Saturday, June 20, 2009

God's Love

Last night I got Lily up to go to the bathroom around 11pm. We don't take her any more usually but since Lawrence wasn't home, I thought it would certainly be the night she'd pee the bed and I'd have to get up and deal with it alone, in my afraid-of-the-dark-ness, so I took her. As I walked in, I looked at her angelic sleeping face and all I could think is, MAN I LOVE HER. I kissed the softest cheek, and a rush of love along with a pang of guilt came over me at the battles of wills we'd had just before her bed time. Oh, I love her. I wish she knew how much, how I'd love to never use a harsh word or have to correct her. How I only want the best for her, and how I want to be the best me for her. I woke her to walk to the bathroom, since she is quite heavy to carry now. I rubbed her back I told her I loved her while she went and she lifted her arms for me to carry on the way back, so I did. She patted my back, asleep on my shoulder, telling me she loved me too, without talking. I wanted to crawl in her bed and hold her tight, so she'd feel the presence of my love.

Today we had a good day, still she tested, but I stayed firm, yet kind, and she responded well. I remembered to show her extra love and some obvious joy as I spend time with her. We scrapbooked during Addie's nap, and she really loved it.

While we worked together on our scrapbooks, I had a thought.

God watches me do good things and bad, each day, all day long. Just like I watch Lily. At some moments he watches me be loving and kind and generous, at others he watches me be selfish and bitter and angry. At the end of a good day or a bad one, when I am sleeping, he watches me. And you know what?

He thinks, MAN I LOVE HER.

He wishes I knew how much, and he gave me Lily so that I could get a tiny itsy bitsy glimpse of just how much, and to scratch the surface of the possibilities of unconditional love. To know that, is to be blessed.


  1. So So So So inspiring! Thank you for this post! I need to remember this more often! WE get so busy and forget that we are parents and they are just children wanting to be loved and cherished!!!! Love you and I am so happy about your post before this! Congratulations! At least someone I know is getting prego! Love it! I really am soooo happy for you!

  2. Jenny Jenny Jenny.

    Wow. You know, this brought tears to my eyes and chills to my arms. I had a moment like this with Alex this weekend and I just love you for writing this. It's so easy to get caught up in life or caught up in the demands of our youngest or the challenges of our oldests to really sit down, and appreciate them and ourselves. What a blessed life that 3rd little person will have with a mommy like you. Loves to you dear friend.

  3. Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. It's beautiful.