7/1/2007 - (5 days after Addie's due date)
I guess we aren't having a June baby. Today is Addie's last chance to come on her own, otherwise we're giving her some help tomorrow starting at 6am!
I didn't sleep much at all last night, maybe from 2-5am, then Lawrence and my mom tried to let me sleep this morning, but I couldn't. So I finally got up. Last night I was having a lot of pain and movement, but no contractions, this morning I woke up with contractions that are pretty strong. So this is my bodies last try to get Addie out all on it's own.
Today my mom is leaving and we are going on a picnic at a new park with Lily, something special for the three of us, enjoying our last day of this family of three. That's another thing I have been so emotional about, in gaining everything that comes with adding Addie to our family, we are also losing something that has been very dear to us for the last three years. Again, it's not a bad loss, it's a happy loss. But it's still okay to mourn it a little. Especially for a hormonal, sleep deprived, crazy pregnant lady with a misbehaving terrible two running amok!
Of course we didn't finish everything we wanted to yesterday, so there are a bunch of minor errands to do today, and lists to make to do in the next few weeks so things like bills and license plates and credit card adjustments don't slip through the cracks. If anything does, it won't be the end of the world, but it made me uneasy and unsleepy last night thinking of it all, so at least if I have it written down somewhere to come back to when I can, it will help me relax I think.
I will write more later, but for now, if I'm not sleeping, I want to go down to have bfast with my family, and spend a little more time with my mom.
We will take Lily to Josh and Shawna's around 5, BBQ there, and then leave early enough to wrap things up and home and get to bed early. We have to be at the hospital at 5am, leaving here around 4:40am, so I need to make sure and get some rest. I'm mad at my brain for not letting my body take advantage of my last morning to sleep in for months. I'm not surprised tho, that's just the way it is. I'll get a good nap today though. More later...
Thank you all for your warm wishes and prayers. I can't tell you how much it means to us. Everything is done and ready to go. I'm getting ready for bed and hoping to get a good night of sleep. Lily was so excited to spend the night at Rachel's she didn't care when we left. I cried like a baby as I said good bye to my only child. She just looked at me with her big beautiful brown eyes and made me weep. I love her so deeply I can't imagine being a whole person if she wasn't born into my life. I am so blessed. While praying for/with me tonight, my friend Jeanine thanked God that He trusts us with the gifts that children are. I wept thinking of how truly thankful I am. Thank you God for trusting me to be a mother, it is an honor, and I can't believe I am about to be able to do it again. When you look at this miracle in that light, nothing else matters, no fears, no disappointments, no selfish worries. I get to be a mom again tomorrow and I can't wait.
Again, my heart is overflowing with love for all of the amazing people in my life. Thank you. Please continue to keep my family in your prayers tomorrow, and be thankful for your own family.
I'd also like to thank my mom, who had to leave today, without meeting Addie. Thank you, mom, for putting up with my moodiness, and for doing so much around our house to help out, inside and out, while also giving us our space, and for making Lily's week so enjoyable. She had a blast with you. We love you so much!
We love you all!
Jenny, Lawrence, Lily, & Addie