Thursday, February 12, 2009

Phew, now I'm a good mom again

This week started off a little rough when Lily announced that her ear hurt on Sunday afternoon. She's never been wrong about an ear infection since she could speak (or before that). Addie had a cold and had been sleeping like crap all last week/weekend. That meant no sleep for me for several nights. So I started off this week exhausted.

I was also a little worried about where my sweet, agreeable baby had gone, I thought maybe she was starting to hit the terrible twos a little early, or she was scarred from my working too much or something because she was a bear! She was clingy all weekend, not wanting to be put down, but even being cranky WHILE I was holding her. She wouldn't go to Lawrence and was furrowing her brow (a signature move when she is unsure) at everything. She started to throw tantrums on a dime and followed me around the house crying. I was having to SNEAK to the bathroom. She didn't want to have anything to do with daddy. Even at the store, she wouldn't give the strangers marveling at her even a grin.

So Monday morning when I was calling the pediatrician at 8am while changing (wrestling) a poopy diaper off of Addie, and Lily was attempting to put on 57 layers of clothes, and banging the drawers into my shins of Addie's changing table pulling 57 layers out for her...I hit my limit.

I lost it. I yelled at Addie. She cried. I yelled at Lily. She cried. I heard the meanness in my own voice and I didn't cry, but I wanted to. I love these girls to death, yet I was tired and stressed and angry and did I mention tired. How could I speak to them this way?

The pediatrician couldn't get us in until 11, so I called Tamara to come so I could work. She did and I got about 1.5 hours in before it was time to take them. Lily was testing me (and Tamara) like crazy, Addie was whining and clingy, I was mad at myself and felt like a zombie. Lawrence could sense that I wasn't doing too well, so he met me at the dr office during his lunch hour. He only stayed for about 30 minutes, but it was nice to have him for even a short while.

Lily did a perfect job for the dr, so Addie did too, she copied exactly what her sister did, including sitting on the big chair alone. Lily had an ear infection, Addie didn't. Lily's wasn't too bad, so we decided to wait it out without giving antibiotics at our drs suggestion, and it seems to have been the right thing, since it did get better on it's own. Though Lily told me today that she liked it when her ear hurts because she likes the taste of the tylenol. So we had a big talk about all the fun stuff that you DO get to feel and taste when you aren't sick.

We had another incidence that day of Lily's "testing" in the parking lot where she refused to hold my hand, and pulled away with cars all around, so I grabbed her wrist hard to get her the rest of the way to the car, practically dragging her as she screamed to all onlookers "Ouch you are hurting me". I got them in the car, then I yelled again. Right as we got home I remembered to tell her how much I liked the way she sat for the doctor and was a good example for her sister. Phew, now I'm a good mom again. Though I didn't really feel like it for the rest of the day.

I got to work at 1, stayed late, got home after bedtime, and had a much better day on Tuesday. Lily and I got along great, with lots of respect from both of us, and heaps and heaps of patience and kindness from me. Everyone sleeping through the night on Monday night didn't hurt. I also had a few answered prayers for strength and energy. AND my sweet sweet baby returned on Tuesday. She was back to her happy self, it was so funny what a 180 she did once she was feeling better. It was like a different kid. Like my good wonderful kid. Hooray!

Work has been busy since we let our employee go on Jan 30, but the stress level is so much lower. There is a lot of time sensitive work for me to do now that I am doing 2 jobs, but other than that, it was really the right decision to let her go. I've hired someone new, who is giving her current company 2 weeks notice, so she will be starting a week from Monday. 3 more days of working from home with all pressure on me. That's the hardest part of all this. Then I have training, but I have a feeling she will be really good. Today I was slammed but I did get 30 minutes on the elliptical in downstairs gym at work for a "lunch break". It felt good and reminded me that I need to take that time on my days in the office to do that, I came back ready to work, and feeling energized.

I have some other news about an Au Pair search that we are looking well as the good funny stuff the kids say, and a few worries about money, but for tonight, I'm tired and need to sleep. I've been getting to bed to late and I'm looking rather weathered this week. Lawrence doesn't seem to notice. Tomorrow is Friday, and the weekend is welcomed with open arms. I'm feeling positive and good about life. Which is probably why I didn't feel like blogging earlier in the week.

Please keep our niece Cassidy in your prayers, she has to get surgery to have one of the tubes taken out of her ears as well as her adenoids removed. The surgery is Friday 2/13 (almost today).


  1. lol- I think Jillian might be a drug addict (for Tylenol) sometimes.. When we're getting ready for bed she reaches into the drawer by her changing table to get it and says, "Jillian sick"....pwease?" Super.

    Good luck with the ears, your sanity, and to Cassidy...

  2. Hey Lady! Let me say this in all honesty...(aside from my own mother) you are really just the best mother I have ever seen in action. A-MAZ-ING! You just remember that when you are tired.

    And of course every girl has to think that about her own Mom right? Well maybe we don't HAVE to - but I feel that since I am able to (and WANTED to) it is evidence that all that therapy did me some good.

    You keep chugging along! Much love.

  3. Oh, it's so hard being a Mom. Just remember we all make mistakes, we all lose our patience and at times we all yell. I am always amazed at how forgiving my boys are :)