sp?) because I was so anxious I couldn't stop tearing up.  Turns out they need that area to be very dry, so my waterworks were not helping.  

After they took the first bit of skin they had me wait while they tested it.  I asked the nurse if anyone ever only has to get one cut of skin taken to get it all.  She said all the time.  I got my hopes up.

When I came back to the waiting room, which was filled by people at least twice my age, a whole couch of people stood up, and I was surprised to see my brother and Heather had come to keep Lawrence company in the waiting room.  They brought some games and there was jenga, but unfortunately I had NO depth perception, or really many social skills.  Gone were my dreams of blogging, reading, and organizing photos all day long.  Still, it was nice to have the company, even if I didn't say much. 

I was disappointed the second time I went in because they said, "It tested postitive for more cancer so we have to take more".  Boo.  I was now super annoyed at the nurse who told me that it was possible to only get one cut.  So they took more.  And it hurt A LOT more.  So many numbing shots and cauterizing, the cutting hurt the least, but it was hard not to think about how bad this was going to hurt later.

That time they had to bandage my whole eye because I was bleeding so much and they needed more pressure.  I felt very self conscious walking into the waiting room, however many of the elders in the room now joined my with a white bandage over some visible part of their body.  What did I expect at the Skin Cancer Surgery Center?  Anyway, I know I was even more anti social that time, but it was okay.

The third time they called me back with good news.  Negative, they'd gotten all the cancer.  Yay.

Now they needed to discuss the reconstruction.  They called in Lawrence since I'd had that medication, he had to sign off on it.  The doctor showed him where he would pull skin from and it turned out that he would need to cut a little more to make the scar less visible.  Lawrence signed off on the whole thing, then he did a very BAD thing.  He handed me a mirror.  I'm sure this is on over exaggeration, but there was a massive hole, that I could not unsee.  Shutter.  

The reconstruction part of the surgery actually took the longest.  There were two nurses scrubbed in and they have me a Vicadin before they started.  

After it was over, I was all bandaged up, and they sent me with a prescription to the drug store and a list of bandage type stye I needed to buy.

We dropped of the prescription and then went to get some lunch while we waited, because of the way the tape was on my jaw it was hard to open my mouth.  That's when I started getting really nauseous and the Novocain really started wearing off.  I was in pain, wanted to puke, and wanted to get home.  I ate a few bites of the chicken on my salad, took another Vicadin and went straight to bed.

My sweet Lawrence could not stop checking in on me.  It reminded me of nurses at the hospital. :)  I did get some good rest.  I came downstairs for some dinner delivered by my friend Tanya (Paleo even!)  After about 20 minutes I started to get Nasous and pain again, so I headed back to bed.

Luckily my bandaged eye finally swelled all the way shut, they told me that would happen, and it made it feel better because I stopped blinking.  Otherwise it was hurting everytime I blinked under that bandage.

After all the kids were in bed, I tried to watch a little tv last night but it really made me sick, working with one eye is not working very well for me.  I thought I would vomit, but went to bed at 9 and after laying with eyes closed for a while I was a bit better.

Today I just took my first Vicadin, as they paid just started again.  I'm supposed to shower soon and redress my stitches.  I can't believe the doctor got that large hole into a straight line of about 40 stiches that goes from my eyelid down midway down my nose.  They said both of my eyes would get black and bruised by so far my "good" eye has only a tiny bit of bruising in the corner. 

The kids have been amazing and sweet.  They each cuddled with me for their bedtime rockabye and prayers.  Bryson has been especially gentle (gentle is NOT his gig).

I'm glad to have Carol here with the kids and to help Lawrence with everything, and of course I am SO grateful to my wonderful husband who is bending over backwards to make sure I am comfortable.

He just called and urged me to turn on my Griz game (basketball) since they made the big tournament. 

It is half time, but I might put it on and just listen, watching isn't going to happen.  

I feel discombobulated and dizzy.  I'm in a little pain.  I'm so so so glad that the cancer is gone, and other than a stitches removal in a week, I'm done with this.

Sorry again for the mass update, but I've had my eyes open for my 20 minute max and it's time for more rest.  Just resting is hard for me.  I have books I want to read, stuff I want to do, but I just can't see well enough until my other eye unswells so I can unbandage.  So rest it is.  I'm sure my body appreciates it.

Forgive typos in this, I can barely see the screen well enough to read it the first time, much less re-read and re-edit, so misspelled stream of consciousness it is.  

I appreciate all of the calls and emails and texts and facebook messages.  I have never been so covered in prayer, and so so loved.  My family is blessed to have all of you in our lives.

Thank you!