Monday, October 11, 2010
Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Huh. I'm feeling very aware, and very sad.
Last night my friend, my co-worker, left this world after losing a hearty battle with breast cancer.
Julie has written about her battle and journey that started in 2007 when she found a lump. Since then she's had 2 recurrences. The third time it was terminal.
Julie taught me a lot about cancer. She was very scientific and well educated on the topic, having lost several of the important women in her life to the disease. She was a smart and well-read woman with a great sense of humor. She has been a real inspiration for me. She knew how to fight, and fight with a smile. She was a stone. She reminded me to *always* encourage my daughters to dance any where, any time they wanted.
I kept trying to write Julie one final letter. But I couldn't find the words. I commented on her blog nearly every post, in lieu of writing this letter. Usually I couldn't find the words then either. But I couldn't say nothing either. Just like now. I don't want to write this post. I don't want this to be true, and I don't know how to give words to it. I just want to stop writing and go to sleep. I guess that's the kind of heart wrenching grief this causes. Tired grief. And at the same time, after the last few weeks when the quality of who she is was gone, we'd all just been waiting. So there is also a sigh of relief, that it is over for her. There have been a few weeks to grieve, only 2 months since they stopped the chemo. But my heart breaks for her husband, Brian who is left with a giant hole in his life. In March found out that the tumors in her liver had metastasized, she was canceling her May birthday trip to Thailand to start chemo again, and yesterday she is gone.
I'm sad, I'm tired, I have so much more to say, but I don't know how to say it. I don't know what to say. Good bye dear friend. You will be missed. And always admired.