So tomorrow is the day we have been waiting for/dreading. Since Lawrence lost his job in August, and then got denied unemployment benefits in September, we've been waiting for this hearing. The one that will decide whether we get unemployment benefits denied for the past 1.5 months and whether we have to also pay back the month we'd already received.
It is so hard not to think of this situation and be angry. We are talking about nearly $5000 - all for one day of working and earning $57.50. It's just ridiculous when you look at the facts. And wonder why our system incentives people not to try. Yes, that would be the easy road to go down, and we've both started down it a few times. But we've returned - I think he's gone a bit farther than I have before deciding to be grateful instead.
I am grateful to God who gave me strength and hope and faith to know that this too shall pass - for believing that there really is a plan for us, and change doesn't come easy. I am grateful for our families, who didn't have much to give to help us, but who did just enough to make the difference of sinking or not. I'm grateful to friends treating us to dinner a few times when that was just what we needed. I'm grateful to Sabine who arrived from Germany to live with us the day that Lawrence lost his job, she has been just what we needed in more ways than we could have imagined. I'm grateful for my two sweet daughters. I'm grateful for a healthy pregnancy. I'm grateful for things working out, even when they don't on paper. I'm grateful for others who are struggling and share those struggles so that I can remember just how grateful I should be. I am grateful to my friends who have prayed and comforted and loved me and us. I am grateful that through this, I was able to see very clearly, it is only a house, it is only a car, and as long as I have Lawrence & Jenny, Lily & Addie, & baby Bryson together...safe and healthy...I will be okay. I wish this was the hardest trial anyone had to go through. Compared to so many others, this is just...a bump, a hill maybe, but not something that ripped out my heart, stole my dreams.
I am grateful that no matter what happens tomorrow, that Lawrence found a new job, that he loves, that will provide for us, and where most importantly he will be happy. That he got this job by being willing to do work that wasn't ideal. That he reminded me what a great man and provider he really is. Through all of this my respect for him has grown, and so has my love and my belief in the strength of us.
I'm also not ashamed to admit that I'm proud of myself. I'm a worrier. I make mountains out of molehills. I lose sleep and I fret. That's what I do. And yet, I've felt a lot of peace and stregnth and kindness and support, more than I knew I could muster. And I wasn't faking it. I meant it. And it felt really really good.
I will let you know the outcome of the hearing tomorrow, you know after they mail it to us in 2 weeks. If you'd like, please pray for a sympathetic judge, for honestly and wise words for Lawrence, and for us to figure out a way no matter what the outcome is. This will determine how long my maternitiy leave will be for. But another thing I am grateful for is a nice and flexible boss who will allow me to work from home during the time I would have to cut it short.
And YESTERDAY was an awesome, tiring day, from which I have many photos and many stories to tell. Those will go on the never ending blog to do list...so I may get to it, may not. There are bigger fish to fry, but I'm glad for a full and crazy Saturday and a relaxing Sunday with nothing more than floor time with the girls, a nap, and a trip to Trader Joe's.
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