Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Oh the many things...

There are to blog about...but here are just 2 for today. I'm feeling a little deep...

First off, Happy Happy Birthday to my friend Carrie. The sun even came out in her honor since she is cranky and depressed during the rainy Portland winter. The bad news is that the forecast USED to be for rain all week until tomorrow, then 3 days of sun. Well now it has today being nice (for dear Carrie of course) and now the next freaking 9 days are rainy. Why, oh why, sun did you even tease us with your 60 degrees last Friday. With all that said, I'm still glad Carrie got some sunshine on her bday because she deserved it, it has been a crappy week for her and no matter where she turns she gets more bad news about something AND she pulled her neck like the "old (31-year-old) lady" that she now is while putting on a scarf this morning. Why was she wearing a scarf on a sunny day such as today, not sure. Maybe because she leaves when it is still dark out for work and she assumed since it is Portland, it would be another rainy day.

The second thing (totally unrelated to Carrie's bday) has been weighing on my mind as I search for good decisions in my family and I feel the criticism bug lurking around. It floats around friends and family, it noses in friendly warnings or unsolicited advice. It floats out of my mouth as I pat myself on the back for doing some things right. But, mostly, it's eating me up, because it's wrong and unfair.

This is for the fellow moms....

We've got to stop... Seriously we are like cannibals, eating and terrorizing our own. You know what I mean, we are so. damn. hard on each other. And it has become so second nature.

We think everyone who does not want to do things the way we do them are crazy. The new definition of "she is crazy" is : I could not do what she is doing or I do not want to do what she is doing. Do not call her crazy. It is not fair. She is not crazy for doing what you do not want to do.

And I'm talking about the biggies and the little things, like going back to work, breast feeding, having more children, having less children, hired help around the house, date nights, faith choice, tv channel choice, child care choice, public education, home school, breast feeding a longer time, breast feeding a shorter time, going on vacation without your kids, going on vacation with your kids, making time to exercise, money spent, new cars, new houses, new sweaters...I could go on and on. We can't give each other a break? Are we so insecure that we have to insanely think that other people's choices won't work for them? And that they are better or worse mother's because of it? That our way is the only way when it is barely working out for us?

As women, as mothers, we are only making it harder for us: women and mothers. And, we mustn't forget, that these same things that we ridicule other women for doing, we could find as our own methods under different circumstances. Half of it we might already have going on in our own homes and we are too arrogant to notice. So quick to point the finger at other people's shortcomings. We are. And I mean me too.

The truth is, we are all barely hanging on by a thread, and I don't care if you stay at home with one child or work outside the home with five children. We all want the same thing, to be good wives and mothers, have happy, healthy, well adjusted children, who don't have the same insecurities and worries we had as children. We are all doing the very best we know how to do. We are already too hard on ourselves as individuals, it's time to ease up on ourselves and ease up on the other women out there, the ones in our life and the ones who aren't.

The gift of friends and mothers is that we can be in this together, we can be such a resource and support system for each other, but please don't judge my choices and I will do my best not to judge yours. Your way needs to work for you, your husband, and your children, and that's all that matters. Nothing feels better than pure honesty and safety with your truths when you are struggling and you know that you aren't in it alone. (Well I guess it does feel better not to be struggling at all, but that doesn't come around quite as often). So let's remember that in our conversations and in our thoughts as we try to be a little more compassionate with each other. I encourage you as I remind myself to be kind with your judgment because everyone is fighting a hard battle.


  1. Hey Lady- What good honest words. First to honor me on my birthday ;)THANKS! But second to really speak the truth on moms and women. I'm guilty of this, wishing I had it different. Wishing others had it like me. We all have jobs stay at home or outside the home. They are all difficult and all a sacrifice for the well being and contribution to our families. People are different, families are different and our choices are too. We all do our best with the choices we are given and that's all that matters. Love to you!

  2. Deep indeed. What's been going on in your world lately?
    Motherhood is hard enough without the guilt. I agree, more support and unconditional love all around. Have a great week!

    I'll try to get my 72 hr. kit list posted for you soon. :)