It's been crazy...

I think about this blog 2-3 times a week.  I haven't blogged since school started and it's Christmas break, and just because I don't write them down…I still think them up.  Then they are gone and it makes me sad that I don't find/make/have the time.  

I hear myself say to my friends, to the ones who work, to the ones who don't, heck, I even say it to myself.  "This has been a crazy week!"  This week school started.  This week soccer started.  This week Bryson started preschool.  This week is my first week without a nanny in 6 years.  This week we have the warrior dash.  This week I'm getting ready to go on vacation.  This week I'm recovering from vacation.  This week is quarterly close.  This week is Lily's slumber party.  This week I'm volunteering at school.  This week I'm recovering from being gone volunteering at school.  This week I'm in charge of mapping our old 401(k) plan to our new 401(k) plan, balance by balance, fund by fund, ticker symbol by ticker symbol.  This week I have school conferences. This week is Halloween.  This week I go to Seattle for Women of Faith.  This week is my birthday.  This week the sister of my best childhood fried died.  This week the kids have 3 days off school.  This week is family pictures rescheduled  and I need to pick out outfits, and convince my family that we are taking family pictures and they better enjoy it, or at least look like they are enjoying it.  This week I have auditors.  This week I was so very thankful for this life.  This week I need to find a costume for TV Bunco.  This week we get to watch the Griz / Cat game.  This week is Thanksgiving.  This week my co-worker and one of my staff are out.  This week is my week to volunteer at school.  This week I was sick all week.  This week I was sick again.  This week Lily had a science fair.  This week my baby boy turns 4.  

Those have been my weeks for the past 3+ months.  

It's been crazy.  

Every single week, every single day, life is crazy.  And I hate hearing myself even say that.  I think I might have been saying it for the past, oh, 5 years, maybe longer.  

I am forever living in a state of apology and I hate it.  I'm also living and looking for an escape.  Like if I could just get through this one hard time life would be easy again.  Life would be balanced and I would be able to catch all the balls in the air.  

ha.  HA!

I've been putting a pen to paper and recording the things I am thankful for.  What started with picking up a book that was recommended to me and with 30 days of Facebook thanks, it's changing for my heart.  

Be where you are.  That was the motto for this year, and I have not been very successful.  I can't shut down the endless ways that the crazy in my life.  

And this has been a relatively uneventful year.  

I'm sorry, and I'm grateful, and I'm tired, and I stay up too late, and I go on FaceBook to often, and I'm constantly striving, and I beat myself up far too often, and I'm a grumpy distracted mom, and I'm thankful, and I'm so very love, and I talk to God and He reminds me that I am covered under Grace, that nothing I could do could make him love me any more or less than He already does.  And all is well again in the world.  

And then the next hour starts.  

And it's crazy again.  

And I remind myself that life is full.  

Abundantly full.  

Now I hit post rather than go back and edit myself.  Raw, true, honest.  Recorded.