Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve 2008

I'm waiting for Santa...

I'm sitting here on my laptop, feeling blessed and excited, getting ready to go fill stockings. Lawrence's went out to pick up my brother from the Amtrak station (his "train" which ended up being a bus is almost 3 hrs late, for ride that is supposed to be under 2 hrs). Lily was in her room at 6:55 and asleep by 7:15. I've never seen her help clean up faster (we can't have Santa coming in to a messy house OR a messy room), get her jammies on, brush her teeth or be generally as quick as she was tonight. She told me "Ha, Daddy came in to help me with my jammies but (pause and arms out to the side) I was already in my jammies, no dilly dally tonight". She actually said NO DILLY DALLY. HA.

For some reason Addie had a rougher time falling asleep and I've heard her unsettled a few more times, so I think I may go give her a bit of tylenol for her last 2 poor eye teeth that should be in in the next day or two.

The uncertainty of whether we made the right decision not going to Joseph has been eating at me. Lawrence got a call at 5am to say that he didn't have to come to work today and that his office would be closed. Then the roads did not look terrible, and it rained much of the afternoon. On facebook, friend after friend updates their status with how the trip to Joseph was. Bad, but everyone keeps MAKING IT. And now they are there, and so is my mom, and I'm not. The good thing is that today was a relaxing stress free day. The house is clean, Lily and I decorated a Safeway lot tree we bought, presents are wrapped and under it, and I have no uneasy feeling about where things are to get ready for bed time, stockings filled, or stressful family long distance bad roads driving. Getting to be home with the girls today without working was lovely. I've been feeling lately that I would just be a terrible stay at home mom, and have even been feeling that I'm kind of a terrible mom in general. I realized today just how much of that is due to the stress that work puts on me. How I'm not really present for them like I want to be and the internal struggle that is going on. You know between trying to make a home, and keep a home! ;)

We are *considering* going to Joseph on Friday morning since the temperature is supposed to get up to 50 and a major break in the weather. We'll see. It would be fun to see my mom and friends. And we might just hijack my brother to come too, though I don't know if he'll go for that. My mom got a stunning new haircut today and had it colored FOR THE FIRST TIME! In her life! It's reddish and beautiful and she has an appt for 6 weeks already. Her co worker and friend Sheryl raved and raved about it today when I called the office.

I better go get to these stockings. I love Christmas Eve. I might love it more than Christmas. I love the anticipation and the preparation. I love the excitement. I loved it as a kid and I LOVE it as an parent. Looking over at a beautiful tree that I decorated with my daughter, filled with lovely presents under. We did not over do it this year. And due to the weather (and a few other issues) 2 of the smaller things I'd gotten for Lawrence from each girl isn't there. Oh, well. Santa will come through with the sticker maker, 3D sidewalk chalk, cabbage patch doll, and matching purses. Stockings will be full. No sled. Full life.

Lily left a note for Santa that said (written by me, dictated by her), "Dear Santa, can you please put your plate on the counter when you're done and can you please not break my special special plate. Love Lily"

As we were headed up to her room, she also told Lawrence, 'Daddy, DO NOT eat the cookie for Santa, if you want a cookie, get it from over there, do NOT eat Santa's cookie and I'm really not kidding".
HA! Who knows her daddy too well?

She has no idea that Uncle Matt is coming so what delightful news that will be for her in the morning. My heart leaps for the excitement that tomorrow brings for her.

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