A weekend of heart

My breakfast....
Sweet sisters at Lily's school party

What a weekend. I'm not sure where to even start. I guess the beginning is probably a good place.

On Friday I went to Lily's Valentine party at school, and as usual, she was the most awesome big sister ever. She and Addie didn't leave each others side. Being around the house so often I forget how much they love each other when it's them and the world. I was in bed by 9pm because last week was a really exhausting week. Bryson has been up about 3x a night, starving. He's only napping for 45 minutes, so that means no naps for me. My knees have been killing me from the 30 day shred. In general just exhausted. Then he woke up FOUR times to eat that night. It might not have been so daunting except that Lawrence, Lily, & Sabine were waking up bright and early on Saturday morning to go skiing and I'd be on my own with him and Addie for a very busy Saturday. I kept the wakeups and tiredness in perspective because...

On Saturday I went to a funeral for an 8 month old daughter of my friend, Kim. Julia's celebration of life was absolutely beautiful. Probably the most touching funeral I've every been to. Her mama, Kim, actually spoke about Julia's little life, and I can't describe how moved I was by the whole service. I cried and cried and cried for a baby I barely knew who made such a big impact. Her four year old brother got up to say something, he talked about loving and playing with Julia, and I could barely catch my breath through my tears. The pastor's words and songs were so comforting, and it was obvious he had come to love this little girl and this family so much. Kim, as always, encouraged me to have more love and faith, and as I've said before to enjoy each and every moment I am given with my children as a gift. She lifted her hands lovingly to God for giving her the gift of Julia and changing them all forever.

I could have slept for days after I got home from the funeral - but that's not my reality - having that fresh and emotional perspective from the funeral gave me the energy to get through the day and afternoon paying attention to the little moments. Laughing and snuggling with Addie and watching Bryson as he discovered the mobile above his changing table. I also marveled at there perfectly made little bodies, and held them close as they took in each breath.

When Lawrence came home, everyone was excited. Lily and Sabine had done REALLY well skiing and they had photos and video and stories to tell. Both impressed by skiing so well, really turning and slowing and doing the chair lift very very well! My friend Shawna came over when I went to the funeral and Addie had a lot to tell about getting to play with Shawna. The girls danced and laughed and hugged and SCREAMED like they hadn't seen each other in years. Addie is a totally different kid without Lily. She behaves better and is a little less crazy. She loves to be the helper and she ANSWERS FOR HERSELF even, without big sis stepping in nonstop. But she also looks for her, waits for her, and misses her terribly.

Shortly after they came home, I pumped a bottle, got dolled up and Lawrence and I left to go to a 40th bday party of our good friend. It was so fun, we really had a blast without the kids. And it was easy because they only live a few blocks away. It is our 2nd 40th bday in a few months and we can't believe that we are in the season of 40th bday parties!!!! It seems like just yesterday everyone we knew was celebrating 30...

Today - Valentine's Day - the day everyone on FaceBook seems to love to hate - was so nice and relaxing. We did nothing, we stayed in PJs all day. We gave little to each other. Just hung out and rested and enjoyed the love of our family.

We decided to give the kids a few of our favorite books. Mine was The Pokey Little Puppy and Lawrence's was Ticky Ticky Tembo. We got Lily some BOB books from Powell's (used level one set for only $14!!!). I could write a whole other blog on her and reading. But Today SHE TOTALLY got it. She read me two of the books and was sounding it out all on her own. It was awesome. If you asked me when she was two (when she was writing her name and knowing all letters, lower and caps), I would have told you she'd be reading at 3 but for some reason she has been hesitant and every time we work on it, she gets crazy and silly and stops trying. I haven't pushed her, but I've known she could do it for well over a year, maybe 2. And today, SHE DID IT. So it was really exciting for me. And for her! She was so proud of herself, and so confident as she sounded each word out and then amazed said the word quickly as she knew what it was. I know this 'clicking' will make me happy many many many times in her smart little life. It already has as she can add and subtract and divide in her head like no other pre-ker I've seen! I enjoyed it so much today.

I have more to say and more pictures to post, but I need to go dream feed Bryson (who by the way is TWO MONTHS OLD today!!!) and it is almost 11pm, so it's time to post.

Happy Valentine's Day. Today and every day, I really love this life and the people in it.

I was going to post the link to last year's valentine's pictures and letters because I think it is fun to do, but we had 4 vday posts! I forgot that Lawrence did a "guest blogger" thing! I just re-read them and they are SO SO sweet. Man I love my man! :) The link below takes you to Feb 2009 archive, which contains an entry for out of the past, or Lawrence's 2008 vday poems to his three girls. Anyway, you have to scroll down so see the Vday stuff. But SO sweet!

http://hermanfamdam.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html

Never wake a sleeping baby

Bryson still sleeps totally swaddled. So here is what he usually looks like...
Except less greasy. For some reason he always looks so SHINY in pictures:
The past few nights he would NOT wake up from the 5pm nap, and around 7pm I unswaddled him, turned off his white noise, turned on the light, and let the girls run rampant and loud...yet he looked like this! What better time to take some pictures of my sleeping prince, sleeping yet not looking like a burrito.
The night before that he had got his arms out of his swaddle on his own, fussed and went back to sleep. They say, never wake a sleeping baby...

Unless of course he looks this cute after his arms escape his swaddle and you just HAVE to get a picture!!!Was it worth it...Absolutely!!!

Kooky: having characteristics of a kook, crazy, offbeat

Lily: Mama, I'm like weird. I feel weird, like I don't know what time of day it is.
Mama: Lil, you're a Kook
Lil: I know
Mama: Don't worry, Lil, I'm a kook too, you got it from me
L: Yep, and Grandma Lanie is a kook too and you got it from Grandma Lanie
M: Yep
L: Where did Grandma Lanie get it from?
M: I think Grandma Lanie invented being a kook
L: Daddy's not a kook because Grandma Carol's not a kook
M: (Laughing) True
L: Addie sure is a kook like me and you
M: Yep she is, maybe not as much as me and you, but she is one
L: I hope Bryson is a kook like us, I hope he gets it from you and not like Daddy, I bet he will.

With 3 kooks like us in the house, the little guys doesn't stand a chance...

Moving through sizes and time

The new smile
There is no such thing
As a perfect picture
Of all three kids

Last night as Lawrence and I mused about our weekend, and how we barely saw each other, and didn't rest for a second it seemed, we also reflected that it had been a good one. We did some serious tag team parenting and while we both felt a little tired, we didn't feel overly worn to the ground exhausted. He said, "Don't worry hon, we'll have time for each other when we are 60, we'll fall in love all over again". Sweet. Then I said, "Is that why we both have to keep working out so hard, so that we can be attracted to each other and have the energy to do all the active things we love doing" [insert: and aren't possible with 3 kids, 5 and under]. It made me think about how important being active and staying in shape is. This isn't just to give ourselves energy right now, but to stay healthy for 5-10-20 years from now when we do have the freedoms to do some of the things we love and have given up to raise our babies, we have the energy and capable bodies then. And we know, taking of the weight and beating the lethargy isn't going to get any easier years down the road, when we do have more time...and less muscle mass slash slower metabolisms.

The 30 day shred is going good. I'm on day 8. Lawrence is on day 8 of running and doing 50 pushups. Man that guys chest muscles pop back into gear with only a week of no effort. I know Lily got his genes and I hope the other two follow suit. I'm always impressed by how fast he gets back into great physical shape in such a short period of time. He took Saturday running off, and that was partially my fault. I sent him to a 5 year old bday party with the girls so I could get my work out in and get Bryson his nap.

There is the song, "Remember When...", by a country singer (just looked it up for the link, Alan Jackson). Anyway, one time, my friend Jeanine told me that her husband, Otto, told her they were half way through that song. Since we keep having babies, we've stayed halfway through that song for several years.

Right now we are:
Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old

Ever since Jeanine told me about Otto saying it to me, it pops into my head as I hear the sound of little feet. They are the music of our lives right now. And they will be for a while. I can't even imagine a day when they won't be, but I can imagine myself longing for that sound again. Even as I tell Lily, 'Walk quieter, don't stomp so hard". I know I'll miss the sound of that stomping someday when she starts tiptoeing to sneak in or out! :) I'll wish for the days when I knew every thought and worry in her little head. I'll miss the days that big tantrums got of all the bad stuff out. When falling to the floor in a weeping heap was all you had to do to rid your little body of disappointment. When hugs from mommy or a tic tac could take it all away.

As we discuss and contemplate whether Bryson will be our last baby or not, this hits me harder.
He's almost out of 0-3 mth clothes, a little over 13 lbs, and in size 2 diapers. And as I pack up the things that don't fit any more, I'm not sure whether I will use it again, and it's weird. As I put away maternity clothes that are too big, and squeeze back into my size 14 jeans (and I do mean squeeze), I wonder what will become of my beloved sweatsuits and soft bellied jeans. As I loan out clothes, both baby and maternity, making it fully clear that I don't know what I'm doing so I want every peice back, my heart jumps inside thinking that I might not really need anything back, anything at all. Oh, the closet space I will have. And the storage bins!

I really haven't had to buy one thing for little Addie, I saved each and every little thing from Lily, and as for Bryson, between generous gifting and lots of hand me downs from friends, he won't need much new either. So that leaves only Lily to shop for and she is growing like a week. I couldn't carry her to the potty the other night when Lawrence was out. (sometimes we do that before we go to bed on nights that we forgot to have her go before bedtime to ensure no extra middle of the night wake ups). She's not too big for me to carry when she jumps up and holds on tight, but dead weight, no chance I could do it. My baby is almost too big for my arms. So far only physically but only a matter of years before emotionally she will be too. Especially if I don't remember to nurture that relationship.

Honestly the relationship with her is the hardest to nurture when I'm short on time and energy, because she is so grown up and self sufficient. It's easy to lose my cool with her, because she knows better. It's easy to keep her as a right hand man, taking care of the little two, because she loves it and she is good at it. To some extent, all of this stuff comes with being the oldest child. But I also want to be mindful each day of her childness. She is just a little girl who would love nothing more than to play and snuggle day in and day out with her mama. And it's not going to last. So I'm trying to recommit and appreciate each moment, each and every one, with all three of them, so I don't look back, remembering when, with any regrets, or with any more sadness other than just missing it, missing them at these sizes.

FOR sure, I won't be missing me at this size. I'll have NO problem discarding the size 14 jeans when I'm back in a size 8. (AND I WILL GET THERE!) But I already miss the feeling of a baby kicking in my belly and I miss the knowing/gentle looks from strangers that something really special is about to happen to you. And this is only 8 weeks later. Bryson is 8 weeks today. So in two years, when we'd normally be ready to start trying to have another baby, I can't imagine what it will be like and how much I will miss it.

My friend, Kirstin (my water fitness partner), wrote an beautiful blog about how one thing has to come to an end before something else can become. In her case, her family of three comes to an end to make way for a family of four. I can really relate to that. If we "decide" (I use that term lightly as I realize it is never really up to us and it is by the grace of God we are given the gift of children in any situation) to stop having babies, there is another wonderful life outside of infancy of things to experience with our children and as a family, so if more babies comes to an end, I have no doubt that it will be replaced by equally as wonderful things, watching all our children grow.

My friend Kim, lost her daughter on Friday. I've mentioned Kim before, she is a friend of a friend, and Julia was diagnosed with many health complications at her 20 week ultrasound. Their family had 8 months on earth with Julia, and they did not take one day for granted as they knew her days were numbered and that it was entirely out of their control. I only got to meet beautiful little Julia once when she was a few months old, back in July, but I kept up on Kim's CaringBridge site and was encouraged by Kim's peace and faith and living joy in the moment with her little Julia and Julia's two big brothers. Please keep them in your prayers, especially the brothers (ages 2 & 4), as they all try to comprehend this loss that they knew was probable from day one and find peace and comfort in the 8 months they had with their little angel. I'm so thankful that Kim shared Julia's story with the world because her attitude was so inspiring to me. And she also reminded me each time she referred to Julia as perfect, that each child is perfect, just as they are, just as God made them.

It's been a few days since I blogged, and it is because I'm trying to make more time for non computer related things, I'm doing my 30 shred, and keeping up with a message board with my 4 friends virtually doing it with me. I know this is a bit of a hodge podge of topics, but as the kids grow, and I shrink (hopefully) and am surrounded by good friends and support, both in real life and on the computer, I keep being conked over the head with the blessings in my life. I'm trying hard to live in today, be present in the moment, work hard for the future, knowing that things don't come easy, but they will come and they are worth working for.

And for today, that is more than enough.

Snow Bunny

Lily and her new friend Aurora

Lawrence and Lily went skiing on Sunday. It was Lily's 4th time skiing, over the last 3 years. Lawrence would take her every weekend if he could. Next year he hopes he can start teaching Addie, so he and Lil need to go a few more times so she can be self sufficient. Someday, I'll ski again. It's just hard when I keep having babies every 2.5 years! :) I'm pretty bad anyway, so maybe Lily can give me some tips when I get back to the slopes. In the meantime, I'm pretty proud of my big girl and of her daddy for teaching her.

I'm a shredhead

Today was day 2 of my 30 day shred. Wow. It is HARD.

After day one, I felt very shaky and sick. But I did it.

Last night, Bryson woke at 3am, 5am, & 8am. Each time he did I felt more and more muscles that I didn't know I had. Like one that made my elbow hurt. WHAT? It just hurts to go up the stairs, or down the stairs, or to sit on the toilet, or to get into the car. This morning it wasn't the good hurt either. It was the kind of hurt that made me panic that I just got several of my friends into this to be accountability partners, and I wasn't gonna make day 2. OH. NO.

But then guess what happened. I read on our message board that 2 of my gal-in-pain-pals had already completed day 2. Okay, so it's possible. And Lawrence was on his way home to give me the 20 minutes I needed to do the video. So I got dressed. I decided I needed to use 1.5 lbs for a few of the exercises rather than 5lbs, which was WAY too heavy. I might need to invest in some 3 pounders. Anyway, the support that can come from friends doing it too is pretty encouraging.

So for those that don't know, the 30-day shred is a workout DVD from one of the "Biggest Loser" trainers, Jillian Micheals. It is 20 minutes. Three 8 minute circuits. Each circuit is 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs. She works in big muscle groups and small ones at the same time so you don't have any rest, and burn max calories. There are 3 levels, I'm still on level one, and the motified movements in level one at that.

And it's hard work. It is.

But when you are short on time, and an hour work out sounds overwhelming and unrealistic, this sounds doable. Even for 30 days in a row. But it is A HARD 20 minutes. It has to be.

Some of my favorite things she says in the level one work out.

If you are looking for a modified version of a jumping jack, look elsewhere, I get 400 lb people to do this, so can you

No rest, if you want to work out for only 20 minutes a day, then you have to make every minute of that 20 minutes count.

If we are going to make big promises (up to 20lbs in 30 days), we have to give you a work out that can deliver

I'm paraphrasing of course. She's a pusher, and she's pushing me.


Tonight Lawrence and the girls started the work out with me. Lily wanted to use my 1.5lb weights because daddy has told her she could (thanks daddy). Little did he know, I'd NEED them! But being the very ingenuic daddy that he is, he made Lily and Addie their own weights out of tinker toys. Bryson woke from his nap about 5 minutes into the video, so Lawrence tended to him. And let me tell you. He is in good shape and he was struggling! He'll tell you that he isn't in great shape, but he does pushups regularly and sometimes with TWO girls on his back, and he couldn't do push ups for the full minute like you are supposed to. So he had to stop and watched with Bryson in his arms, impressed as I finished day 2. Addie lost interest, but Lily finished the whole video with me. She's a bit of a spaz with her jumping jacks and punches, but we were both impressed that she didn't lose interest. She changed into shorts and a tank top half way through because she was so hot. I forgot how buff she is! Man the girl has muscles. Lawrence said, "If mommy keeps up with this video, she'll have arms that look like Lily's. " Seriously, I'll take them!

So after finishing day 2, I think I might be able to do this. I mean, I am doing this. Every single day for thirty days. There, I said it. I'm committed. I'm going to be healthy and fitting exercise into each day. I haven't pushed myself in a long time, and it's nice to find the lost muscles. They needed to be found. Here's to making them strong and giving me lots of energy and strength.

Thanks to my fellow shredheads... you know who you are, I'm not sure if you want the blogosphere knowing who you are. I'm proud of you and so glad we are doing this together.

Go US!

Making my day

The whole Herman family had a wonderful day today.

Lawrence took Lily skiing and she did AWESOME. She made a new friend, Aurora and they skied together the whole day.

Addie and Bryson and I went to church, and somehow I managed. Addie went to her class and they told me she was a perfect doll. She brought her own snack, and thinks having allergies makes her cool. Then we had a good day at home, I got them both to nap at the same time, right after I got Bryson to smile at me, on demand. Meaning he smiled when I came to him and he did it several times. Enough times for me to get a camera. And then I even got a picture, with the delay and everything!

I was all ready to post the pictures of skiing, but the camera has been temporarily misplaced in all the chaos of the evening. **Updated to read: FOUND IT!!!

Kids are in bed. Tomorrow begins day one of 30 day shred with 4 super cool and super supportive ladies. I watched it today for a preview of what I was getting into. I'll admit, it doesn't look too bad while I'm laying down watching it!

Yay for a good day! Friday night Bryson slept for 6 hrs, last night I thought he would repeat but instead he slept 7-11 and I woke him and did a dream feed at 11 before I went to bed (same as the night before) and he woke up every 2 hrs all night. So, we aren't there yet, but he's been going down for every nap and bed time awake, putting himself to sleep with no crying. It requires really watching his tired cues, but it's worth it. He isn't even fussy anymore. Seriously we have a whole new baby than we did 2 weeks ago.

More good days to come...

Don't Forget the Bacon

Don't forget the bacon is Addie's new catch phrase. She says it around 200x a day. They heard the book at story time last week at the Children's Museum and she can't get it out of her head. Sometimes it's in context, usually it's not.

"Don't foeget yo bacon, mama, don't foeget yo bacon".

Bryson's Nursery

Drumroll please...okay, maybe not, but I've been meaning to post some pictures of Bryson's new nursery. Added bonus, this is no longer his changing and nursing room, because he is now successfully sleeping in his crib, getting up at 2 & 5ish still to eat. But tonight I fed him at midnight, and I'm hopeful he'll do a long stretch.


It's not totally finished but...it's what it's going to be for a while and it looks great. This WAS Addie's room....
And I changed it into Bryson's room...
My friend Carrie helped me tape the stripes for this room (THANK YOU CAR YOU ARE A GENIOUS!), and I painted it the week between Christmas and NYE when my mom was here in half our increments. (Hmm speaking of, I still have some brushes to wash in the mud sink...darn).

It really turned out great. And the best part of this room...

We did not spend a DIME on it. We were given a few of the monkey accessories by my mom and as gifts. But we did the whole room for free, recycling stuff from the girls and paint we already had in the house. Sure, I could have (and did) find a BUNCH of nurseries that I loved and spent a lot, but I really knew it was something that we didn't need to spend money on, nor could we afford to. And so it feels really good to have made it such a nice space-regardless of cost. (or lack of cost!)

Look how happy AND OLD Bryson looks about it...

Jennifer made this cool photo thing for my shower. There is one more spot for a picture of Bryson and it goes GREAT in his room... R to L that's Lawrence, Jenny, Lily, Addie

The crib and changing table being used for a THIRD time. Sabine gave us a new diaper pail and wipes warmer.

We had a great day today and even a short date night (Thank you Sabine for forcing this on us and knowing what we need!). We spent an hour talking about the kids. But we are surprised at how good we are getting at this. :) Meaning our marriage, how this has been very challenging, how Bryson is doing SO much better, and how we seem to genuinely not be pissed at each other 99% of the time. That is a change from our prior postpartum weeks with the girls. In the past we've struggled these weeks, not getting snippy with each other, forgetting our awesome sense of humor, one of the best qualities in our marriage. Forgetting about being a good team and caring how hard it is on the other. It is tiring and stressful and emotion filled and overwhelming. And we are doing it.
Doing it just fine.Cutest biggest softest newborn feet that I've ever held.

Way Back when we were Waiting on Bryson

It's hard to even remember that there was half a month of December that happened before Bryson got here. I know I was very prepared for the holidays this year, most of it done in November and all of December, before and after he came, is kind of a blur.

We did A LOT of crafting during this time. Waiting and crafting. We went to ceramic cafe like 4 times. I couldn't do much but just SIT with the girls, and we had to get out of the house...

Looking at the dates on the pictures, I'm amazed!

Painting dreidals for Gma and Gpa. I can't believe this was only 24 hrs before he was HERE! WOW.

Painting onsies - this was the SAME day as the dreidals? What!


We also made a gingerbread house this day! Did I forget that I was in labor? I honestly did not remember it all in one day!

2nd night of Hanukkah - electronic and child safe! :) By the eighth night, they could do part of the prayer.
First night of Hanukkah. Happy about the Mellissa & Doug presents from Gma & Gpa
Taking this photo during the first few hours of contractions, wondering WHY my hubby wasn't home from work yet...
A week before, more ceramic cafe, a mug for Uncle Matt with the "class beaver" Elliot! (see previous post on her disgusting love of stuffed animals! She loved this one SO much, each kid gets to take it home for a weekend with a notebook and write what they did with him, so there was pressure to do something good. She kept forgetting when we left the house too! I tried to get her to let him take a ride in our NEW washing machine. No go!)
Attempting to get an Addie print on Uncle Matt's mug for his new apartment

Lily's print isn't going to fit on a mug much longer, we had to get the biggest one!

Lots of fun waiting for Bryson, I'm glad to see that we spent some good QT with the girls, and glad I have some pictures to remember it because it's all a haze! :) To be honest sometimes the photos remind me that I'm a better mom than what I feel like at times.

Dolly playdate

Last night Bryson had what is sure to be the first of many many many times playing dolls with his sisters. He and the rest of the babies in the house had a play date, and boy did they have fun.

I mean, the girls have been having a lot of play dates lately, so why should we leave Bryson out.

Here he is with all of his new friends. I'm not sure why they are all so scantily clad. Bryson didn't know it was no pants day, but was glad he fit in...
Tail end of a smile...
I think his eyes are gonna be blueAddie is such a rebel sibling picture taker...(insert laugh and head shake), Lily on the other hand will do any and everything to be photographed with her brother, or to get a picture of "the three".

So we move to Addie's spot...better.
Hey girls let's get a picture of you kissing your brother's cheek (remembering a cute photo I'd seen like this with each sib kissing baby's cheek).
Oh wait...not like that. Sigh. Bryson survives another malling.


Look how peaceful he looks! This melts me. Another chiro appt today, and he is doing so great.

I took Lily to Bryson's chiro appt with me today and then to Michael's where she bought a Valentine craft with her own money. We had lunch (she ate, while I nursed Bryson in the car) and then I took her to school. It was a long exhausting morning ( maybe my own version of supermom?) for me after a long stretch of being up last night. However, it was really good quality time with Lily. I enjoyed the long car ride each way talking with her, and then Michael's was fun too. Sometimes my head is spinning and I'm not in the moment with her, and this is probably the best, most quality time that I have spent with her since B's birth. It was really really nice. While we were away, Addie had a play date with Sabine and another au pair with a 2 year old boy, Milo. Her new friend! :)

Friday we swap and Addie goes to the chiro with B and mommy while Lily gets a play date with her friend Nathaniel. I hope that goes just as well.

We have a week of birthday parties, dentist appts, postpartum appts, etc, etc, coming up next week, so busy, busy. I've even made 2 coffee dates. Like ahead of time. Plans. For me. Is this what you call functional? Plus I start the 30-day shred on Monday with 4 friends! I'm so glad that I reached out and asked a few of my good friends to do this with me, I was planning on going it alone and now I feel so much more certain I can stick with it because I reached out, and as it turns out, they are all so happy as well for an excuse to get going and have accountability...virtual accountability of course!

I have been working with Bryson the last 3 days on a schedule and getting to sleep out of arms/swing/etc. The last 2 days he has fallen asleep FOUR times for naps in his crib when laid down awake but drowsy with no crying and no intervention on my part. Night times haven't been as good, but he has slept the last 2 nights in his own room. I can't tell yet, if I'm getting more sleep or less, but I think the sleep I am getting is a little deeper than when he was next to me.

Speaking of sleep, time to do some of that!

Under the stairs

my riff raff girl
photo by www.christinagilchrist.com

We have this little closety cubby like thing under our stairs. It is a coat closet that goes way back and it is carpeted with new carpet. If there were a light in there it would be a great little room for the kids to play. Oh never mind, who needs a light. They LOVE playing in there. They call it their "secret camp out". I've taken to hanging cheap plastic shoe holders to the inside of the closet doors and that is where we keep mittens and hats in the winter and sunhats and sunglasses in the summer. They both have their own flash light in the holder for going into the "secret camp out".

Today, I got Bryson down for a nap and Lawrence was getting dinner ready. The girls were running circles around us and we both had a headache. Loud circles. Then Addie asked, "My go in the seecket campout?". "SURE!" I say. Because seriously, did my child just ask to go into a dark closet and close the door? :) I laughed as they both ducked under coats and stepped over vacuums and bins full of summer games like parachutes and croket, diving back to the open area of the campout. Who knows what they've got back there. Some stuffed animals, books, "seats" (and I'm using that term pretty loosely), and of course the "conjector" for movie watching. The conjector, or projector, if you will is a little projector my brother got Lily for her birthday last year. It plays view masters. They both LOVE IT. You would think they were going to the drive in as the excitement mounts for then to dive into a closet of $hit to watch "movies". You can hear them in there, under the stairs, arguing about whose turn it is to "work" the conjector. Or who needs to turn their flashlight off. Or who can't see without their flash light.

Today when they emerged, Lily said, "Mom, look what I found in the secret camp out". It was a stuffed penguin that my mom's friend, Marilyn, gave to Addie about 2 years ago. You would have thought Lily struck gold the affection she showed this thing. She caressed it and touched it to her face, flapped it's wings and marvelled how they looked like arms. She wanted to know how it got around, then proceeded to experiment with making it waddle or zoom on it's belly.

She loves stuffed animals more than what seems humanly possible. I saw her set it on the stair ledge before going in the bathroom to brush teeth (we have a strict, no-stuffed-animals-in-the-bathroom rule), she nuzzled it, and told it how cute it was nose to nose looking at it longingly for a few more seconds before dashing into the bathroom for TEETH TIME. Then cuddled into bed with it and the 47 other "special" bears, rabbits, and other miscellaneous "guys" that she sleeps with, arranged just so.

I don't know why the stuffed animal loving annoys me so. Maybe because they are germ traps, and collect dust, and we have SO.DAMN.MANY of them. And every single one is cherished more than the next so every one that comes in is more special than the last. Today, while I was rocking Bryson in his room, I could see her interacting with this penguin, her new love, and I laughed.

And I EXPLODED with love for her tender little heart, how a stuffed soft little thing can mean the world to her. How 500 soft little stuffed things, can mean the world to her. I just love her for that. Sometimes you have to stop and think, sometimes the things about a person that drive you absolutely batty are the very characteristics about them that make you LOVE LOVE LOVE them.

Today, a trip under the stairs reminded me.

July 08 - photo by www.christinagilchrist.com - somethings never change! :)

Addie Babysitting

Addie singing "Rock a bye Baby" to Bryson, then asking him to say cheese to the camera and look at the green button (which is what I always say to her when I can't get her to look), then almost dropping him off the couch, but I sacraficed the camera and the documenting to save him! :)