Bryson Nathaniel (12 photos), by JENNY HERMAN

Few more photos
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Today is the day

I'm at the hospital. My water is broken. Today is the day Bryson is coming.

I just had to call my office and get help setting up wireless internet at the hospital.

That was nice. We skyped to make sure we could skype with the kids. Thankfully Sean (my work IT guy) could help me, I told him I wasn't hooking up video, but Lawrence told him that I looked beautiful. I love Lawrence. He was so cute writing "Bryson Nathaniel 12/14/09" on the white board in his terrible handwriting. Cutely erasing every "mistake".

Okay, contractions are getting strong and I need to go. No epidural yet, they said it would take about 20 minutes after I asked to get that.

Pray for Bryson's safe delivery and my strength. His heartbeat is strong and he is very active. Lawrence and Robin Rose are both here and ready to give me support.

Don't mind if I do...

So... I think I'm gonna win a new computer, thanks to MckMama! :) Don't mind if I do...here is the link...

Here

And to those of you on the edge of your seats, saying Jenny, you can't post a blog about a computer giveaway and then no pregnancy update. But there is no pregnancy update. Contracting, uncomfortable, and that's about it. Kick kick kick, his limbs coming out of my body while my skin stretches to the max trying to contain it all.

I did a lot of plate unloading at work today which felt good. This may be my last week going into the office, might try to work from home until the big day comes. I haven't told anyone that yet, but that is my plan. We'll see. Employee reviews done. CHECK. Why does it always make me feel so nervous? Like I'm the one getting the review!

Addie was up every half an hour last night and I felt like I wanted to die this morning. SO. TIRED. There wasn't enough coffee in the world, and believe me, I know, I tried. Yep. Hey, I have a fully cooked baby in there, don't judge me!

You know, 5 minutes before the baby arrives does not seem like the right time to have Addie start sleeping in our bed for the first time in her 2.5 year old life. Or waking every 30. She cried and cried from dinner time on. I have no idea what is up, she's usually so good at saying why she is upset, but she was acting like her feelings were hurt. In the middle of the night. Did I mention every 30 minutes?

It was freezing in their room, I wonder if that's it. Space heater tonight.

I felt kinda mad at her this morning because I was so tired. Then I felt guilty about feeling mad. Then she said, "Mama pweeese no you go to woe-rk". Then I felt guilty about that too. If I could make a living feeling guilty...

Wait. Is that a country song?

Then I cuddled her and let her day old pony tail with no holder tickle my nose and wished we could hug and take a nap together, and then I strapped her into her freezing car seat so they could take me to my coworkers house for a ride downtown.

Brrrrr it's cold here. COLD for Portland, no snow, rain starts on Sat when it warms up. I kind of wish for snow. But then I wouldn't be as successful at the plate unloading, so maybe this is good. Hopefully only a few more days, and hopefully a full night of sleep tonight.

And HOPEFULLY I win this computer!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Which is really what I showed up here for in the first place! Three entries. YAY!

When it rains it pours

So many times I wonder how much more we can take. Not we the Herman's but "we" as people I know or sort of know or pass on the street or ride next to on the max. Bad things are continually happening to people. And it's hard to see or care other people's struggles as we look so closely at our own.

But not for me.

I feel and worry and obsess about the pain of other people. I mean I really FEEL other people's pain. I wonder how I can manage to complain about my own difficulties in my wonderful life while others are suffering losses and pain that I pray I will never know.

As you know - the blog world has led me to Heather, and Sally, and Anissa, and Jennifer. I've also found a new friend in Margaret. There is something about reading about the raw emotion and pain each of these people are going through that almost brings me to my knees with sorrow, but also with gratefulness. A busy working mom shouldn't have time to think about these things, especially when I have so many friends in real life who rely on me. But I do. And I don't know how to change that about myself, and I guess I don't really want to either. Of course I read funny blogs too, like Lindsey and Kristin and Mommy Spills. Not every day. Not every week. But I find a connection with moms with lives outside of my own. There is a connection of strangers who relate to each other and who are open to share their lives...

One of my new blog friends lost her newborn son last year - and she is raising her two daughters - and working through a marriage - all while figuring out a life of constant grief. I could see a change in her voice as she started to be open to the possibly of joy for this holiday season, after suffering swine flu while mourning the one year anniversary of her son's passing. She made a decision that she was ready to stop feeling so bad and find a way to feel better. At least some days. And then her husband lost his job. And not just her husband. Her father and brother in law and their good friend. All lost their jobs as of Dec 15, a large part of their support circle. I'm crushed for her. Not because I know how hard it is when a husband loses a job emotionally and not because they have to worry about keeping a roof over their head instead of what gifts to spoil their girls with. But because WHY HER? WHY NOW? She was JUST getting back on the road to positive mental thinking. And I'm worried about her spirit being crushed. I'd like to think that this is nothing compared to what she has already endured but at the same time, I wonder if she just wants to curl up in a ball and give up. I don't know her, but I don't think she'll do that. After all, she's got two beautiful girls to get up for each morning. She's got a son in heaven who needs her to put one foot in front of the other each day. I just wish, with my whole heart that she didn't have to worry about her husband's (and FIL and BIL's) job right now. She writes her story because "every life leaves something beautiful behind", and she does a really good job of honoring her baby boy while working through how to outlive your child.

And I think, we only had to worry about one lost job and an unemployment hearing, and it was only 2.5 months, and we are SO so so lucky. We made it through this "disaster" and it while it was inconvenient and stressful, it was also just that. It did not happen while I was trying to keep my heart in my chest. We kept our spirits up and it was the only thing on our plate that was a loss.

I think about how Nancy endured Ryan's injury in Iraq, just 4 years ago. How she held on tight to hope, never gave up, wrote his story beautifully, and now has an amazing life she could have never imagined. How her friend Dena's nightmare started a year ago, losing her husband Rob to the war, an incredible man, and how she is doing her best, making the best of it - because that's what you do when you have 2 little girls depending on you. Her faith is inspiring to me.

These women, wives, mothers, daughters, have captured my heart. I have never met them, but I care about them. I'm not sure what purpose it plays in my life. I'm not sure how I am put here to help or encourage any of them. But I am sure that I'm not wasting my time or my heart, caring about them and praying for them.

I've told you how my good friend Robin lost her brother almost two years ago. And how I've mourned with this beautiful family as they struggled. Now Bronson is being honored in the Rose parade this year, the two year anniversary of his death, because his lost life gave life to 6 strangers. ~I also have to mention my friend Kim, whose baby Julia is the light of their life. Their plans were changed forever when they found out at 20 weeks about her heart condition, plus many other complications. But here she is 6 months old, and they got to see a smile. Kim's positive attitude and faith also amazes and encourages me. Last year at this time, Kim and I sat at a baby shower brunch as she told me her biggest worry about life with 3 kids was how she could continue her morning run with all three of them. How life has changed, and what a blessing Julia is, as she is, as long as they get to keep her.

God gave me a very big heart. And He gave me a very blessed life. And He blessed their lives too, even in their tragedies, He gave them a story to tell, a legacy to carry on, a too-short-life's memory to honor. So each day they wake up and they carry on, one foot in front of the other, until they remember their blessings and they get a little skip back in their step.

For whatever reason, every step of their journey is beautiful to me, and I am blessed through their struggles. I wish that these were not the circumstances for them, but they are, and through the world of blogging, they are touching lives. Ones who can relate so closely and so dearly, and ones who can't. People like me who are more grateful every day, thanks to them.

What is blessed? It's the ability to count your blessing. It's being able to look at the good in your life even during the hard times. It's remembering the goodness that surrounds each of us.

Thank you ladies for being amazing and beautiful and inspiring. My life is forever changed because of the things you have endured. Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

Progress

Today I had an ultrasound. It was awesome, amidst an otherwise crappy day of worrying about sick kiddos, riding the max and bus and walking 2 miles in the freezing cold. It was 27 here feeling like 13 with the wind blowing so hard. The sun was shining though!

It was so wonderful to see little Bryson sucking on his hands and to see that he is in fact a BOY!

The ultrasound estimates him at 7lbs 7oz give or take a pound. So if he were one pound less he would still be almost as big as Lily. For those of you who noticed how high I'm carrying, I know! I carry really high. It doesn't FEEL high, but when I look at a picture, I think about how high he looks. The girls both looked that way all the way until the end. Maybe because I have a tilted uterus. Who knows.

I'm 3cm dilated and 80% effaced and she thinks she'll see me this weekend. I'm not getting my hopes up, and still have lots to do...but of I won't be disappointed if he comes early, OF COURSE. I'm getting tired of holding him inside of my belly. I'm ready to hold him in my arms!

Thanks for all the love you are sending. I need it!

Ears and Migrains and Coughing, oh my

For the past several nights, Addie has been up many times each night. Monday and Tuesday I worked WAY too late, trying to finish deadlines that have passed, Addie stayed in bed. Wednesday and Thursday I didn't put her to bed due to "me time" outside of the house...and those nights, she'd come into my bed 3 times or so, then finally stay in her own around 3am. I felt guilty about not putting her to bed and for taking some time to myself (because that's what working moms do, or at least this one) so I snuggled with her for a while before sending her back to her own room. My kids aren't good sleepers in our bed, so we've never really let this become a habit, since it doesn't help anyone get more rest.

Thursday she developed a bad cough and I was up the whole night with her, I slept 3-6am. I was really dragging and had decided to take a nap during my "lunch hour" working from home. But my great napper didn't nap either, she was coughing and not feeling good, so I laid her in my bed while I laid down, but I'm not very comfortable right now, so having to lay absolutely still to help her sleep, isn't a great way for me to get rest. By the time Lawrence got home on Friday, I went to bed at 5:30 and skipped dinner. Guiltily, I got up at 7 for bed time. Lawr got up with her that night and let me sleep in until 9. Yesterday, I was a new woman!

Last (Saturday) night we stayed up late talking and hanging out and Addie was up every 30 minutes the whole night. Lawr got up until about 2am and then she said her ear hurt and I started going to her, until 4ish when she finally slept on Lawrence restlessly until 6.

She slept with us a bunch of the night, and today called the weekend hrs office of the ped to get her in at once. I can't believe it didn't occur to me that she had an ear infection, she's had a fever and a cold/cough for 4 days! What am I new at this? With Lily that was my first assumption, but Addie has only had a few ear infections, and with the fever/cough, I feared swine flu and ear infection never even crossed my mind. Even when we went out for a walk in the neighborhood last night to look at lights, and I told them not to take their hats off or they could get an ear infection (lie lie). Didn't occur to me that Addie already had one.

This morning Lily and I went to church and Lawr and Addie went to the ped and to pick up her new toddler bed from my friend Sharon. Addie napped about 4 hrs today total.

As soon as I got her down for her nap I felt a migraine coming on. First one in six years. Six years to the DAY actually. I remember, because it is my friend Dawn's 6 year wedding anniversary! Migraines and me are a whole other story, but I used to get them a lot and they are bad and I'm not functional for a few days.

Anyway, just like a miracle 6 years ago, this one went away before it got unbearable. I laid down and took Tylenol immediately. I had plans, big plans for the day, but my migraine didn't care about my wanting to nest or finish a work project.

I had a whole blog written in my mind about today's message at church. It was about Mary, and about God changing our plans, about how we just have to go with it, and it was a good one. God sure changed Mary's plans alright. So I had to laugh, a little, about the migraine (God) changing my plans - including not being able to write that blog, haha. I wonder if He thought THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO LAY DOWN IN THE PITCH BLACK AND REST, then SO BE IT! Hopefully I'll get to the blog one day.

Then when I woke up from my 3 hr nap, we went to Ceramic Cafe and made some holiday gifts. And Sabine came home from the beach after having a BLAST with 5 other au pair friends. We are always so happy when she has a good time.

Happy Anniversary, Dawn and Lucas.
Thank you, Nancy, for the new blog header.
Sharon, thank you so much for giving us the toddler bed you no longer needed, it looks AWESOME in their room, and saved us big time. What a beautiful little big girl (boy) bed! :) Crib is now up in Bryson's room and the nursery looks like a nursery again!

I got HOLIDAY CARDS MAILED!!!!! On Dec 5!!! They won't go out til tomorrow, because it was after 3pm, but still! :) Lily labeled and addressed them ALL, she's a massive helper during "quiet time"!

Oh, I have some good blogs brewing...but for now I had to write about the woes of little sleep and sick kids. Lily sounded croupey tonight before bedtime, Addie is on antibiotics and Tylenol, and my head hurts a little but I didn't throw up.

Wishing for more than 30 minutes of consecutive sleep tonight...sweet dreams...

(PS this was going to be a one paragraph blog...short and sweet + Jenny = nonexistent!)

Huge

I'm 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant and I tend to get 2 responses from people who see me.

"YOU ARE HUGE!!!" or "Wow, you aren't even that big..."

Really? tell my stretch marks that!

So, which is it?
Personally, I vote for huge, but who am I to say, you see, I have a view from up here.

I only feel like I am about to burst. Burst I tell you.

Christmas Tree for this Christmas

On Saturday we got out Christmas tree. Like for this Christmas. You know the Christmas Eve that we will be having a baby. Time is such a bizarre thing right now. It feels like it is racing along and standing still all at once. 23 days seems like an unbearable amount of time to be pregnant, but at the same time we are already getting our tree for the "Christmas Eve when Bryson is due".

I've never been one to get stuff done the weekend after Thanksgiving for Christmas. I'm not much of a Black Friday-er, though I like to go to Michael's or the local scrapbooking store and take advantage of a few coupons. I don't shop or decorate in advance, though this year we've already got our tree and seen Santa, and I have most of the gifts for the kids and it is only Dec 1.

Work has really been kicking my butt. My deadlines for Nov 30 went only 1/3 successful even though I stayed up until nearly 2am trying to finish everything. My boss didn't say if it was okay one way or the other, but it has to be. It's not done yet. I can only do what I can do and my bandwidth on my brain isn't all there. I just took a half hour nap and now am revving up my mind for another go round with the excel schedule that I actually dreamed about last night! Yikes!

Here is a family shot with the tree we chose

Me and Sabine next to our tree. Notice the maternity vest no longer covering the enormous belly. I don't love this picture of my belly sticking out and swollen face, but it's part of who I am right now and it feels dishonest not to post! :) The doctor even commented on my face, she double checked my blood pressure because of how puffy I looked yesterday You can't tell from this picture but we are at the top of a huge hill at Sleigh Bells in Sherwood. So the fact that I made it up there was a feat in and of itself!

Sabine giving it a try to saw down the tree. Lawrence will finish up that job...not with out some BIG helpers
Addie finding Addie sized trees...she said she wanted to get one that was just taller than her, because daddy said he would get one just taller than him.

Sabine decided to let Lawrence saw the tree and have a photo op with the girlies instead.

Daddy's little helpers, they make every job a little more clausterphobic...er...I mean cozy!

After this we saw Santa and decorated the tree, and made a very fun and special US / German tradition. Will share that later when my eyelids will cooperate. Back to fixing the June elimination entry...riveting! When this is all done, I can relax and take the rest of the month day by day...just as I need to.

And for those not subscribed to the pregnancy blog...(please email me at jennyherman@comcast.net if you want to be). As of yesterday's appt - 1.5cm, 50%. Through the rest of the month I'll update there with the gory details and give snipits here as well...

Decorating the Tree with 5 year olds

Lily: Rachel, do you celebrate Hanukkah?
Rachel: No, my mommy and daddy went to Iowa State.

Thankful!

Welp, the washing machine seems to have broken down...not to be repaired....but that's the bad news! No, we did not go shop for a new one on Black Friday, as we perhaps should have...

The good news is Lawrence won his unemployment hearing! We aren't exactly sure what that means, but they found in his favor, and the letter came today and we both held our breath when we saw State of Oregon on the envelope - (and truth be told I hid in the kids room looking for pj's while I saw him opening it!)

Yay, thank you so much for all the support, love, and prayers!

And I thought I was thankful yesterday ~

Oh, MckMama, you do make me laugh

Remember when we all prayed for Stellan a few weeks ago? And it was a miracle, his very risky ablation worked? And how we all cried tears of Joy for this mama whose heart was on her sleeve?

Well, I just LOVED her post today, I LOVED reading that things like this happen to us all. HAHAHAHA. Oh daddies, you are so lucky to have us...and it's okay if we are the only ones who know it! Maybe that's the way it should be.

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/11/small-victory.html

Dude, that's romantic

So for the last year, I've been getting us to budget more for things that could and do go wrong, so that if the car needs repairs or we have to replace a household appliance, we don't have to go into panic mode or worse yet, *gasp* put something on the credit card.

One thing on my list of replacements was a vacuum. Lawrence didn't know why it was there, "we don't need a new vacuum, just some new bags and a belt", he'd say. Okay, so he bought those a few months ago. And what with the joblessness and all a vacuum hasn't made it to the to budget for list...

So he rolls over in bed the other day to say, "I think we need a new vacuum, do you want to get that for each other as our Christmas present?".

Uh, no.

"Okay", I say. "We have needed another one for a while."

But what about the ski tickets you want and the BREAD BOX I want...??? (seriously I've been asking for a bread box since LAST year on my bday...)

Sigh.

So don't you be jealous of me when Santa leaves me a vacuum under the tree in lieu of a gift from my husband.

Be jealous of Lawrence. I guarantee you NO other man out there will be getting a Bissell Cleanview Helix Vacuum Cleaner for the holidays!

True Romance at the Herman household. True Romance.

Ladies, nothing says, "Thank you sweetheart for giving me a son" like a Bagless Upright.
Nothing.

The Potty

Okay, well, the unemployment hearing is over and we hear in 2 weeks. Lawrence doesn't have a great feeling about it, but it is the judges job not to show one way or the other. So now it is out of our hands. I can't leave that post up much longer as the most recent because it makes the lump bigger!

So let's talk about the POTTY! Nothing lightens to mood more than typing poop many times in one blog.

Or as Addie calls it, the "poppy".

Many of you have asked me how it is going with the potty training. (and the room sharing for that matter...unfortunately somewhat linked). Well, it's going pretty well, actually.

Addie is in Panties and has been for 2 weeks. The first few days she had one wet accidents and 2 or so BM accidents. OR she would not have a BM accident but wait until she got a pull up on for nap time or bed time and go then. Sometimes 3x at bedtime.

She was using that as an excuse not to go to bed. Poop was her get out of jail free card. So we just made her go to sleep in it, and then would change her right after she would fall asleep.

That seems to have worked for the most part.

In the past week there has been only one pee accident, one BM accident, and NO ACCIDENTS on outings, so we are risking it and keeping her in panties when we leave the house.

She still continues to poop at bedtime if she is crazy and running around in there before crawling into bed and going to sleep. Lawrence changes her most nights as it is pretty awkward for me to lift her out of the toddler bed.

For those of you who don't have her bday memorized, and even for those of you who do, she will be 2.5 years on New Years.

I think on her worst day she had 3 BM accidents and one wet accident. I said exhausted as I wiped up a mess in the bathroom, "Addie if you keep going poopy in your big girl panties, I am going to throw your Dora panties away, mommy doesn't like cleaning poopy out of them!" (I realize this is kind of mean, but it used to work with Lily, she'd crumble to pieces thinking I might really do it. Nothing phases Addie, ever! And lucky for me, no exception here...) Do you know what she said??!??!??!?!

"Dat okay mommy, my have more".

True enough, the girl makes a point!

I think I first jokingly posted about Addie being potty trained here. ALMOST A YEAR AGO at 17 months! But she was SO interested. When people asked me if she'd be trained by the time the baby was born, I laughed confidently as I told them she would. Insert foot in mouth ONCE again. When will I learn? I was beginning to think that she just didn't recognized the I have to poop sensation. And even when she did, she doesn't have the patience to wait for it on the potty. And I actually think she needs to stand to figure out how to get it out.

This last week I have more hope though. She's been going poo a few times a day on the potty and when she's not it's the after bedtime diaper change, which is a lot better than cleaning it out of panties. Shudder. Another funny side note is that because she is so petite...all of her pants are falling down all the time and she looks so cute when she runs holding up her pants or has her eensy weensy plumber crack showing as she squats down to play!

I've also implemented plan "gummy bear" which is that she gets a gummy bear for going poopy on the potty. In the past I never used sugar to get either of them to go on the potty, stickers worked just fine, but I was desperate for this girl to WANT to wait it out on the potty. And when she goes she is SO proud of herself, confirming that it means she will get a gummy bear NOW!!!

One funny thing she says when you go in to help her is. "My fine". She says that about a lot of things. But it makes me laugh when she says it on the potty. "You out, mommy, my fine".

I always promised myself that I would never be one of those moms who could sit around for hours with other moms talking poop shop. Now not only do I do that (and even more, I'll have another one to discuss mustard seed breast milk poop soon with all who will listen), I also fill full blogs about it. I digress.

A full weekend and a lump in my throat

So tomorrow is the day we have been waiting for/dreading. Since Lawrence lost his job in August, and then got denied unemployment benefits in September, we've been waiting for this hearing. The one that will decide whether we get unemployment benefits denied for the past 1.5 months and whether we have to also pay back the month we'd already received.

It is so hard not to think of this situation and be angry. We are talking about nearly $5000 - all for one day of working and earning $57.50. It's just ridiculous when you look at the facts. And wonder why our system incentives people not to try. Yes, that would be the easy road to go down, and we've both started down it a few times. But we've returned - I think he's gone a bit farther than I have before deciding to be grateful instead.

I am grateful to God who gave me strength and hope and faith to know that this too shall pass - for believing that there really is a plan for us, and change doesn't come easy. I am grateful for our families, who didn't have much to give to help us, but who did just enough to make the difference of sinking or not. I'm grateful to friends treating us to dinner a few times when that was just what we needed. I'm grateful to Sabine who arrived from Germany to live with us the day that Lawrence lost his job, she has been just what we needed in more ways than we could have imagined. I'm grateful for my two sweet daughters. I'm grateful for a healthy pregnancy. I'm grateful for things working out, even when they don't on paper. I'm grateful for others who are struggling and share those struggles so that I can remember just how grateful I should be. I am grateful to my friends who have prayed and comforted and loved me and us. I am grateful that through this, I was able to see very clearly, it is only a house, it is only a car, and as long as I have Lawrence & Jenny, Lily & Addie, & baby Bryson together...safe and healthy...I will be okay. I wish this was the hardest trial anyone had to go through. Compared to so many others, this is just...a bump, a hill maybe, but not something that ripped out my heart, stole my dreams.

I am grateful that no matter what happens tomorrow, that Lawrence found a new job, that he loves, that will provide for us, and where most importantly he will be happy. That he got this job by being willing to do work that wasn't ideal. That he reminded me what a great man and provider he really is. Through all of this my respect for him has grown, and so has my love and my belief in the strength of us.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I'm proud of myself. I'm a worrier. I make mountains out of molehills. I lose sleep and I fret. That's what I do. And yet, I've felt a lot of peace and stregnth and kindness and support, more than I knew I could muster. And I wasn't faking it. I meant it. And it felt really really good.

I will let you know the outcome of the hearing tomorrow, you know after they mail it to us in 2 weeks. If you'd like, please pray for a sympathetic judge, for honestly and wise words for Lawrence, and for us to figure out a way no matter what the outcome is. This will determine how long my maternitiy leave will be for. But another thing I am grateful for is a nice and flexible boss who will allow me to work from home during the time I would have to cut it short.

And YESTERDAY was an awesome, tiring day, from which I have many photos and many stories to tell. Those will go on the never ending blog to do list...so I may get to it, may not. There are bigger fish to fry, but I'm glad for a full and crazy Saturday and a relaxing Sunday with nothing more than floor time with the girls, a nap, and a trip to Trader Joe's.

A safe place

We both just got conked over the head with a frying pan in this picture.
Jeanine and I got our best "wigs" on and went out on the "town" for "drinks" for my "birthday". Unfortunately the waitress made my big birthday "drink", a strawberry lemonade with bloody marry mix rather than Strawberry, so when I gulped a quarter of it down like I'd never had anything to drink before in my life, I almost puked. Hello, HOW MEAN IS THIS!?!?!?! Here I was 33 weeks pregnant and she put horseradish in with my lemonade? Does she not know the rath of prenatal heartburn!!! AND she still charged me 3.50 for the drink, which she replaced and profusely apologized! $3.50 for a non alcoholic /non caffeinated drink, what a disgrace! :)

Am I over using quotes? I'm doing them in the air as I type them too!

Something was wrong with the camera flash, so of course all of the "good" pictures were taken without a flash and this is what were we left with.

Oh well, the visit was wonderful. I happen to be a girl fortunate to have a few BFFs in my life, and Jeanine is definitely one of them. I wish she lived closer, but over the past few years we've managed to see each other several times a year and for that I am grateful. Her kids are getting a little older and travel away from them (or with them) becomes easier for her and Otto, while it is still a logistical nightmare for me. When I think of Jeanine, I think of a person with whom I feel completely safe emotionally. Someone I can share anything with and whose opinion I trust and respect.

We can talk about nearly every topic from parenting to religion, being good wives to being good daughters, loving and hating our childhood poverty, and we laugh and laugh and laugh. We cry and dump and laugh and the time is always too short but we leave feeling absolutely refreshed and recharged. I even showed her that I was still sporting the tail end of the pedicure she'd treated me too back in July...and she loved me anyway! Note to self: must get a new pedicure.

Except for the fact that we were so alike in so many ways, we were unlikely friends from the beginning because we were in SUCH different places in life. We met at 21 years old when Jeanine had an 8 month old baby and a one year old marriage and I had a knack for partying until the wee hours. We laugh now at how I'd come into work in the morning all disheveled and unshowered and hungover, and she'd have spent hours up already with her baby after not sleeping through the night, wondering if "those were my real legs... like without nylons?". Of course I was too insecure to see the beauty she saw in me. And vice versa. She trained me at my job at NYK Line and we just connected, spent every lunch together, both of us broker than the other, bringing in horrid things like tomato soup with a can of corn and bragging at how for the ten bucks we'd lent each other when for groceries for the week. Oh, those were the days. (What amazes me is that SHE was in new marriage, new baby mode, and was going through this and I was so naive to what that would have been like!) When I met Lawrence she drooled with me over the daily and sometimes two-a-day cards he sent to me, complete with heartfelt love letters. She told me he was the one and she was right. We BONDED so closely, and when I moved away from Boise to NJ to get my CPA license, and subsequently asked her to be in our wedding, she thought I was joking. She was just hoping to be invited. She still says it was one of the most wonderful weekends of her life, and it means a lot to me that my wedding meant that much to one of my friends. (Also it was her and Otto's FIRST weekend away since having kids 6ish years before - but I like to believe it was the confessing our undying love on the mountain top that really sealed the deal for her.)

She is a wonderful example of a mother and a wife, and since her kids (now 12 & 9) are turning out pretty darn good, and her marriage is strong despite some serious trials (we all have trials, but you try getting married when you are 21 to a 20 year old boy and see how easy the next 13 years are! Oh and get pregnant 3 months after the wedding, just to spice things up a bit!) I'm glad I've looked up to her all these years. She's doing things right, even though she hasn't always been sure of that. The wisdom and insight she's offered up to me time and again has been priceless for my own life.

I could go on and on and on about how much I love this girl and how everyone should know her and how every girl should have a Jeanine in their life.

Thank you Jeanine for being all you are to me. (Oh, wait, Jeanine's ONE downfall....I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME GET HER TO READ MY BLOG!!!!! :) though she claims she's checking it now that I beraded her for not! we'll see about that...comment please!)

When you think back over the years or now, who is your "safe place"? If you don't have one. Get one. Because we need friends to survive this life! I am blessed with many of them, each so wonderful and special and contributing to the person I am in some great way.