I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. An itty bitty teeny tiny light. But a light nonetheless. On Tuesday, I felt like I wanted to blog for the first time in a very long time, that's a good thing, right?
So 16 months, as the header, that's Bryson's age today, if you didn't know.
I'm almost ready to say 1.5 years instead of just one. I can't believe it . He has like 6 teeth coming in and is a drooley snotty monster who eats all of our perfectly cared for board books. A monster who says "I love you" and gives real kisses now, but a monster nonetheless. His love for Mickey Mouse has gotten stronger, and Gma helped that out by bringing him a MM that is the same size as him. We put an Elmo diaper on Mickey yesterday and I think the kid almost exploded. We are in the stage of throw yourself on the floor tantrums. Unlike the big sisters before him, it doesn't infuriate me when he does it. I often have to turn away to hide my laughter. He's been taking great delight in eating yogurt, closing his eyes and really enjoying it as you shovel it in. FUNNY. His vocab has expanded exponentially in the last month, there isn't a word you can say that he doesn't repeat. Today the kids and Julia skyped with Bean-Bean and so Sabine got to hear him SAY Bean-Bean for the first time. How lovely! :) He said Uncle Matt to Uncle Matt the other day too. Skyping is NOT easy with the little guy who sees numerous buttons to push and is NOT okay with the fact that they are not there for his pounding, but Julia discovered that the high chair is the perfect place for him to skype! :) Little guy also got his first black eye this month, running with a cash register in his arms over a pile of pillows.
Lily is playing Tball and really loves it. She is quite good too. You know, for Tball. Lawrence is coaching and the two of them have really enjoyed some special bonding and growing together. Her bangs are grown out now, and she got her ears pierced with her Grandma. She has taken VERY good care of them, and still cleans them twice a day. I was a little bit disappointed to miss the big event (they did it while I was at work) but I was thrilled that Julia got a video, and my cousin, Rose reminded me that while I didn't share that memory with her, she will have that special memory with her Grandma Carol and wouldn't I have loved to have that with my Grandmother. So true. Lily is growing up so fast and is becoming more and more of a beautiful and mature young lady. She is a DELIGHT to spend time with, and is such a big helper around the house. When she found out about Addie's allergy test she picked her up and carried her around the house. She was so excited that LILY might as well have been the one who might get the chance to taste Ice Cream for the first time. It was so sweet. Here is the video of her ears:
I went to a women's retreat with my church to Cannon Beach last weekend and it was amazing. I was reminded AGAIN, how much God loves me, no matter where I am at in my life, no matter what I am struggling with, no matter. I don't have to do anything to get this love, I don't deserve it, I don't have to work for it, it just is. It's hard to wrap my brain around that, and I can only imagine a sliver glimpse of it through the love from my mother and the love I have for my kids. I went for a run on the beach and it was just amazing. The waves, Haystack rock, the music in my headphones, God's love surrounding me, the majesty of the oceans. I wish I could start every single day that way. Except for my old aching knees. Seriously, my knees think they are 90. I have been working out since Feb 1. I started with a 30 day Shred, and have continued with other Jillian Michael's workout videos mostly, we are an accountability group of about 7. We started off as a group of about 20, but there are still 7 of us working out every day with scheduled days off, checking in with each other. It is an eclectic group of strong women in my life and I'm grateful for it. Lawrence and I ran a 5K with a college friend a few weeks ago when his mom was here visiting. It was really good, I ran the whole way finished in 33ish minutes, a 10:55 mile pace which surpassed my goal of not walking and finishing under 40 minutes! :) A great accomplishment.
Work has been unbearable, so my wonderful husband, my beautiful kids, a few friends, exercise, God, and faith that things will get easier one way or another has been getting me through each day.
I want to come here more. I want to feel like blogging. I want to feel like writing and documenting the feelings that I have. But that's not where I've been, that's not what I felt like. So for now, I will come here when I can, when I feel like it. Share what I want to, and not feel guilty for missing the past 5 months of stuff I've missed. I'm learning a lot about myself, how much I can handle, and letting myself off the hook when I need to. I really celebrated a good day on Tuesday. In fact, this week has been the week first in 75 days when I won't meet the workout goals that I set in front of myself for the week, that I "only" workout 3 days this week, instead of 5. As I took a long hard look at what motivates me, I realized that might mean I'm doing better, I've been clinging to exercise and the daily endorphins it brings like a life preserver. It is something I can control and improve when everything else seemed to be unmanageable. So does that mean not working out and eating 77 individually mini pastel wrapped Reeses Peanut Butter Cups is a good thing? SURE! That's what I'm going to tell myself anyway...
Make my world go 'round