Saturday, February 7, 2009

Dirty Day at the Zoo

Okay, so today was an x-rated day at the zoo but no one told us! We went today after nap time with Jeremy (Ornelas) and his daughters, Lucy and Bailee. All the pictures attached are G-rated, no naughty stuff caught on film!

I'm going to give a disclaimer that I never call animals by the proper names. The primates are monkeys, and the guys in the water are sea lions or otters. I'm not an idiot, I just don't care.

First we get to the "monk monks" (Addie wascrazy excited to see her monkeys) and right off the ones that have redish, purple butts were in full swing. Lily said, "Mom, that monkey looks like he has an apple on his tushy". It was SO red and inflamed, it was disgusting and something was really off looking. I said, "huh Lil, I'm not sure why they look like that." A kind woman next to us told Lily that when they have red behinds like that it means they want to have babies and are trying to get the boy monkey's attention".
Thanks lady, where you planning on also giving her the birds and the bees talk now?

Anyway, I guess that was the female. Then there was a male with a purple "tushy" walking around with a big old stiffy (obviously fully turned on by the apple and wanting to help her out with that wanting babies situation!) the entire time. Lucky for me Lily did not notice the big baseball bat swinging under him and only saw the purple fur and tush...and the sex talk lady wasn't around to shed any light. Phew.

THEN Lawrence and Jeremy were admiring another cute species of "monkey" when one, ahem, reached back, pooped in it's hand, turned away, ate it, then looked back at Lawrence to show the feces glob sitting on it's lower lip. Addie saw, but Lily did not (we were on an emergency run to the potty). Jeremy high tailed it out of there with his girls when he saw what was about to go down, but Lawrence sat in awe watching to get the look back. He's going to be in big trouble if Addie got any ideas!

Finally on our way out of the zoo, most of the animals were inside and it was getting cold, kind of a boring walk out...but we were lucky to catch one more thing right before we left. As is normal, you do this thing at the zoo where you are studying the water, wall, weeds, whatever...looking for the slightest movement or fur so you can see if the animal is anywhere to be found. For the last 10 minutes we had done that and saw nothing. So as I'm doing that, I see it, and I'm looking at it, but I can't really tell the position of the animal. I just stared for a few minutes as people around me laughed and walked away. There was an otter floating on his back, curled into a ball, his own pee pee. I felt like such a pervert as I realized what I'd been staring at. And I'd been staring for several minutes. Look look look then BAM, oh, OH, look away, walk away. Blush.

Lucky for me, apple tush lady was again not near to try and open Lily's mind any more about yucky otter boys doin' their thing!


  1. OMG. This is hilarious. I'm so sad we couldn't make it now! Funny animal stories are awesome. But at least I have new breaks right?

  2. Wow, that was quite a day at the zoo! The monkey business I've heard off before, even the eating of poop, but the otter thing really threw me for a loop :)

  3. Yes, me too! To say the least!

  4. You have another contender for the funniest parenting blog entry!!!
    It reminds me of the time we went to the zoo when Matt was about 3 and he saw the male elephant letting it all hang out.
    Boy, was Matt impressed, and let everyone within earshot know about it.

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