But I want that hand

Something happened to today.  

I left work a little early to go meet Lily's new teacher at the big drop off your school supplies and ice cream social extravaganza.  

As we got out of the car, I had Addie's hand, and I reached for Lily's and...

She. Pulled. Away.  

Dagger to my heart, I was a little stunned but I understood...and I kept walking.  

I know other kids don't want their mom to hold their hand.  I know I didn't as a third grader.  But this is my little girl and of course she will never be like that.  

Later it happened again walking to the playground.  I didn't want to hold her hand for safety.  It's just, what we do, when we walk together.  I reached more out of absent-mindedness than anything else, but she didn't want to.  I told her sorry, for trying a second time.  (No means no, mom!)  She just looked at me with the tight lipped stare-me-down look she gets when I'm embarrassing her.  I asked her if she would still let me kiss her goodbye, and she said yes.  I asked her if she ever wanted to hold my hand.  

She said yes.  

Just not at school.