3 months

Today was a great and wonderful day. I wanted to write a big long post about it all, as well as an update on my THREE month old, complete with pictures. Unfortunately it is almost midnight and the goodness of the day took up all my time to write a good blog. Oh, I hate it when that happens! :) I spent the early morning with Bryson, then the late morning with Addie (out at Michael's picking a few special crafts for her and I to do together), then the afternoon skiing with Lawrence and Lily on Mt Hood, then the evening riding home with Lawrence, getting to talk with Lily asleep in the back. Sabine had an easy time with Addie and Bryson today, for bedtime and everything, and daylight savings Sunday has just been a really great day for me.

I just read that someone very dear to me is not having a good day, she is, in fact, struggling very much. It breaks my heart for her, and I want to take away pain that I can't take away. No one can. I feel so hurt for her that I almost didn't want to post about my lovely day. But then, I know she wouldn't want that either. She doesn't want others to feel down with her, she just wants herself to feel BETTER. I know she can get there. I know she can do it. She has endured so much more than her kind heart should have to endure. You know who you are, my friend, and I am here for you and will do anything I can...I want you to know that you matter to me. You matter very much.

I had to say that before I got on with my post because her troubles are really weighing on my heart.

I really logged on to my laptop to talk about:
My little Bryson is three months old today. And he is amazing. I think back to 6 weeks ago when I took him to the baby chiropractor and how that helped and changed him from an unhappy fussy baby to the baby I have now. He's huge, and happy, and smiley, and just a pleasure to be around. Except OH MY ACHIN' BACK. Seriously the kid is huge. He has been sleeping really great, and doing long stretches at night. He eats about every 2.5-3 hrs during the day, 5-6oz or so at a feeding, and takes 45 minute naps. He can't stay awake longer than an hour and 15 minutes, so he take a lot of naps a day still. But after 7 pm, he seems to know it is bed time and sleeps until 10-11 when I wake him for a dream feed, he then sleeps until...(other moms with babies older than him don't kill me)...5-6 (and today with the time change 7:20!!!).

I'm still nursing but have been struggling a bit with milk supply. When I pump, sometimes I get 3-4oz and he will eat 6oz. I was pumping and mixing in a bit of formula to supplement him, but that was kind of exhausting and sometimes he would eat a little less and I'd be mad that the exact amount of formula I'd added was how much he didn't eat. Anyway, then I tried giving him straight formula after nursing to see if he was still hungry. But he doesn't like formula by itself. And again that was more work. So NOW I know which two feedings I have much less milk than what he drinks, I pump and bottle those two feedings, and I give him ONE 6oz bottle of formula for his dream feed at 10-11pm. Since he is asleep, he takes it without problem. That also means I don't have to smell soy formula spit up. UGh. So I know this seems like a lot of boring information, but I'm mostly just documenting it for myself and his baby book anyway. What? You think this is a place for interesting information. Look elsewhere! haha. So after the dream feed, I pump and that milk, I either freeze for my going back to work time, or use it to supplement the two pumped bottles the following day. Yeah, it sounds like a disaster when I say it out loud, but like most of my madness, there is a method...and it's working...he's growing and I'm getting some sleep and still breast feeding. Right about now, those are the three most important things for me.

I'm still dairy free, and I think I could probably add dairy back into my diet but have decided to wait until 4 months to try because he is doing so well, why rock the boat. Nursing with him has been the most challenging of the 3, I think because of him getting the RSV at 5 weeks and all the pumping and bottling that went on then, it just affected my milk supply as well as his nursing. He acts like he is choking EVERY SINGLE TIME he starts nursing. I know my let down is really strong, but he just acts like he cannot handle it but coughing and burping and choking and crying. He's really kind of a drama king about it, I mean, dude, it's just milk spraying in your face, up your nose, and down your throat, deal with it!!! :) Anyway, all the pumping and formula and weirdness of schedule has come down to a daily routine that is working for both of us.

I start back to work tomorrow half time from home for that week. Then back to the office 3 days a week and from home for 2 days as my normal schedule. I am dreading it. There has been a pit in my stomach each time I think of it. But since I don't have to "start" until 1:30 tomorrow afternoon to get my 4 hrs in for tomorrow, I refused to feel like today was the Sunday before I return to work. I will not be discontented. I will be grateful for a job that lets me ease in this way and for a boss who will allow my working from home time to continue.

Oh, but I love the lazy days with my Bryson. The foggy, wear pjs half the day, and work out clothes the other half days. The put my hair in a pony and change my pj bottoms to jeans and wala, I'm dressed for the day days. The laying and snuggling and napping and loving on him days. The I get smiled at every time I speak days!

I'm so thankful to have had Sabine here to be with the girls during these days. Bryson surely would have gotton lost in their shuffle had it not been for the time she devoted to them, so I could really get to know my little man. This is especially true since Lawrence wasn't able to take time off from his new job. I will be forever thankful that we decided to go out on a limb and get an au pair from Germany, and hold our breath that it wouldn't be terrible. And it isn't, it's wonderful and now she's an important part of our family. As the years go on and we have other au pairs, when I think of this special time when 4 became 5, I will think of her, and how much she contributed to my happiness and peace with my little guy during this time. Even though they NEVER seem to give her an easy time at the same time, both girls love and adore her too. She is their family and they love her very much. So thank you Bean-Bean for your 7 months (today!) with us, and especially thank you for making the last 3 months so much easier for me, and for being so nice to be at home with during my maternity leave.

Okay, I think I've covered all my bases here, minus the short and sweet entry, heh, and minus the 3 month photo and ski photos, and minus the coherent thought flow. But I got some of the important stuff I wanted to say. And for a good day like today (uh, yesterday since it is now 12:24am) that will just have to do!