"Mama will you sit down with us?" "Mama come down on the floor with me" "Mama can we cuddle?"Yes, in a minute honey. I do have every intention of it only being a minute. But by the end of the day I have Cats in the Cradle (the Ugly Kid Joe version) in my head and feel like a terrible liar. I think back to the few times I was actually present the way I want to be, they way it feels good to be, and there are few. So I cram it in right before bedtime, giving them reason not to want to go to bed because it feels so wonderful to them. I do intend to sit, but while they are eating and Addie is strapped in, I can get stuff done in the kitchen. While they are playing nicely on the floor, I can go switch the laundry on my way back from getting a "picnic blanket' for our 'picnic'. AND in the rush of the morning when everyone is late and me getting ready will consist of brushing my teeth, putting on some eyeliner, and throwing my hair in a pony....Where oh where do I find the time to stop and "cuddle" and read a few books? Can we cuddle and read at the the table while you eat your breakfast and I'll just warm up yesterdays coffee add a buttload of creamer and pretend not to notice? Well that's what we do.
I do it, but I'm so half a$$, in my mind, counting down the minutes to get the other stuff done. I hate myself for admitting that, and I don't always feel that way, but I'm late, and it's not fair but they are the only ones who I can make wait. Most days I do get a rushed book in, or scarf down a cup of coffee as they finish their breakfast, or sit down for 10 seconds before one of them distracts me and I need to go get water/tissue/who knows what. Then I'm up and seeing things to do all over the place. Oh praying that my freshly washed - gone to bed wet hair from last night will lay down smooth and shiny without a flat iron.
I am aware that nothing is more important than spending time with them. Than cherishing this every moment. Sure you can say "leave the laundry, the dishes, the sweeping", trust me, I'm leaving a lot and talking BARE MINIMUM here, but you can't really leave filth, not with a baby who puts everything in her mouth and is allergic to milk. You can't not have clean laundry. You can't be late for work, and after sleepless nights, you can't wake up earlier or go to bed later. So instead you lie to your child day after day, as they first patiently, then impatiently, then whiney voice...."Maaaaaaammmmmmaaaaa"?
Oh how I love them...
And I will be there for them. In just a minute.