Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Yes, I'm still here. Yes I do realize how long it has been since I've written a blog. Things are. Hard. Busy. Good.
It's been a matter of priority and survival lately. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but that's how I feel.
Christmas was awesome, my mom came, it was wonderful. New Year's Eve was fun too. We had a game night with our friends and then a family sleep over.
I have a million and ten pictures from the last month.
But I'm depleted, I'm empty, blah. I'm not freaking out over the impossible cart of responsibilities in front of me. Instead I just feel blah. Honestly, I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I've made the comment to a few friends that I actually kind of prefer the blahness that I've been feeling because it is SO much better than the frazzley stressed out anxiety feeling.
Work is hard. Home is hard. Kids are hard. Marriage is hard. All of it is good and worth it and bring blessings upon blessing. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, because I do love it. I know that sounds like a typical canned response, but it's not. However, it's hard not to get lost in the day to day duties, and if I am able to get up for some air, a quick refresh button. It lasts for such a short amount of time. My flame is extinguished so quickly. Every action seems to have a consequence and I go days at a time wondering if I did anything right. Wondering if I made a difference at all, or if I'm just existing to make it through the workload of another day.
And yet, life IS good.
Sometimes, you just aren't inspired to write about it or document it. Or when you are, you don't have the time or the energy to make it a priority.
I've been really trying to stay off the computer at home. This leads to no pictures and no blogs.
That's where I'm at.
The good news is I do have a few VERY organized friends who just posted on their fall and HALLOWEEN. Thank you friends, you make me feel like I'm ahead of the game. That there is hope that I can back in to this thing.
I don't know what I need to get out of my funk, but maybe you could write a comment, tell me a funny story, or maybe you could remind me of something I'm doing right. Because I left a picture of myself on my blog for a month. A hilarious picture where my glasses are bigger than my face. And I got four comments. LOTS of emails asking where my blog was, lots of mentions of missing blog posts. But it's hard to remember that anyone even reads, notices, or cares. Until I stop writing, then I get an overwhelming number of reminders of something else I'm falling short on. And that kind of sucks. Can you see why?
I've debated even posting this. Worried that I won't get back to this for another month, and worried that this will be the post left here. Worried that someone who emailed me about why I haven't blogged would be insulted or think that I was upset with them. To get four comments about a blog that was and 47 emails about a blog that wasn't - isn't very motivating. It wasn't anyone in particular who mentioned it. I know most of you emailed me out of worry for me, not worry for my blog, knowing that I've never gone so long with out blogging.
Sometimes when I feel blocked, blah, disconnected, like I'm unraveling, writing helps. So I'm giving that a try.
To ensure that it sticks, that funny story or encouraging word would be really great right about now.
I've kicked off the good juices with this picture of Bryson's hand...(thanks Christina Gilchrist for sending it to me!)