Thursday, March 26, 2009

What I did today

Have I really reduced my blogging to what I did today? I hope not. Well maybe. If I try to think about all the interesting things I have to write about, I just get overwhelmed and don't write. I have a list a mile long of great things the kids are doing, and about the au pair interviews I've been doing and deep thoughts of marriage and friendship and sacrafice. But I won't write about those things. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. So here's what's new.

The last couple of weeks I have been very dedicated to working out and eating well. I have less than 10 more pounds to lose before I will feel really good (not to mention have a whole new know...the one already in my closet). The problem is, I now SEE why I hadn't been getting to it. Here I was, back in January, thinking that I was so lazy for not eating right and working out. Thinking that my "baby" is turning two in 3 months and I'm still hangin' on to 25 lbs of extra "baby" weight.

The truth is. I don't know how people do this. The gym that is. I can give up ice cream and beer and junk food. I can walk occassionally, and do a few 20 minute power sessions on the bike during my lunch hour. But after gyming it for 2 weeks, every day, I feel great, I'm looking great. BUT it takes up the entire evening. This is my schedule every day for two weeks.

Get home from work - 6pm
Eat dinner (usually by myself, standing and playing with the kids because the rest of the family has already eaten)
Change into work out clothes
Play with the girls - read books, settling down time
Put Addie to bed
Play with Lily
Put Lily to bed (from the first step to here I'm lucky if I have an hour!)
Kiss Lawrence hello and goodbye
Go to the Gym for an hour plus 15 minutes each way commute time (unless I'm in the garage then I get back that half hour)
Come home
Blow dry
Computer, Unwind
Everyone is asleep but me...and here is is 12:02AM. Why the heck am I doing blogging? I don't know.

What I do know is I feel better than I have in a long time, but I haven't talked to Lawrence for 2 weeks! YIKES. Sure we talk on the phone and chat during kid time, but that's it. He is so supportive of my going to the gym. I guess he likes a firm caboose. But whatever, I can't imagine this being a long term thing. A "lifestyle" change. The way it needs to be to have a healthy life. I haven't done a dish all week or cooked a meal (oh I know, poor me). I'm just pointing out, again, that this would never fly as a "lifestyle" change.

The reason I'm going to the gym is because I went "try" 24 hour fitness where my friend Carrie goes. We were going to be work out buddies for 2 weeks to get a jump start. I called and they gave me 14 days free. I have a gym on the second floor of my building at work, so I won't pay for a membership. We also have a treadmill and bowflex in the garage, so again, not forking over $50 a month to 24HR.

I am jump started, so mission accomplished. I'm fine, I'm happy with my results, and I have another week to go. I've been sticking to it. Even before I did this I was doing the garage and lunch hour work outs for a while, really sticking to it, those are a little more sustainable than the actual gym, but still. I guess I just feel a little discouraged about how hard this will actually be, long term. It's something I really want but it takes SO.MUCH.TIME. And energy. No wonder it isn't possible while breast feeding. I'm sorry, but it's just NOT.

And then the idea of a someday 3rd baby and the associated baby weight. Ick. Do it all again? Can I? Yes. Will I? Yes. Ick? Yes.

Because as much as I pretend that I'm gonna be that girl, the one at the gym on the elliptical who is 8 month pg who is really "all belly". Who stuck with it through her whole pregnancy. I'm not. I lie and tell myself, next time, but no, that's just not true. Fatigue and nausea sets in and then 8 months later I've gone on 3 walks, 5 fitness classes and I'm +45 lbs. That's the truth. So I guess I'll just be glad for getting back in shape in between. Enjoy fitting into clothes until we make the next leap. And when we do, I'll be grateful if I am blessed someday with another pregnancy. And I'll remember to be thankful that I get to carry a baby to term, and then, *sigh* even remember that the +45 and the ability to then lose that 2 years later is yet another gift.

A very HEAVY gift that always feels likes it's wrapped a little too tight...

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