Choosing to love it

I survived my first day back in the office. I've been very focused the last few weeks on staying joyful and not getting down about the situation. Bryson is 14 weeks old today. I wish I could have stayed home longer with him, but since that wasn't possible I've just been focused on the awesome company I work for, on the great job that I have to go back to and for this wonderful life that I have. I get to come home each day to three healthy children and know that they are in good hands with Sabine, someone who loves them, and is a member of our family.

I left this morning feeling completely at peace. On the drive to work, I felt a little bit bad that I wasn't crying, as I was the prior two mornings I left my other babies and headed downtown to the office for the first time. It's all okay. In fact, it's all better than okay. Sometimes we just have to stop being bitter about all that we do not have, or all that is not the way we wished it was, and just love the things we do, and enjoy the way that it is. This is our one chance.

That's easy for me to say because I'm not facing anything that is horrible. I'm just going back to work, and for that I am grateful. And time at work flew, I barely had time to pee or eat lunch. My staff did a great job filling in during my absence and there is a lot to do for a quarterly closing. I pumped three times, and realized I do not like that experience as much now that I have an office with a window. It's on the 13th floor facing the river and Mt. Hood. But still. Window Washers?

When I came home today, I was holding Bryson, who was so happy to see me, and he laughed (FOR THE FIRST TIME) at Addie. It was THE sweetest sound I've ever heard. My cheeks felt like they were going to break because I was smiling so big. Lawrence got to hear it too and Lily and Addie were so happy about it. Addie definitely had the hardest time today, she is having the hardest time with life in general. Being two and a half and becoming the middle child all at the same time isn't easy on my little darling. She's doing okay, just seems really off and goes through every emotion in the book in a span of 2 minutes. Lawrence did SO much this weekend to help me get ready for the week ahead, he let me sleep in, he planned meals ahead, he grilled chicken for me to take for lunches, he carried my bags to the car. (Pack mule: I had a breast pump with bottles, coolie bag for milk with ice packs, groceries for lunches, workout clothes, and purse/wallet). We had a fabulous family weekend of hiking to the top of Multnomah Falls. We drank beers and watched Basketball. We played UpWords and taught Lily Blokus. We read books and worked out. It was just a great weekend.

And even though I had to go to work today, it's a pretty great life that we are living right now. And I came home to smiles, laughs, and jammies.